Don't Kiss the Girl
by Broken Oken
Summary: Hannah Montana is hosting a kissing booth. And somehow, Oliver's ended up in line. MileyOliver.
1. Queen of the Flamingos

**Hey guys! With Dear Stupid finally complete (cough, go check it out and review, cough), I can now post this other multi-chaptered story I've had buried in my computer for a while. I hope you guys enjoy it, but I don't think it'll be as great or successful as Dear Stupid was. Thanks a mill to all those reviewers, too. :)**

**The title of this fic really bothers me. It's so lame, I know. I might change it sometime in the future, I just can't think of a better title right now.**

**Also I tried extremely hard to the MAX to keep everyone perfectly in character. So I would really appreciate it if anyone tells me where I go wrong or right in characterization if I do, and just comments on that specifically. Thank you!**

**HUGE NOTE! I wrote this before I knew about the Oliver has diabetes thing, so in this fic, he's still a food/sweet-aholic. XD I didn't feel like changing everything, so sorry!**

**The point-of-view switches every chapter as well. Thought I'd do that to keep things interesting.**

**So, anyways, enough of my blabbering… chapter one!**

**Disclaimer: This goes for future chapters as well. I don't own HM. Hard to believe, I know. Hahaaa, jaykay.**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl**  
by Broken Oken

Chapter One: Queen of the Flamingos (Lilly)

* * *

"I said no," he answered her like a robot with no emotion. He stood there in front of us, his back hunched from exhaustion, and one of his hands caressing the front of his stomach. Surprisingly enough, that stomach had somehow remained flattened throughout all the years I had know him… Also kind of hard to believe when I'd seen him digest just about anything edible that he could get his paws on.

With amused eyes, I watched as he practically thrust the yellow piece of paper in his hand back into my other best friend's hands for the third time. She blinked at the paper, her pink lips pursing into a frustrated line, then took it into her hands roughly with a look of utter annoyance. A strand of fake blonde hair escaped from its natural place on her head, and she flicked her chin to the side. The hair fell behind her shoulder as if it had never left, and sighing, she spun in her chair to reface the vanity mirror beside her.

"I don't think this is a good idea," my male best friend continued, seemingly too distracted to care about the irritation he was causing. "Now seriously, where are those 'heavenly' cupcakes you promised me?"

I remained silent, knowing the question was not directed at me, but at her. Looking into the mirror's reflection, I saw her nose crinkle in the make-up vanity's mirror and her angry eyes watching him.

"You didn't even read it," she protested, an edge to her tone that suggested she must've been trying very hard to not make her frustration so noticeable. "And can you keep your thoughts off food for like, one second?"

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms, knowing this was where my commentary would fall perfectly. "I can't believe you are seriously asking that question, Hannah. I mean, really… Oh, c'mon, just _look_ at him!"

The timing was almost perfect – a man had just walked by to place a silver tray of glazed donuts on the table beside us. My guy best friend suddenly appeared starry-eyed, which, if you knew him as well as I do, was not much of a surprise.

"Yo," he said to the man, who glanced up curiously at the greeting. "Those aren't just for Hannah… _riiight?_"

'Hannah' hit him sharply on the arm. He immediately began to rub the spot, a glare forming in his brown eyes.

"No donuts, donut," she said to him, narrowing her eyes back.

He looked aghast. "Are you _kidding _me? You… I… I haven't eaten in about…an hour!"

"Twenty minutes," I corrected him smugly. I had felt the need to comment again.

"Actually twenty-_three_, Lola," he snapped at me, and I could already sense an argument beginning to form between us. It was a daily thing to me, like having an extra-annoying little brother as a best guy friend. "A very _long_, empty stomach twenty-three minutes at that!"

"It could've been twenty-three _days_, I don't care right now!"

At my other friend's yell, I turned to her in alarm. I don't think she could've looked more irritated with our bickering.

"_Finally_, your attention!" she breathed, sounding exasperated. "Now, guys, I _really_ need to know if you both think the Hannah Montana kissing booth thingamajig in two weeks is a good idea or not! Daddy's not here tonight, and I don't want to have to make the decision alone!"

I looked at my male friend to see his reply, but then noticed he wasn't even paying attention – his eyes were cloudy and unmoving. He was still spacing out, licking his lips at the donuts next to us. I found it hard not to roll my eyes at the scene.

"Well, _I _think it's a _great_ idea, Hannah," I said loudly. "You get to help little orphans in Honduras just by giving a couple hundred cute boys a little smoochy-oochy!" I winked and nudged her for effect about four times. Her response was a mischievous smile as she began to face donut-boy.

"And Mike, what do you think?" she asked as if he had actually been listening.

"Mfff?"

Turning to Mike, I saw his cheeks were puffed like a chipmunk, and was looking at us oddly because he probably had no idea what was going on. Ugh, boy brains.

"Quit feeding your bottomless pie hole and pay attention!" Hannah yelled at him again, and almost magically at her request, the boy somehow managed to swallow all of what he had in his mouth in one gulp.

"I _was_ paying attention!" he argued with a scowl.

"What were we talking about then?" she interrogated.

"Smoochy-oochies."

I automatically smacked him on the shoulder.

"Ow, Lil-Lola!" he whined with his hand now stroking his pained shoulder. "Fine, fine, you want to know what I _really_ think about this kissing booth deal? Go for it, I don't care, it's not like you're going to be playing tonsil hockey with some egocentric water bottle thief anymore… Cough, Jake Ryan, Couch. Oh, excuse me, I think I'm coming down with something seriously _ill_."

His opinion had struck a nerve with Hannah; I could see it clearly in her shaking eyes. She began to open her mouth to reply, but Mike, however, stopped her.

"Oh, c'mon, Hannah, you _have_ to know I actually think it's a bad idea," he said, sounding sincere. "A really bad idea."

"It's for charity, Ol-Mike," she replied, catching her mistake just in time as a dark-haired woman, Hannah's make-up artist, hurriedly reapplied blush to her cheeks and left. "Those orphans are in dire _need_ of my kissing skills."

Mike seemed bored, yet bothered by something else I couldn't understand. "Whatever. You seriously have _no_ idea how many desperate _losers_ are going to be in that line. Now, Hannah, those cupcakes…?"

I gave him a nasty look. "You know, _Mikey_, if Hannah hadn't told us who she really was two years ago, you would have been the first person in line to do this. Probably camping out in front of the stand the night before, too, hugging that," I changed my voice to a mocking voice you would use on a one-year-old, "widdle Hannah Montana doll of yours to get you to sweepy-bye."

"I would not!" he disagreed with an exaggerated amount of repulsion, and his face pinked slightly.

"You had a _doll_ of me?" Hannah asked and blinked, looking a bit horrified as any normal human being should be when finding out that someone like Mike Stanley III used to clutch onto a doll version of them at night.

"Of course not! I wasn't _that _obsessed!" he said in defense.

"He also brushed its hair," I added bluntly.

Hannah's eyes widened in terror, and Mike threw up his hands, looking even more embarrassed as the pink in his cheeks had brightened to red.

"No I didn't!"

"Did, too!" I declared.

"Did not, did not, did not!"

For some reason, the boy thought that repeating his claim would allow him to win. He should've known better by now.

"Did, too, did, too, did, too," and I took a breath, "TIMES INFINITY!"

He raised his hand with a pointed index finger to counter, and then slowly lowered it in defeat. "Fine… maybe."

"Would y'all please _shut up_?" Hannah hissed at the two of us. We whirled around to her again. "You know what? I'm, I'm _going_ to go through with this, no matter what you guys say now. Maybe I'll meet a really nice boy or something!"

Mike stared at her, amusement playing on his lips. "Yeah, a _really_," he used finger quotes, "nice boy who _really_," and again,"wants to _really_," and again,"eat Hannah Montana's face." He paused for a moment, and then raised his finger quotes once more, "_Really_."

She waved him away with a hand. "It's a kissing booth, Mike, not a buffet."

I smiled and took a donut for myself. The scene in front of me was becoming highly entertaining. I had a weird feeling that Mike's single chest hair was going to be threatened once again very soon.

"I never knew your idea of fun was kissing a bunch of pathetic 'we have no lives' losers," Mike remarked sarcastically, gnawing off another piece of the glazed donut in his hand.

Hannah clenched a fist. "Oh, so you're saying if a boy wants to kiss me, he has no life?"

"If a million of them are paying a buck for a 'smoochy-oochy'," he gestured with an exaggerated imitation of a feminine voice, "I'd say so!"

"Well…" The frustration in Hannah's face and voice was growing. "Whatever! That makes exactly one million dollars then!"

She sprung to her feet suddenly, glaring all the while. "And if ya'll please excuse me, I have a _concert_ to attend to. You know, those things where hundreds of people show up at because they, they, they _love_ Hannah Montana? Y-y-yeah! _Those!_"

I struggled not to giggle as we watched her stomp off, practically trip in her heels, and disappear behind the curtains to the front stage.

Then I frowned, remembering something. Mike's chest hair had not been threatened.

Speaking of Mike, his face had become all scrunched up for some reason, and his arms were tightly crossed in front of him. I folded mine, too, and cocked an eyebrow at him, a suspicion abruptly clouding my head.

"What?" he asked snobbishly.

"Oh, _nothing_," I said in that voice that definitely meant a whole lot of something.

He lowered his sunglasses further on his nose to observe my face. I heard Hannah belting out "Life's What You Make It" in the distance.

"Spit it out, Luftnagle."

"Wellll, correct me if I'm wrong… Which I hiiiighly doubt I am," I smiled cockily, something Mike hated. "But I think you're a _wee_ bit jealous."

He appeared skeptical. "Um, despite what you think, I would rather _not_ kiss a zillion weirdo guys, thank you."

"No, idiot," I said angrily and stomped on his left foot with one of my pink heels. At this he began hopping up and down like the idiot I had called him. "I meant _of_ the guys Mi… _Hannah_ will be kissing."

"Why would I be jealous of them?" he questioned as his hopping ended. "They obviously are complete and total losers if they are honestly going to pay a buck for a stupid kiss. I can get a million _free_!"

"Yeah, maybe from your doll."

He glared. "Shut up. The point is, I'm _not_ jealous." As if it was proving his point or something, he lifted his nose to the air.

"Then why are you overreacting so badly about this?" I edged, my once hidden smirk taking over my lips completely.

"Why are you annoying me with all this weird talk and not escorting me to the cupcake table?"

"Why does your other foot hurt?"

"It doesn't—OW!" he screamed girlishly as I pressed my heel harshly onto the top of his right foot as well. "What was that for?!"

"Because you're an idiot," I answered like it was obvious, which in this case, it was, since he was right back to hopping again. "And you know what they say."

"No, I don't know what they say," he replied, annoyed.

Waving my fingers, I changed my tone to a sing-song voice, "Deniiial is not just a river in Eeeegypt."

"I am NOT jealous!" he told me in a harsh yell. "So stop saying that I am! I just don't like the idea of one of my best friends getting mouth to mouth with that many guys in like, three hours!"

"I don't mind it actually," I said and heaved a dreamy sigh. "I would love to be able to kiss that many cute guys without worrying about the consequences. It sounds like a fun time to me…"

He turned away from me and murmured just audible enough, "Yeah, because the only way a guy would ever kiss you is to be paid for it…"

I kicked him in the back of the knee, and he hobbled over, wincing. "Mind repeating that, Michael?"

"Ack, no thanks?"

"That's what I thought," I said absentmindedly. "But anyways, I really _don't_ mind _Hannah_ kissing a bunch of random guys."

"Well I _do_ mind."

"Because you want to kiss her, too," I replied.

He appeared shocked and blank at the same time when the remark left my mouth. He kind of stood there for about twenty seconds or so, frozen, like the idea had never passed him before, and he was just now taking it into consideration.

"No, I don't!" he finally voiced.

I smirked again. "Oh yes, you _definitely_ do. The pause was direct indicaaaaation." I barely even noticed that my sing-song voice had returned.

"A pause does not tell you anything except… except…" his mouth was struggling with an explanation.

"That you want to kiss her?" I suggested helpfully, chewing on another piece of donut.

"No! In fact, the pause says that I _don't!_"

Unfortunately for him, I was not buying this. "Yes you do."

"ARGHHHH! I-I… I'm hungry! I'm going to go get me some of those cupcakes," he grumbled, sounding very much irritated (and hungry obviously) and headed off to the backstage dessert table.

However, giving up then would've been too easy.

"Think about it," I said as I skipped behind him in my hot pink tutu. He scanned the table of cupcakes in front of us and disgustingly shoved one between his lips and smiled in some sort of triumphant way after he swallowed. I didn't even bother to acknowledge this. So disgusting.

"If," I continued and dropped to a whisper, _"Miley,"_ then went normal again, "ever came up to you and kissed you, would you kiss back?"

My question left him unfazed, or at least, that's how he appeared on the surface.

"Um, _no_. So how about you leave me and my cupcakes alone now?"

His tone hinted that he actually thought I was really going to walk away from him – he should've known me better than that.

"_I_ think you'd kiss back," I said.

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't." Mike's eyes were scanning the table again, evidently distracted. He picked a cupcake up, about to place it into his mouth. "Now go away. I'm being blinded by that flamingo on your head."

Outraged at the wig insult, I smacked him. He hacked a little at first before popping the cupcake into his mouth anyway.

"How about we make a deal then, _Mikey_?" I asked him as he pouted while rubbing his arm again.

"Wha ki-uh da?"

I made a disgusted face. "Chew, then talk, you idiot."

He glared at me and swallowed the rest of his cupcake. "Happy now, Queen of the Flamingos?"

"Actually, no," I said, glaring right back. I instantly stomped on his foot again, and he howled once more in pain. "But now I am."

He scowled at me, holding his foot. "Stop hurting me and just tell me about this stupid deal of yours already."

I rolled my eyes. Again. There always seemed to be a lot of that maneuver when Mike was around.

"Well, I was just thinking that if you're _sooo_ sure that you wouldn't kiss…" I dropped my voice again. "…_you-know-who_ if she kissed you, how about we make a bet out of it? You go to the carnival on that particular Saturday and stand in line, and when she kisses you, if you _don't_ kiss back, you win. And I promise I will neeeever bring up this kinda thing again. But if you _do_ kiss back, I win. And because I'm nice, all you have to do is admit that I was right and that you _do_ love 'Hannah' after all."

He stared at me in shock. "For one, that is _not_ going to work. She will die laughing if she sees me in line—"

"So we'll disguise you then," I interrupted, as that was no problem.

"You do realize I'll win this hands down, right?"

I shook my head, grinning doubtfully. "Actually, I'm _pretty_ positive I'm right on this one. So, spit-shake deal?"

He grimaced. "I don't know… That's kind of me and Miley's thing."

I laughed on how oblivious he was to his feelings.

"_Oooh, do we already have a winner?!_" I then proclaimed excitedly in a loud, cocky tone a TV game show host might use.

"Fine!" He spat into his palm directly after and held it out, still frowning in disgust.

"Great!" I said cheerily and proceeded to spit into mine. I clasped onto his hand with my own, and we bobbed them up and down in unison as our saliva melted together in between our hands.

"_Ughhhh_," Mike groaned to my annoyance. "Despite the many years I've done this, I still want to puke, you know. It just adds to the grossness with it being _your_ spit for once…"

I decided to ignore that. "Oh, shut up, you big baby. Is the deal on?"

He narrowed his eyes and gave my hand a firmer squeeze.

_"Oh, it's on, flamingo woman, it's on."_

* * *

**Sooo, what did you think so far? Terrible? Horrible? Great? Awesome? Tell me in a review! I love feedback! Although I have to say that the beginning of this story is kind of slow, but hopefully you keep reading anyways. Thank-you and buh-bye!**


	2. Heart Attack Much?

**Hey everyone! Thanks for all the great reviews! I was surprised at how many I got actually… wow. That number will probably decrease after this chapter, though, because this is one of the two chapters of this story that I really HATE. Meaning… it's a filler. Yep. Sorry. Don't give up on me yet!**

**This one's told in Oliver's point of view. Yay! So, yes, the POV's switch every chapter between our favorite trio.**

**I also think someone asked me if this is going to be as long as Dear Stupid, and sadly, no, it's not. It's around thirteen-ish chapters.**

**That's all I gotta say! Woooo, here we goo.**

**

* * *

**

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Two: Heart Attack Much? (Oliver)

* * *

Let's see. It was at lunch on a school day, Wednesday to be exact, when my odd behavior began. It wasn't entirely the 'way out there' kind of odd you'd think it'd be, but it was enough that I realized something about me was… well, _different._

So. Lilly had been bugging me all week long since Friday at the concert. She was trying to get me to admit to some nonexistent feelings I had for Miley or something like that. I haven't really been paying too much attention to the whole ordeal, but some of the stuff Lilly was trying to pull was embarrassing. She kept trying to put me into awkward positions with Miley; for instance, tripping me on purpose when I would walk towards Miley, so that I would fall onto her.

Unfortunately Miley wouldn't catch me at all when this would happen… she'd just back up in alarm and let me hit the tiled floor face-first.

Yeah, ouch.

But _anyways_. Miley, Lilly, and I were sitting at our usual table this Wednesday, during the best best best best best time of day. You know it as Lunch. It was a week and three days in counting until the Kissing Booth day, where I would show Lilly I could totally resist kissing Miley.

And first of all, let me just say that Lilly was being more stupid than normal. She kept ramming her leg into mine under the table, in hopes that I would nudge Miley in some kind of suggestive, flirting manner, but I kept stepping on her foot and growling at her so she would stop doing it. I guess the message wasn't getting through very clearly because it must've happened another five times even after that. I didn't understand at first how Miley didn't notice the shaking under the table, but whatever, I was glad she didn't.

"Hey, Miley," Lilly piped suddenly. "Question."

I didn't like this idea. By the tone of her voice, I just knew that it meant she was going to say something stupid. _Surprise, surprise._

"Hm?" Miley replied, twirling her brown locks of hair with a finger and gazing off towards the other half of the cafeteria. She was apparently spaced out about something or another.

"Do you… _liiiike _anyone by any chance?"

I panicked and stepped violently onto Lilly's foot again. The blonde faced me for a quick second, trying to keep her smile still, despite the pain I must've caused her. However, she could only keep it unmoving for so long, so the grin faltered for a second, and in that small period of time she took it as her chance to glare irritably at me.

I stuck my tongue out at her, to which she rolled her eyes at before leaning over me to look at Miley again.

"Hm…" Miley muttered softly. She had barely even acknowledged Lilly's question… or even moved. I don't think I even saw a blink, come to think of it. It was kind of scary really. Her squinted eyes were misted over with a very dreamy and cloudy appearance, and she was still staring off in that same direction, a piece of hair spiraling around her index finger… and then she heaved a sigh.

"Earth to Miley?" Lilly asked with concern, snapping her fingers in front of our friend's face. The only sign of life Miley demonstrated was by placing her chin into the palms of her hands. I studied her face for a few seconds.

"Is she dying?"

I regretted speaking almost instantly because Lilly rammed her foot into my shin under the table. I struggled not to show that she had hurt me.

Irritated at the fact that Miley still wasn't responding appropriately, Lilly and I turned at the same time to see what was causing such a distraction. But all I saw was a rather tall guy, around six feet, with a black baseball cap, standing in front of another table, talking to someone.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked Lilly. I would've asked Miley herself, but she was obviously off in some other dimension.

Lilly suddenly appeared to look very upset. Her smile completely vanished off of her face. "Oh no… _no_. This isn't going according to my plan at all," she babbled quickly.

"Plan? What's that mean?" I peered in the direction again, but still, the only thing remotely interesting was the same guy with the baseball cap, except now he was talking to two other tall guys that had joined him.

Lilly looked down at our table for a second, seemingly deciding something, and replied rather sadly, "I think Miley likes that senior over there."

Okay, so I should've seen that coming. Miley's boy crazy.

"How can you tell?" I asked out of boredom, now starting to lose interest in what was going on.

"Are you kidding? Just look at her."

I did as I was told and realized that I obviously hadn't looked at Miley's posture or appearance closely enough. I hadn't noticed the pathetic smile stretching over Miley's lips. And she was still twirling her strands of hair away. But now… she was beginning to _bat her eyelashes_.

I scoffed, turning back to Lilly. She raised a questioning eyebrow. I already knew what was coming.

"Jealous again, Ollie?" came the expected question.

"No, Lilly, yet again, I am _not_ jealous. It's just you girls…you're always going for the pretty boys."

"I don't know. He is pretty cute actually…"

Occasionally it bothers me to have two best friends for girls. Their taste in boys can astound me sometimes. And not in a good way.

"All you girls care about are looks." I scoffed some more.

Lilly twisted her head to stare at me curiously. "Well, they _do_ kind of help, you know. Have you ever thought of trying plastic surgery?"

Oh, that was so uncalled for.

"Wow, you're obviously blind, Lilly. I mean, I'm _Smoken_ Oken… SMOKIN' Oken. And—never mind, you aren't going to listen to me anyways."

Lilly shook her head at me, eyes closed, and waved a hand. "Oh, no, you go on, 'Smoken Oken'. This I _gotta_ hear."

"No. I'm putting my tray up," I stated firmly, sticking my nose into the air and getting up from my seat. As I grabbed my tray and turned to walk away, I observed that Miley didn't even seem to notice me leaving, irritatingly enough. So as I marched towards my destination to the garbage can, I glanced back to see if she was still zoning out, but then I saw something that, for some reason, startled me.

That pretty boy that Miley had been staring at had come over to the table to sit down next to her. And he was… Well, he had his _arm around her_, too. And they were _laughing. _Like he's actually funny or something, it was probably pretty boy humor, and then—

CRASH.

In my spurt of surprise, I had run straight into the ex girlfriend, Becca Weller, and unfortunately for her, so had my tray of unfinished spaghetti. It squashed itself onto her once perfectly clean white screen tee, and, just as I had dreaded, she screamed. It was pretty deafening.

"OLIVER!!" she shrieked. "MY SHIRT!!"

I wanted to die. Everyone had seen this.

"Sorry, Becca, sorry!" I tried to wipe the stain and saucy noodles off with my napkin, but she started hitting me away probably because I was too close to a certain area of hers, and thus, I became more embarrassed.

But then I looked over to Lilly and Miley… and Lilly was dying of laughter, of course; she probably wasn't ever going to let me live down what had just happened. But…

Miley wasn't even _looking_ at me. Her smile was still directed at the boy next to her, and he was smiling back.

And suddenly I came to the stupidest conclusion ever that I didn't like the fact that Miley _still_ wasn't paying attention to me. Even if it was that humiliating kind of attention. It didn't even make sense.

After Becca and her little friends rushed off to the bathroom to clean her shirt, I cautiously approached the table. Lilly was still giggling… and Miley and that stupid boy were just off in their own little stupid, stupid world.

I coughed loudly in annoyance, but they kept talking, making these faces at one another that made me feel like regurgitating the spaghetti I _had_ digested.

Which reminds me, it's kinda weird that I didn't finish my food for once in my life… hmm… That only happens if I'm, like, distracted or something?

Whatever.

"AHEM!" I cleared my throat another time with more volume. Lilly stopped her high-pitched giggling, and finally, Miley and the boy noticed my existence with strange expressions on their faces.

The first thing I thought about the boy in front of me was that he was definitely pretty boy material. He had large blue eyes, much brighter than my brown ones, and thick pink lips. For a guy, his eyelashes were pretty long, giving him a more handsome and mysterious appearance that I'm sure was what got Miley attached in the first place.

I couldn't really tell his hair color; but I knew it had to be short to be kept under the tiny hat of his. With some sort of abnormal happiness, I noticed the small size of his head and grinned a little.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Kyle," Miley said, smiling, in this really fake, higher pitched voice I've never heard her use before in my life of knowing her. "This is my friend Oliver. You already know Lilly from Geometry. Oliver, Kyle. Kyle, Oliver."

Lilly gave him a weak smile as a greeting. I tried and failed pretty miserably.

"So. You're the Oliver she talks about?" This 'Kyle' dude said to me, leaning forward with such a phony grin that I suddenly had to fight off the urge to break it with my fists.

"Yeah, that's me," I said grumpily, feeling one of my hands clutch onto my thigh tightly. "Her _best_ friend. Her very _muscular_ best friend… who knows Kung-fu."

Lilly started laughing again. I didn't see any humor in this.

"That's… cool," Kyle said lamely and swung his arm closer around Miley's shoulders. She smiled down at the table; it was something I wasn't used to when it came to Miley. She actually seemed… shy. _What?_

"So, Kyle," I began plainly, saying his name for the first time and staring at the two of them, "What's your history?"

"History?" he asked me, looking pathetically confused.

"With the ladies," I went on, not sure where I was going with it or why. "I'm sure you've broken a few hearts or two, eh? Managed to pull off the two-timing thing? I'd just _really_ like to know the details of how you can do it and—HEY!"

Someone pulling on my arm had interrupted my speech. I glimpsed upward—Miley.

"Oliver, there is something on your face," she said dully through gritted teeth. Somehow she had escaped Kyle's arms without my knowledge and ended up beside me with my arm in her grasp.

But I didn't budge. "You're _absolutely _right, Miley! It's called a nose. So, anyways, Kyle—"

"OLIVER!" she was yelling now. "_I SAID_ THERE IS SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE! C'MON!"

And much to my disappointment, I was yanked away out of the cafeteria. I prayed that maybe Lilly would scare Kyle away or something during my absence, with one of her crazy sugar rushes. But then I sadly remembered Lilly decided to be normal of all days and eat toast for breakfast.

But yeah, so I was dragged off into the hallway.

"What is your _problem_?" Miley was saying to me very crossly and skeptically, hands on her hips and everything. "I mean, besides the normal donut… -tyness."

I couldn't understand how she didn't see the horribleness in the guy that I had.

"That guy in there!" I pointed into the cafeteria doors. "He thinks he's _so cool_ and hot and LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME, I'M SOOO STUDLY, and… well, Miley, he's not!"

"Weird. It sounds like _someone I know_," Miley faked surprise.

I looked at her with a frown. "Please don't bring up the Zombie Slayer right now."

"I really wasn't talking about _him _actually…" I raised my eyebrows at this, and she speedily continued, "But you don't even _know_ Kyle. You just met him like… a minute ago!"

"I know how guys are, Miley. I… Lilly and I care about you… We just don't want to see you get hurt for the hundredth time."

The harshness in her face subsided, and she appeared baffled. "Donut say _what?_"

I looked away from her gaze. "You heard me," I murmured.

"Oliver," she said softly, turning my head towards hers with her hands. I snorted in aggravation and tried to tear away from them without much success. "Don't worry about me. I'm a big girl, I'm a Stewart!"

I rolled my eyes, still not facing her. "Miley… _Jackson's_ a Stewart."

"But I'll be okay this time, I promise," she said, and I could tell she was grinning slightly.

"Yeah, well, if he hurts you, I, I," I searched my head for the right thing and words to say. "I might just seriously use some of that Kung fu I mentioned earlier, you know."

She smiled more at me and removed her hands from my cheeks, and oddly enough, leaving me a little less warm. "_Right_… Now are you ready to at least _try_ to be nice to Kyle?"

"I can… uh, _try_. For you," I grumbled, but was surprised when the girl leapt into my arms and embraced me. I blinked multiple times in shock. We barely ever hugged.

I awkwardly patted her back in discomfort, and she finally pulled back.

"Back to the cafeteria we go," she announced proudly and started walking away.

I sighed and followed closely behind her, my shoulders drooping. "Do we _have_ to? I just have this feeling that Lilly is going to kick me some more, or Becca is gonna run into me again and—"

In an instant, she had turned her body around somewhere in the middle of my sentence, and because I had been right behind her, our bodies… collided somehow, and our noses… _brushed?_ I don't know how to explain it. I just know the moment it happened, my stomach did this weird loop-dee-loop thing, and I sprung backwards in alarm at the weird feeling.

However, Miley didn't seem affected at all. She only chuckled. "Heart attack much, Oliver?"

She had no idea really how close I was to thinking that _was_ what had happened.

"Ummmmmm," I stretched the word out as much as physically possible. "Nope."

She laughed again. My tummy squirmed like I was hungry or something. Well, never mind, I'm always hungry, but this felt a little different.

"Well, c'mon then, I can't leave Kyle out there alone… I mean, I think Lilly had cinnamon _sugar_ on her toast this morning, if you get what I'm saying…"

I nodded slowly. And despite how I walked after her, I definitely didn't want to. Because, really…

_What had just happened?_

* * *

**Bwahaha. Ollie is so oblivious. :)**

**Anyways, review as always! Miley's point-of-view next chapter!**


	3. Slime of My Life

**Chapter Three is here! Woo!**

**The lab directions featured in this chapter, I do not own. I got them off an Internet site. Just so you know.**

**Yeah, so I don't have too much else to say for once… but hopefully you enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Three: Slime of My Life (Miley)

* * *

Today was a weird day. For one, I was really, really tired from my Hannah concert last night, and after two more encores than usual, I wanted to drop dead when my dad woke me up this morning for school. I had bags under my eyes so Lilly automatically assumed I was depressed when she first saw me, which is so not the truth since I officially have the cutest boyfriend in the entire world.

That's right! _Kyle Gardner and I are dating!_ Is that not the greatest news _ever?!_ He asked me out by the drinking fountain right after school ended yesterday. It was _so romantic_!

He was all, "So, wanna be my girlfriend?"

Okay, so it really wasn't the romantic fantasy I had dreamed of, but whatever. I'm still so happy! I'm guessing he would've asked a lot more passionately, ala Shakespeare quotes and all, if, well… Oliver hadn't been there standing next to me so awkwardly. Seriously, I love Oliver and all, but there are times your best friends are supposed to _know_ when to… _disappear_, you know?

Kyle even went, "Hey, Miley, can I talk to you?" like all obviously that it needed to be a _private_ conversation.

"Sure, Kyle!" I said happily and turned quickly to Oliver, waving my hands to 'shoo' him away. Instead of leaving like he should've picked up on, he still stood there, watching my hands with this look on his face that said I was crazy.

"Oliver…" I growled. He kept his brow raised and nudged past me to get to the fountain. I couldn't believe he was being so ignorant, and I guess the look I was giving him wasn't too nice because he began to glare at me.

"What?" he asked. "Sorry that I need to quench my thirst, geesh."

I purposely ignored his abnormally rude comment.

And that was when Kyle popped the question. Well, not THE question of questions (you know, marriage), but one of the questions on the ladder to THE question.

I shouted a, "YES!" and sprung into his arms… as if there is any other response I could've used.

Oliver walked closer to us when this happened and wiped the water off his lips with his sleeve very disgustingly. He just stood there, too, as we embraced. Which made things so awkward and weird… honestly, _no_ idea what that was about?

But anyways, I eventually had to leave my new beau and meet up with Lilly to walk home with her. Oh, and Oliver, too, who didn't really talk much to us, but that was probably because I wouldn't give him a chance to respond. I wouldn't shut up about Kyle. But, who can blame me? Have you _seen_ the kid?

But anyways. Today Oliver's weird behavior continued.

You see, I have Chemistry class with Lilly and Oliver during fifth hour. It's the only class we all have together. Most of my other classes are with Lilly, and I have Government with Oliver earlier in the day, but that doesn't matter right now.

It was fifth hour, and our Chemistry teacher, Mr. Stork, made an announcement very unlike him.

"We're going to do something fun today!"

Seriously. Very _very_ unlike him. Normally, it's "I'm going to bore you to death with pointless lectures!" except he doesn't exactly say that… he just kinda does it without much warning at all.

I was sitting next to Lilly, and we both straightened up in interest. Oliver was asleep at the table next to us. Nothing new.

"We're going to make slime!"

"SLIME?" Oliver bolted upwards, a piece of notebook paper stuck to his forehead from his drool. Lilly and I exchanged glances and rolled our eyes.

"Yep, slime," Mr. Stork replied with a big smile. "My daughter actually just did this experiment at her middle school, and I know you guys are mostly sophomores in high school, but I just thought after all the hard tests and quizzes I've been giving, you guys needed something fun, simple, yet educational… so, why not?"

Everyone cheered, except Oliver, who was asleep again from Mr. Stork's droning voice.

"Okay everyone, grab a partner! I'll hand out the lab sheets and the materials as you sit down."

I twisted to Lilly instantly, and she was looking at me, too, when out of nowhere, Sarah appeared and tapped on Lilly's shoulder. I jumped a mile high. _How had she gotten all the way across the room so fast—?_

"Lilly, can you be my lab partner today?" she asked tentatively. "I'm not getting stuck with Dandruff Danny again. Last time I felt like I was taking a vacation in Alaska with the inches of snow I kept getting."

And Lilly got that sympathetic look on her face and bit her lip, glancing at me for permission. I knew she didn't want to do it, but saying no to Saint Sarah would be impossible for her. Or anyone really. So I just nodded gravely when I really wanted to shake my head very violently to say "no", grab Lilly, and take off running to the other side of the room.

Then Sarah seemed to take notice of the fact that I was sitting there next to Lilly. She frowned, looking guilty. I selfishly celebrated inside, thinking that she was going to say, "Oh, sorry, Miley! I didn't see you there! You can partner with Lilly!"

But instead she was like, "Oh, I'm sorry, Miley. Danny's really not _that_ bad… Bye!" waved a hand, and grabbed Lilly and took off with her to the other end of the room.

My mouth hit the floor in disbelief.

Okay, so the poor girl usually _does_ end up partnering with Danny, but um, THAT SHOULDN'T MEAN I HAVE TO EITHER!

I was freaking out for the next fifteen seconds, running around the room like a crazy woman. I couldn't find anyone when I finally realized I hadn't asked Oliver for some reason. Well, I guess it was mostly because he was still asleep at his table, completely out of view… and I guess because he's not the easiest person to work with, and bad memories of Shakespeare rolled through my head.

Unfortunately, I had no choice. I looked to him and saw his head resting on the table… and out of the corner of my eye, Danny came into view… and he was _approaching Oliver_.

I could feel my eyes enlarge, so I darted and yelled at the top of my lungs, "OLIVER! BE MY PARTNER!"

Oliver jumped awake again, and the notebook paper followed, still attached to his forehead. "Huh? Partner? What?"

"You're my partner today, okay? Okay," I explained quickly and smiled as big as I could.

The expression on his face told me he was still very obviously confused, but he managed to say, even as slowly as he did, "Ooookay?"

Dandruff Danny appeared stunned. He scratched some flakes off his head and walked away. _Success_.

I breathed a sigh of relief as Oliver tore the notebook paper off his head. "Don't you normally partner with Lilly?" he asked.

"Yeah, but Saint Sarah didn't want another vacation in Alaska or something with Danny, so she stole my completely un-Alaskan lab partner," I answered, taking a seat next to him. He placed his head down on the table again and started staring at me. With this… look I'd never seen before. I was all of a sudden very self-conscious.

"Um, what?"

He shook his head, and I noticed a little bit of red tinting his cheeks. Was he _blushing? _About_ what?_

"Er, nothing. I'm just tired… kinda spacey."

I looked at him oddly, about to reply when a sheet of paper landed delicately on the table in front of me. Picking it up, I noticed it held the instructions Oliver and I were going to have to perform. Other materials made their way onto the table as well; such as some stuff Mr. Stork labeled 'borax powder', a cup of water, glue, a teaspoon, a bowl, a jar, a measuring cup, and a tube of blue food coloring.

I nodded my head determinedly. "Alright, Oliver, you ready to do this?" When he didn't respond, I turned to him, noticing his head stretched backwards off his seat, and his eyes completely shut.

"OLIVER!"

"Huh? What?!" he blinked his eyes open.

I groaned. It was going to be a _long_ class period. "C'mon, Oliver, wake up! You're acting like… a zombie or something. You're my lab partner and I'm not going to make this slime alone!"

He yawned. "Fine, fine…" I watched in disbelief as his eyes slowly closed again. I decided to take matters into my own hands and reached forward to hold his eyelids open myself.

"M-Miley? What are you doing?" he muttered sleepily.

"Oh, I don't know," I said sarcastically, "Squeezing the juice out of your eyeballs for a nice cold EYE-scream smoothie?"

He didn't reply or even smile at my cleverness. I waited and observed in amazement as his brown eyes began to roll to the back of his head, and a snore erupted from his mouth. How the heck was he managing to _still _fall asleep with his eyes _open?!_

"OLIVER!"

"WHAT? I'm up, I'm up!"

He flew awake and I let go of his eyelids, staring at him.

"How do you even _pass_ this class?"

He looked around anxiously, as if to see where he was before answering, "Um… I don't know really."

I rolled my eyes and decided to go ahead and look at the first instruction.

_**1. Pour the glue into the jar. If you have a big bottle of glue, you want 4 oz or 1/2 cup of glue.**_

"Oliver, open the Elmer's glue and pour it all into this jar," I said, pushing the jar over to him.

"…Why can't you do it?"

"OLIVER!"

"AH! SORRY!" he apologized and unscrewed the cap of the glue at the speed of light and began to do as I instructed. I smiled proudly and turned back to the instructions.

_**2. Fill the empty glue bottle with water and stir it into the glue (or add 1/2 cup of water).**_

I didn't say anything this time, I just followed it accordingly, and Oliver watched with tired eyes. I felt self-conscious again with him looking at me so intently, but at least he was awake.

**_3._ _If desired, add food coloring. Otherwise, the slime will be an opaque white._**

"Pass me the food coloring," I said to him. "I don't want white slime. That's like… troll boogies." I plugged my nose to show my disgust.

He examined the tube of food coloring close to his face. "Green? So clique and boooring."

"Tired-zombie-donut say what?"

"Green. It's boring."

I snatched it from him. "Okay, whatever, like you know so much about colors, Roy G. Biv."

"Who's he?"

I ignored this. "What color did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Blue?" he suggested, sounding kind of annoyed.

"And why is blue so much better than green?" I asked as I added the food coloring to our creation.

"Um, it's your favorite color, isn't it? You tell me."

This definitely caught me by surprise. I blinked a few times in confusion. How did he even _know_ that? I don't know _his_ favorite color… Oh, great, _should I?_

So I just smiled and said, "You're right; blue's just better." He shook his head at me and leaned backwards in his chair with a yawn.

_**4. In a separate bowl, mix one cup (240 ml) of water into the bowl and add 1 teaspoon (5 ml) of borax powder.**_

I then told Oliver it was his turn to add something, and he mumbled in annoyance, but he did what I told him to do anyways. As he did, I started fumbling with my shirt.

_Red? Is red his favorite color? It's obviously not green… Um…_

"I seriously hate Chemistry," Oliver said out of nowhere.

"Oh, stop griping," I replied. "This isn't hard at all."

"But I'm tiiired, Mileeyyyy," he whined, laying his arms out onto the table to place his head down upon them. I sighed in annoyance and flicked his ear, and he sat upright again.

"Hey! That _hurt_!"

"Ya think?"

"Please, please, Miley, just _five_ more minutes of sleep? I didn't sleep well last night and—"

"_No_. That's _not _gonna happen if you're my lab partner."

"How come?" I glared at his question, and he put his hands up, "Kidding. Wow. Kidding."

_**5. Slowly stir the glue mixture into the bowl of borax solution.**_

So we both decided to take turns stirring. I went first, and then Oliver, grumbling as usual, grabbed a hold of the stirring stick to take his turn.

I watched him stir a little bit, contemplating all the possible colors of the rainbow that maybe he liked, when he went, "So, Miley, how's your relationship with what's-his-face going?"

I was startled. Oliver and I didn't talk about this kind of stuff… ever.

"Um, just great," I said uneasily.

He looked up at me, but kept stirring. "No problems or anything yet?"

"We've been dating a _day_, Oliver."

"Oh yeah." He seemed a bit flustered for some reason and looked back down to the pre-slime. "But hey, it could very well happen. You see, when I got my first girlfriend and was so happy and excited about it, my mom was so happy for me, too. She was like," and his voice changed to what he _thought_ sounded like a feminine tone of his mother, "'_Oliver, my son, I hate to rain on your parade but all teenaged romances are doomed from the start._'"

His eyes glimpsed hopefully up at me through his long, brown bangs. I couldn't help but smile a little bit.

"Kyle and I are just fine, Oliver. I think I even convinced him to maybe check out a Hannah Montana concert, even though he doesn't like that kind of music. So don't worry."

The brightness in his eyes vanished. "I was juuust asking."

He focused again on the pre-slime. He was acting so unlike himself; it was weird. I halfway raised an eyebrow, but chose to keep my mouth shut.

_**6. Place the slime that forms into your hands and knead until it feels dry. (Don't worry about the excess water remaining in the bowl.) The more the slime is played with, the firmer and less sticky it will become. Have fun!**_

Oliver and I each grabbed a handful of the slime to knead. He started rolling it really hard in his hands with this heavily concentrated expression, which was hilarious, so I _had_ to laugh.

"What?" he asked, still in his sleepy voice.

"You."

He stopped kneading the slime, perking up all of a sudden, "What about me?"

"You look so funny. Like this." I began to imitate him with my own roll of slime, and I saw him smile a little bit at me, which in turn, got me smiling more.

And then he started doing it again, with an even funnier face just to make me laugh harder, and soon enough, we were both laughing pretty hard because we were making the stupidest faces while kneading the slime in our hands.

"Having fuuun, guys?"

Lilly's voice surprised me so I jumped a little, of course, but the tone of voice she was using… almost sounded like she was _suggesting_ something. And for some weird reason, I was irritated that she had shown up. Like she was… I don't know, _intruding?_ Which doesn't even make sense.

So I smiled and said in my state of confusion, "Oh yeah, having the SLIME of my life! Get it? Slime?"

'Slime of my life'? Did I _seriously_ say that?

I think I even confused Lilly and Oliver a bit at that one because they both looked at me humorously.

"Miley-say-what?" they said in unison.

I shook this off with a nervous giggle. What the heck was wrong with me?

Lilly finally smiled. It was a sort of smile that looked very mischievous… some sort of _knowing_ kind of smile, you know? Like she knew some kind of secret that I didn't.

"How was it working with the doooonut?" she asked with the same "knowing" tone.

"Watch it, Lilly, I have ammo," Oliver said threateningly from behind her, green slime in hand.

And at that moment in time, it came to me out of nowhere.

_Orange_. Orange is his favorite color. Because it starts with 'O', he had said when he first told me_. Typical_…

So I looked at him, amused. He caught my eye and grinned widely.

"Actually, Lilly… not that bad."

* * *

**I have no idea what Oliver or Miley's favorite colors are. XD I originally had Miley's as green, but then that 7 Things Mitchel Loves about Miley video came out, and that just changed my mind, if you know what I mean. Tehe. The M&M inside me.**

**As always, review and tell me your thoughts? Yay or nay?**


	4. The Matchmaker's Mistake

**YAY! Chapter four! I hope you all enjoy this!**

I had an awesome Labor Day weekend… I went to Kansas City, MO, and met David Cook and David Archuleta! I'm already in love with David Cook, so that was beyond amazing (he hugged me! eep!), but I fell in love, head over heels!, with David Archuleta because he is SOOOO much more sweeter in person and ten times the more adorable. He talked to me a whole bunch, and even gave me a nickname. :) I MELTED. I might marry him instead I've decided. lol

**But yeah, enough of my blabbing! Filler chapter number two... It's one of the only two chapters I seriously hate (the other being chapter two), so bear with me. Everything gets real interesting next chapter. Tee-hee.**

**So, yeah. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Four: The Matchmaker's Mistake (Lilly)

* * *

Well, I'm not going to lie. Things are not going well in my plans. I mean, I obviously know why. Sure, the two are at least starting to feel some sort of "connection" between one another, whether they admit it or not… The kiss at the Kissing Booth thing is _going to happen_ because Oliver is a donut totally oblivious of his feelings, but there is a _slight _problem with them ever "getting together".

I'll give you a hint. It starts with a K and ends in a Y-L-E.

This Friday night, we (meaning Oliver, Miley, and I) had planned to just hang out at Miley's and watch movies all night in the living room. And there was another part of the plan neither of them knew about… which, as you know, was for me to play (insert trumpet here)… matchmaker!

So I arrived at Miley's a little earlier than normal. She was sitting on her couch, flipping through the channels on her TV… and a phone planted on her ear.

"I already told you, Kyle, I'm hanging out with Lilly and Oliver tonight," she was saying. Then she started giggling pretty obnoxiously, which is so unlike Miley with boyfriends, it reminded me of… er, myself.

"I'll make it up to you… Aw, that's sweet… Really?… Really?… REALLY?"

"REALLY!" I imitated with an over-exaggerated girly voice and plopped on down next to her, and she jumped and appeared franticly embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry, Kyle, I, um, gotta go! Lilly's here… Aw, well… Hahaha, I like you, too…. Yeah… Alright. Talk to you later, bye!" She shut her phone and turned to me with a giant smile. "Hey! Wh-what are you doing here so early?"

"Bored," I lied, and then decided it was the perfect opportunity to start with phase one of my plan. "…I would've hung out with Oliver, but he was too busy nodding his head like a chicken at girls at the beach."

She blinked at me and smiled. "That 'chicken' needs to lay himself a brain."

I frowned. No jealousy?

"Mm, yeah, he kept saying how _'hot'_ they all were," I tried again, putting an exaggerated amount of emphasis on 'hot'.

She still smiled, however. "He wasn't using pick-up lines again, was he?"

This struck an idea in my head. "Well, he did use that 'Are you from Tennessee, because you're the only ten I see,' one. But I don't think that really works unless you're actually _from_ Tennessee. Like you, for instance."

Now she was grossed out. "Eww. I don't want a pet fish hitting on me!"

It was getting us nowhere, so I decided to switch topics.

"So… still planning on doing that kissing booth thing?"

Miley grinned, a glint in her eye. "Oh yeah. I'm actually kinda excited about it."

"Think Kyle would be mad if he knew?"

She bit her lip, and I noticed the glint had disappeared, along with her grin. "Well, I don't know. I'm not gonna tell him about Hannah Montana yet… and I already agreed to this thing before we became an item."

"Yeah, I gotcha…" I smirked to myself. "So, say, what if someone you _know_ ends up being in that line?"

"What do you mean?"

"Liiike someone you know from school…" I looked down innocently. "Or maybe a guy friend that doesn't have any chest hair… that uses blow-up muscles…"

As obvious as I thought that was, she was still puzzled. "Like who?"

"Oh, IIIIIIII don't knooooow. But what would you do?"

"Um…" her voice sounded uncertain. "I'd have to kiss them. It's not like I'm Miley Stewart at the booth. I have to act like I'm Hannah. Nobody in that line will be there to kiss _Miley_ because none of them will know."

Oh, how wrong she was…

"What was that?"

Curse my thinking out loud ability.

"Er, nothing, let's watch some television!"

A couple hours passed by as we watched TV when I noticed Miley kept flicking her cell phone open. I ignored it at first, until it became so distracting that I had to ask.

"Why do you keep doing that? The constant flipping noise is interrupting my drool session from the shirtless Channing Tatum!"

"Well, Oliver's late."

I perked up instantly at the use of his name in her mouth. "_Oh_?"

She looked pretty freaked out… At first I thought it was because she honestly cared and was worried that much about Oliver's absence. Then I realized it was probably because I was bug-eyed and staring her down about a foot from her face, on edge for her following words.

"Um, yeah. About thirty minutes late… what are you _looking_ at me like that for?"

I moved away from her and situated myself in a more comfortable position. "Um, no reason. So, Oliver's late, huh?"

Miley has never looked more confused in her life, I don't think. "Yes… he is," she said slowly, sort of moving farther away from me down the couch. "That's what I just said."

"You should call him!" I said excitedly, standing up.

She didn't stand up with me, though; she just jumped a mile high at my outburst. But still she remained with the same odd look she had been giving me for the last minute. "Um, okay?"

She opened her phone, still appearing puzzled, and pressed some digits with her finger before putting it to her ear. Her eyes wandered the room briefly before she suddenly brightened and opened her mouth.

"Hey! Where are you? …Oh, that's okay… No, really, it's okay… OLIVER, shut up, it's okay! Lilly's just kind of freaking me out a bit…"

A few seconds of silence, and then she looked over at me with a smile.

"I _know_ she does that everyday, but today more than usual…"

I rolled my eyes. "Tell Oliver I'm going to kill him, would you, Miley?"

Her smile grew. "Lilly says she's going to kill you… Haha, true. But she is kinda scaring me… I don't know. She was just pretty overly excited for me to call you and begged me to do it… What'd you say? _Kill_ Lilly? Oh, forget I asked… Okay, I'll see you soon…You should bring us some popcorn. We're fresh out… Yes, we still have the cookies with the little hearts on them… Hahahaha, only you, Oliver… Okay, see you in a few, bye!"

The huge smile on her lips told me everything. I raised my eyebrows at her suggestively as she ended the call. She tilted her head at me. "What?"

"Oh, I think you know."

She blinked. "No… I don't. What?"

I shook my head. "Never mind. When's Oliver getting here?"

She still appeared confused, but answered anyway. "In a few minutes. But what's weird is that he told me he was just leaving the grocery store with his mom… I thought you said he was at the beach?"

I panicked and began to laugh shakily. "Heh heh, well, maybe he lied?"

"You said you saw him there, though, and used the Tennessee line."

Crap. Crap. Crap.

"Uhhh, no I didn't?" Wow. That was so convincing… not.

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't. You're delusional, Miley-Wiley!" Miley-Wiley? I seriously say the weirdest things when I'm under pressure…

"Lilly—"

"LILLY!"

I leapt about a mile as Oliver totally unexpectedly came skateboarding into the house. He yanked me by the shoulders, staring me down with a pretty angry face. _Uh oh_.

"Oliver?" I asked nervously, confused at his extra early appearance. "Miley said you weren't going to be here for—"

"What'd you say to her?!" he demanded, gripping even more tightly onto my shoulders.

I decided to play dumb. "Say to who?"

"You-know-who!"

"Voldemort?"

"AHHH! LILLY!"

Miley stood up and appeared next to us. "Uh, guys? I'm _right here_…"

Oliver let go of me instantly and words starting falling out of his mouth at lightning speed. "M-Miley, hey! How's it going? Good? That's great. Hope you and Crocodile Kyle are just dandy! And I hope you don't suspect anything weird about me or anything, because I've been just peachy. Really! Peachy keen, jelly bean!"

I died laughing. Well, I ended up being still alive when I finally stopped, but you know.

"_Crocodile_ Kyle?" Miley repeated. Of all the things she picked up.

Oliver laughed really loudly. It was a totally fake laugh, too. "HA HA HA! Good joke, huh?!"

Miley backed away. "You guys are really starting to freak me out today…"

And then I kindly explained to her that it had just been a long week at school, and we were just pretty tired, so she shouldn't have to worry. She somehow bought it… I think.

Later on that evening, Miley asked Oliver for the popcorn, and he had a heart attack because he realized he had forgotten it and acted like it was the end of the world… Okay, so _I_ was the one who acted like it was the end of the world because um, _hello_, no popcorn during a movie?! What were we supposed to eat? _Dirt?!_

"What are we gonna eat now?! DIRT?!" I voiced worriedly.

"Calm down, Lilly, it's no big deal," Miley tried reassuring me as she sat down on my left, and Oliver on my right. Yeah, I had to be squished between the lovebirds. Lucky me, I know. "What movie should we watch anyways?"

"What do _you_ wanna watch?" Oliver asked her like the very-obvious-about-his-feelings-that-he-supposedly-doesn't-think-he-has person he is.

Miley smiled appreciatively at him. Gag me. "I'll watch whatever. So you can pick."

"No, no, Miley. You can pick this time."

"Um, no thanks, Oliver. You go ahead."

"You!"

"You!"

_"ME!"_ I shouted in frustration, and the two jumped back from me to opposite ends of the couch. "_I'll_ pick! _I_ have been sitting here, too, you know, for like… the last ten minutes at least, believe or not. I say we watch 50 First Dates, end of story. That's if you guys can take your eyes off each other for two seconds!"

"Wh-what?" Oliver choked, red-faced, while Miley glared at me.

I rolled my eyes and got up from the couch when I felt someone tug on my arm. "Where are you going?" Miley asked.

"Um, to get the movie?"

"Alone?" she looked horrified. Oliver just sat there with his face finally returning to its normal color.

"Yeah… your room is not too far away, you know."

"Ehehe, it's not in my room," she said quietly. Annoyingly enough, she wasn't continuing with where it was so I decided to ask.

The answer was none too pleasant.

"Jackson's room."

I could feel my eyes protruding out of their sockets, and I sort of winced. "Um, alrighty then, I guess I'm not going alone after all. You're both coming with me!"

Their expressions were stunned. I grabbed one of Miley's arms and reached for Oliver's, but he jumped out of my grasp. I lunged again and got a hold of his shirt collar, dragging him and Miley up the stairs with me.

"NO! Don't make me go in there! What'd I ever do to you?!" Oliver wailed.

"Um, besides make me hold your booger infested, nose-picking hand in preschool? Then… _everything_," I said, and I threw down the idiot in front of the door of Jackson's room. "Is he home?"

"I think he's working?" Miley responded unsurely.

I plugged my nose. "Okay then, everybody ready?"

"NO! I need my gas mask, and, and my gloves!" Miley cried. Oliver shouted for help and tried running away, but I tripped him, and he screamed as he fell back to the floor.

"Oh well! IN WE GO!"

As I knew it would be, Jackson's room was as nasty as ever. I don't know how we even found walking space in the dump with the scattered materials, CD's, etc all over the carpet. I was searching around everywhere, but still didn't touch anything except the floor with my shoes. My _poor_ converse were gonna have to suffer.

"There it is!" I heard Miley yell quickly, so I turned around, eager to leave as soon as possible. She was pointing weakly at something on the floor, her face repulsed beyond reason. I looked down to see a DVD stuck under a pair of… boxers… Oh my God, _ew_. I really didn't need to see those.

"Er, get it, Oliver," I stated awkwardly. Oliver was across the room from Miley, and he scrunched his nose up at me.

"Why do _I_ have to get it? Miley's right there!" he pointed out.

"One, cause I said so. Two, you're a boy. Three, you have boxers probably worse than Jackson's. Four, stop looking at me like that, just _get it_!"

Miley took a step back from the boxers. "Besides, Oliver, you're crazy if you think _I'm_ actually gonna risk _touching_ that thing."

He huffed a, "Fine, fine, YEESH," at me, but walked over to Miley anyways. I watched in interest on how the donut was going to do this.

He bent forward and lowered to the ground to observe it closer, and was just starting to reach a hand out to carefully grab the DVD, when…

"AHH! A SPIDER!" Miley suddenly shrieked, causing me to have a minor heart attack. She wrapped her arms around Oliver's waist immediately in fear, causing him to tumble over… and his face landed directly into Jackson's boxers.

As soon as I was safely on Jackson's bed, _away from the floor that apparently was spider infested at the moment_, I laughed pretty hard. Almost to the point of tears. You would, too, if you witnessed the scene in front of me then—Miley was lying right on top of Oliver, and Oliver was positioned right on top of the nastiest pair of undergarments imaginable.

I watched Oliver shift, causing to Miley roll off of him and scream again in surprise. He lifted his head up, looking extremely disgusted with what his face had just come in contact with, and then he moved his face towards Miley, who looked horror struck from their faces being so close together.

Oliver suddenly got this goofy smile on his face. Typical.

_Hmm._

For some reason, when I'm supposed to be Matchmaker, I ruined the moment and was like, "Oliver, she won't kiss you after where your face has just been."

I regretted saying it almost instantly, but you know, I couldn't help it. The two jumped to their feet, avoiding all eye contact, and Oliver grabbed the DVD. His face had grown red. Miley's wasn't; she just glared at me like she was talking silently like, "Oh, shut up, Lilly, you're so dumb, I wasn't gonna kiss Oliver anyways, but I wanted to," until her eyes became attracted to something on the floor…

"AHH! THERE IT IS AGAIN! RUN!" she screeched, pointing at, from where I stood, absolutely nothing, and dashed for the door.

I didn't even check to see if there was a spider anywhere or not. I just jumped off the bed, taking no chances, screaming, and followed. Oliver did, too… screaming just as high pitched as any girl would. Probably even higher.

We hastily closed the door behind us once we were outside, all of us breathing heavily, when I heard a loud buzzing noise. I looked oddly at Miley as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

"Kyle!" she exclaimed happily; all appearance of being terror-struck had gone.

My eyes darted to Oliver to see his response, and he had a trace of a frown on his lips. "Well," he started slowly. "Then I'll just go get the movie ready?"

I turned to Miley, who had already begun to happily chat away with Crocodile Kyle. I sighed. How was this _ever_ going to work with a giant reptile like him in the way?

* * *

**I know, I know, Kyle sucks and is making Miley act not like herself. But… well, you'll see! Review as always! I'll probably update next Tuesday, so until next time!**


	5. Another Chest Hair, Another Problem

**As promised, here's chapter five. I'm in such a crazy fangirl David Cook and Archuleta mood all the time now, it's crazy. Meeting them made me so much crazier than I was to begin with. Hahaha. I'm gonna go watch the Crush music video for the millionth time and be jealous of the girl in it. I also pre-ordered both their CD's! hecks yeah!**

**So, enough of my AI fangirliness.**

**ON TO THE STORY!**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl**  
by Broken Oken

Chapter Five: Another Chest Hair, Another Problem (Oliver)

* * *

I swear, the only thing that really keeps me going to Hannah Montana concerts is the food. Sure, _woo-hoo!_, I'm best friends with Hannah Montana, and get the privilege of being backstage with her all the time now, _yay!_, more _woo-hoo!_, but honestly. Sometimes I just want to punch everything that moves.

Except the guy who comes in with the dessert cart. Cause, well, you know… he brings the dessert. Enough said.

Tonight made me angry. Oh so, so, so very angry. Although I'm not sure why since I guess it's not that big of a deal, but whatever.

So earlier tonight, Lilly, er, Lola and I were standing backstage as usual as Miley… _Hannah Montana_ sang out there on stage to all of her adoring, crazy fans. Lola was casually drinking a glass of Pepsi, and I was looking around with my hands in my pockets, bored out of my mind.

_"If we were a movie, you'd be the right guy, and I'd be the best friend, that you fall in love with,"_ I heard Hannah sing out on stage, and I felt Lola nudge me pretty harshly with her free arm.

"OW!"

"So, donut, that mean anything to you?"

"You have really sharp elbows?"

She hit me again. Honestly, the girl gives me about ten bruises a day.

"I meant the words of that song," she said nastily, and I gave her a mean glare. Not that there's a way to nicely glare at someone… but you know.

"Um, no?"

Lill-Lola didn't seem to believe me, though. She just rolled her eyes like she has been doing at me all week, and took another sip of her Pepsi. Because, you know, I'm supposedly in "The Nile River in Egypt" or something like that…

I, of course, knew exactly what she meant. It was another stupid idea to put into my head that maybe Miley wrote that song about me, just because of the 'best friend' part. It's flattering to think that Miley would ever write something about me. I think. Unless she was making fun of me in it. Or, in this case, talking about being in love with me? Hmm. That's… a weird thought…

"So, still think you can win our bet, lover boy?" Lola asked suddenly, most likely out of boredom since there wasn't much to do backstage at the time.

"Of course. Hannah has a boyfriend now."

"AHA!"

She stuck a pointed finger dangerously close to my left nostril. I looked at it oddly. I'm guessing I was cross-eyed.

"What are you 'AHA!'ing about?" I asked, imitating her voice rudely.

"You basically just told me that if Hannah didn't have a boyfriend, you'd pounce!"

At this word, some very inappropriate thoughts ventured into my head. I blushed at the image of tackling Miley. "Er, uh, pounce?"

"MIKE!" Lill-Lola screamed, throwing her arm awkwardly so her glass of Pepsi rained all over the front of me. She froze like a deer in headlights on the spot, as did I, except my eyelids had locked themselves shut. Oh, and my beard was soaked. Lola doesn't have a beard… I don't think… ew.

I spat out a mouthful of Pepsi and cringed.

"Oops?" I heard Lola say.

"Oh… my…"

I ripped my now-drenched beard off. I began to pull on it from either ends to wring it out and watched in disgust as Pepsi dropped from it onto the floor.

"Oh, it's just soda. Get over it, you big baby."

I gave Lill… _Lola_ a look and set the beard down on the table next to us. "Have I ever mentioned to you that you're the _queen of backwash?_ And maybe, despite how many obviously _dysfunctional_ people out there disagree, I _don't_ want your disgusting spit rotating around in my mouth?"

She shook her now empty glass at me. "I am _not_ the queen of backwash, Michael!"

"Oh, that's right, Lola, my apologies!" I said, looking as sincere as possible as I wiped off my face some more. "You're queen of the flamingos, right?"

She was about to brutally attack me with a fist when Miley, no, Hannah, no, Miley came rushing backstage, interrupting us with a harsh whisper of, "Guys!" I'm going to call her Miley. She's cuter brunette. Er. I mean… more my best friend-er?

Lilly and I… I mean… Lill—oh, what the heck, I'm gonna say Lilly and I. Who cares about who she was at the time, she's always truly Lilly.

So _Lilly_ and I looked at her, then behind us.

"Us?" we asked in unison, not whispering at all.

"No, the drum set behind you."

I turned around and saw nothing. "But there isn't a drum set behind us."

"Oh, for crying out loud, I'll go to you!" Miley stomped over to me, grabbing me by the front of my zip up hoody. I shrieked in alarm.

"EASY NOW! I just got a second chest hair!"

Miley set me down, and I saw Lilly move her eyebrows up and down suggestively behind her. I didn't hesitate to glare. Miley chose to ignore the glare… or maybe she just thought I was glaring at her still for threatening the life of Harry the Second from my chest.

I then took notice of Miley, who was staring incredibly at my shirt. For a brief second, I thought she might be checking me out or something, and that made me feel kind of… awesome… but then I looked down and noticed the giant Pepsi stain. _Crap_. I opened my mouth to explain, and she put up a finger in the air to silence me.

"I'm not even gonna ask… Lola, get over here," Miley ushered my pink-wigged friend closer to us, and we all bent down and huddled together. "Alright, Daddy told me that they are having some security issues tonight with the paparazzi and reporters. There's a slight chance you might run into one back here."

Lilly stood up straight and raised her upper lip. "And why the heck are you telling me this?"

"It's more for Mike's sake here," she whispered back, pulling her back down. "He hasn't had the chance to run into the paparazzi yet, and, well, he might do something stupid."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I practically shouted, obviously forgetting to whisper, and Miley pulled on my arm as well, sending me about two inches away from her face. I could feel my cheeks warm at this, so I quickly pushed myself away from her.

I didn't need to look at Lilly to know she had seen the little encounter; the smirk was apparent in her voice. "It means, Mikey dear, that you're an idiot and are bound to lose your cool around the paparazzi."

Miley glared at her. "Like you don't."

"Hey! I'm getting better! Two weeks ago when we were at that Veronicas concert, I only said, 'Um,' a total of thirty-two times during our 'best friend interview', which beats my record of… thirty-three!"

"Hannah, you're needed back on stage in ten," a man interjected hurriedly, and Miley nodded and promptly snapped back to us.

"Just promise me you guys won't say anything stupid without me here!"

"I won't," I said, smiling as big as possible.

Lilly gave her a thumbs-up and winked. "You can count on me, Hannah Banana!"

Miley put a hand to her head exhaustedly as she turned around to walk back on stage, grumbling. "I'm doomed!"

Lilly merely shrugged and changed her attention back to me. I could only wait to hear what she was gonna say now.

"So, anyways, Mike, like we were saying, you're going to kiss Hannah at the Kissing Booth this next Saturday. Know why? Because you're in love with her."

"No, I'm not!" I argued, yet the thought of tackling Miley again had resurfaced in my brain, so I could feel the blush in my cheeks. "She has a boyfriend!"

"You mean _Miley_ does, not Hannah." She was doing that eyebrow waggle thing again.

"No, technically Hannah has a boyfriend!"

Almost instantly, a camera flashed to the left of me. Blinded and dazed, I pushed my hands out and smacked them into Lilly's forehead.

"Ow, you idiot!" she yelled at me.

When I regained control of my vision, I realized there was a smiling man with a large camera strapped around his neck standing next to us. I looked at him oddly, and Lilly started complaining at once.

"Great work, Mike! Tomorrow's headlines – Lola Luftnagle Gets Creamed in the Face by Ghetto Wannabe Mike Stanley III, and like I said, hopefully the last!"

The man started laughing for some reason. I just kept staring at him with curiosity.

"So, you two know Hannah, I assume?" he asked us with this mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Do I!" Lilly squeaked. I panicked, remembering what Miley had said about the paparazzi and reporters, and placed my hand over her mouth with a warning glare.

He didn't go away, though; he just kept smiling at me. "I heard you say Hannah has a boyfriend. This is definitely news to the public I'll be glad to share."

_Oh, no_, I thought dreadfully, and removed my hand immediately from Lilly's mouth.

"No, no! I, I didn't say that at all!" I stuttered.

He examined a pad of paper in his hand. "I believe you clearly stated, 'Hannah technically has a boyfriend.' Don't deny it."

Lilly stepped in front of me. "But he did say technically! You know, like, like in theory! Like, like, a hypothesis! A proposition… an assumption!"

I slammed my hand back over her mouth; it was definitely better with it there. "I don't think he needs a thesaurus, Lola."

She threw it off me anyways. "What he stated was, indeed, just a theory! A theory, like, Darwin's Theory! That we've all evolved from monkeys! And who really believes that! I mean, MONKEYS?! Except, I do sometimes think Mike here is living proof for Darwin and—"

"LOLA, SHUT UP!" I yelled at her, and she blushed, realizing she had been flooding insanity at the mouth.

"I don't believe either of you," the reporter said sternly. "And I want the truth."

"You don't believe _me_?" Lilly asked, sounding hurt. "Have you seen this guy? He's a regular chimpanzee!"

"That's not what he meant, Lola!" I yelled at her again.

I'm guessing Miley had just finished her last song because quite abruptly, she came skipping back to us, a very content smile on her face. "Oh, guys, _guess what?!_ I saw Kyle in the audience, which is just so sweet of him to do for me because—"

I would've interrupted myself just because I hate her talking about Kyle so much for some reason, I mean, it's all she ever talks about, but _someone_ beat me to it.

"Kyle, eh?" the paparazzi repeated in interest, and Miley halted in mid-skip, finally taking notice of him. "So _that's_ the boytoy's name… interesting…" he began to write something down on the pad again.

"No! There is no boytoy! I don't even like toys! I'm sixteen!" Miley yelled in fright and randomly latched onto my arm.

_I wish she really didn't have a boytoy_, said some weird part inside of me as she did this, and I blinked in confusion. Where had that come from?

"She doesn't have a boyfriend," I stated boldly, placing myself closer to the reporter.

"Then who's Kyle?" he asked suspiciously.

I couldn't even think. "Her… cousin."

Miley's grip on my arm tightened at this, meaning I had just made a bad move. I glanced sideways at Lilly, who mouthed _'cousin?'_ at me in disbelief. She then straightened up when she saw the reporter looking at her, and smiled cheekily with a thumbs up.

"Hmm… I'm not sure if I believe you," the man said to me.

"Well, you should. Even if Kyle and her weren't related, he still wouldn't be good enough for her and—"

_Whoa_. I stopped myself. Again, where had _that_ come from? I couldn't even look at Miley or Lilly. Miley because she was probably in shock. Her grip _had_ sufficiently softened on my arm, and she was burning holes through the side of my face with her eyes… and Lilly… well, let's just say I knew Lilly would be turning that statement into something else later.

The paparazzi guy seemed to get some weird kind of enjoyment at what I just said. "Really now? Am I sensing some… jealousy?"

"Jealousy?" I spat the word out. "Of course not! What is it with everyone's deal thinking I'm jealous of any guy that Hannah comes in contact with—"

I stopped myself again. That was _not_ going to help anything.

"Oh, don't feel ashamed," the guy said in this mysterious, evil voice. "This kind of thing happens all the time. Best friends falling for each other… the public will absolutely _love_ it."

Then, a flash of light. A picture of Hannah Montana attached to my arm had been taken. I lunged out to grab the psycho, but he managed to run away from my grasp. Miley let go of me, and I angrily chased him to the backstage door. However, when I finally got outside backstage, I saw he was nowhere to be seen.

I stood there in defeat for a minute next to the limo, stunned at what had just happened, when I heard footsteps behind me.

"Mike?"

It was Miley. I didn't want to talk to her. She probably hated me at the moment.

"Go ahead, call me a donut and hit me. Here," I held out my arm, shutting my eyes to prepare for the impact. "Let all your anger out. Do your worst."

When no hurt came, however, I peeked open an eye, and she was just looking at me with this weird expression on her face. It was a mixture of bafflement and… something else.

"I'm not gonna hit you, boy," she said, smiling slightly.

"Aren't you mad? Don't you want to tear off my head, not to mention _both_ of my chest hairs?"

She laughed. I was so confused. "Calm down, I'm not mad at you. This isn't really that big of a deal. Hannah is still single to the public, and that's what I wanted to make sure everyone would still think."

"But now people are gonna think _I'm_ in love with you!" I shouted, pulling my cheeks downwards with my hands in frustration.

"Hey, you were at one point, remember?"

I blushed as memories of stalking after her tour buses back in seventh grade wove into my brain. "That was Oliver."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh well. So it's 'Mike Stanley III'," she used finger quotes at my disguise name, "this time. We all know you're not in love with me, so who cares."

"Lilly thinks so."

I didn't mean to say it; it just kinda slipped.

She looked at me strangely. "Lilly thinks you're in love with me?"

"Er…" I struggled to cover this up. "Stupid reason. She says I stare at you a lot or something."

Miley's voice got really quiet, and she suddenly avoided my eyes. "Oh…"

Why it was so awkward, I had no clue. I wasn't in love with Miley. So things should've been normal. She should've been yelling at me and making fun of my 'boy brains' by then.

"But I'm not, so no worries!" I explained rapidly.

She shook her fake blonde hair and looked up at me almost uncertainly. "Well, okay, that's good I guess. So, um, let's not worry about this paparazzi guy right now. Right now I need to finish my concert, so let's go back inside?"

I nodded my head, my stomach swirling like crazy for no good reason.

"Yeah… I guess you're right. We'll worry about it later."

Little did I know that come tomorrow morning, 'later' would arrive.

* * *

**Wheeeeee. Hopefully that chappie didn't suck as much as the last one. Next is Miley's point-of-view. Yay. Reviews? :3**


	6. Mt Pimple and the Teenzweek Tabloid

**Hoorayness for chapter six! Another one of my least favorites (not the WORST… but definitely not the best either), but it certainly advances the plot forward… mwahaha.**

**I hope you enjoy, despite the terribility. And that's so not a word. I'm awesome.**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl**  
by Broken Oken

Chapter Six: Mt. Pimple and the Teenzweek Tabloid (Miley)

* * *

Having a concert on a Sunday evening definitely takes a lot out of a woman. And waking up on a Monday morning for school _kills_ her. At least me, anyways. Despite it being the death of me, I still got up. This was just because of my dad. You see, I kind of have bucket-of-water-o-phobia.

After mindlessly convincing Jackson to give me a ride to school, I walked inside… or trudged, I don't know. I don't think I was putting my feet in front of each other fast enough I was so tired, and I don't know if you'd call it a _walk_ either…

So I got to my locker, halfway dead, and automatically started twisting in my combination. _14… 27…_

"Miley!"

My eyes popped open wider at the exclamation of my name, and I turned to see Kyle beside me. He was smiling rather arrogantly, I must say, but boy, was he _cute_… and what I'd like to call, a Monday morning miracle in the form of a human being.

"Oh, hey," I said with a sleepy smile and a yawn, reaching out to hug him.

"Wow, you tired or something?" he asked as he gently placed me into his arms, which I did not hesitate to snuggle into.

"Oh yeah… late night last night."

His grip on me loosened, and I pulled away from him in concern. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and we locked eyes. His seemed to be questioning my appearance, as if searching for something, but yet not finding what he was looking for.

"Really? I tried your cell last night, but it must've been off or something… and when I tried your house, your dad said you went to sleep early."

_Crap._

"Oh, um, well, I was up doing homework for a long time, he probably just _thought_ I was sleeping!"

I didn't know if he believed me or not, but at least he was smiling now.

"It's alright," he said, and I was relieved at his now convinced tone. I still wasn't comfortable enough with Kyle to tell him anything about the "other me". I wasn't sure when I was _going_ to feel that comfortable with him either… and I don't know why, but I was sort of worried that I never would.

"So… Guess where I went last niiight?" His singsong tone brought me back to planet earth.

_Oh, I don't know_, I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes._ The Hannah Montana concert?_

"McDonald's?" I pretended to guess.

As fun as it can be, the whole double life thing can really suck sometimes. 'Cause I already knew I was going to have to listen to a play-by-play of what happened at the concert, when really, I had lived the exact thing he was going to tell me about a thousand times.

"Nooo, I went to the Hannah Montana concert!" he was saying excitedly, meaning he had totally bought the lame McDonald's comment. "I knew you said she was your favorite singer, so I decided to give her a shot. She really wasn't that bad at all. And I saw in the news today that she revealed she has a cousin named Kyle, who was at her concert last night! Wouldn't that be cool if that was me, that I was secretly related to her… like a distant cousin?!"

"More distant than you think…" I muttered.

"What was that?"

"Um, nothing. So, what, what'd you think of her again?" I prayed to myself that he wouldn't question my stutter.

Thankfully, he didn't even seem to notice. "She holds a pretty decent concert for chick music. And, I have to say, she was pretty dang good-lookin'."

He then nudged me like I was some guy friend of his or something, and I just blinked a couple of times. It's so weird (and kind of uncomforting) to me that he had absolutely _no idea_ that I was the girl he was probably entranced by last night. But I decided to have a little fun out of it anyways.

"Prettier than me?"

He smirked crookedly, placing his forehead down upon mine. "_No way."_

Our lips were centimeters away from touching when something plummeted into the side of us, knocking us down to the floor. I couldn't move either. Something heavy and _breathing_ had landed on top of me. Okay, so it wasn't a something. It was a some_one_.

When I turned my head to figure out whom my intruder was, a familiar brown pair of eyes met me. They stared into my own eyes for a full three seconds before my face became well aware of what was going on and what I had just been told the night before, and started burning up really bad.

"OLIVER!" I yelled, pushing him off me in embarrassment. "What are you doing?!"

"Er, sorry, Miles!" he apologized, jumping to his feet. It would be a lie to say that his cheeks weren't flaming. "Lilly kind of just pushed me over here into you for some reason, I didn't mean to—"

"Yeah, she has been doing that kind of stuff a lot lately," I cut him off acidly as he helped me to my feet.

"Uh, hello? Anyone wanna help _me_ up?"

Oh, wow, I had almost forgotten about Kyle. Blushing guiltily, I quickly pulled on his arm to get him to stand up, and he brushed his jeans off hurriedly. I suddenly heard an extra pair of footsteps beside us and glanced up to notice that Lilly had appeared on the scene.

"Morning, Miley!" she greeted with a giant smile.

I glared at her, threateningly taking a stomp forward, and she started walking backwards in alarm with her palms up.

"Heeeey, Lilly," I said with my teeth smashed together in an effort to smile back.

She blinked, but still kept moving backwards, knowing her life was well in danger with me in front of her. "_Okaaay_… um, anyways, Miley, I think I _really_ need to talk to you about something."

"Can't it wait?" I whispered, pointing to Kyle with my eyes.

She bit her lip slightly. "Well, I mean, it's kinda urgent, I think, but..." she glanced at Kyle herself. "I guess it has to. Hey, Crocodile Kyle!"

Kyle twitched his head backward, and his eyebrows rose to add to the now perplexed expression on his face. I panicked immediately and nudged Lilly in the ribs.

"Ow!" she cried. "Did I say crocodile? I meant Rotten Bile! I mean, just… hey, yo yo, Kyle?"

I slapped myself on the forehead. I could not believe this.

Kyle muttered a lame greeting back to her, nonetheless, so I guess that was okay. I smiled at him adoringly, and that was when I noticed Oliver's gaze out of the corner of my eye. I turned around at once to look at him questioningly, but as soon as I did, he put his head down to stare at the floor.

Now that I know Lilly thinks Oliver is in love with me, it's kinda giving me an uncomfortable, weird, almost _nervous_ feeling to be around him. Well, not really all the time, but when I see him looking my way, I feel like he's thinking some "not so friendship" thoughts about me, and then I can't really concentrate.

"Uh, Miley?"

I tore my eyes away from Oliver at the sound of Kyle's voice. "Er, what?"

"You were kinda spacing out."

For instance, I had apparently just lost concentration then. I shook my head, ridding myself of any more thoughts of what Oliver may really think of me.

"S-sorry, Kyle, just tired. Anyways, I should probably get to class." I had to force myself to look at Oliver then, and his eyes seemed to bulge for some reason. "Um, bye, Oliver. And I'll talk to you at lunch, Lilly?"

Lilly nodded at me as I speedily high-tailed it out of there for some reason. It should never have to be this awkward whenever Oliver is around. Why did Lilly have to go and think he's in love with me? And why did Oliver have to tell me that she does anyways? _Ughhh._

"MILEY!" I heard Kyle call behind me. "Don't you need your books?"

"Oh, sweet nibblets," I muttered, blushing again as I went back to my locker to finish dialing in my combination.

* * *

I like lunchtime. I really do. It's just fantastic.

Or maybe because it's the only other class besides Geometry that I have with Kyle. And in class, Kyle can't put his arm around my waist or kiss my cheek. But at lunch… things are different. In a good way, of course, if you know what I mean.

Oliver wasn't sitting in his chair. I don't know why. I didn't really even know where he was. He kinda just disappeared, and I was a little worried because lunch is his favorite period of the day…

"Miley?" Kyle snapped fingers in front of my face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. But where's Oliver?"

Kyle's face twitched for some reason at this. "How should I know?"

I looked at Lilly for an answer, but she only shrugged and took another bite out of her grilled cheese sandwich.

"He's probably in the bathroom or something," Kyle said carelessly. "Anyways, so that Hannah Montana concert last night was really something. She's—"

A hard cough prevented Kyle from going further, and I realized at once Lilly was the one coughing. My eyes bulged, knowing that Lilly was not used to me having friends or anyone that doesn't know "my secret" talking about Hannah Montana. Luckily, however, Kyle only appeared concerned.

"Are you okay, Lilly?"

As she continued to cough, she raised a frail-looking thumbs-up. I heard something that sounded like, "Excuse me," and she got up from her seat and left.

"I'm going to go check up on her," I told Kyle, whose face had grown with even more worry. "Be right back!"

I followed Lilly into the girl's bathroom and realized that her choking fit had finally stopped. I stared at her through the mirror above the sink. She had her head down like she was looking into at the faucets.

"Way to act smooth out there, Captain Obvious."

She rested her palms on the edge of the sink, and lifted her head, peering back at my reflection with a sneer. "Glad to see you're so worried about the fact that your best friend almost DIED on her grilled cheese sandwich!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't just let Kyle figure you-know-what out right now. I… I don't know if I trust him enough yet."

"Yet you trusted Mr. Two Chest Hairs with the secret?" Lilly asked, rolling her eyes. I glared; we were still only looking at each other through the mirror.

"Well, he's kept it, hasn't he? And he's my best friend!" Lilly's eyebrows rose at this. "Aside from you, of course."

"All I'm saying is that Kyle's eventually gonna figure this out," she said and turned to face me at last. "He's not dumb."

I placed my hands on my hips. "Oliver was dumb. He never figured it out."

She raised a hand to argue, and then it slowly fell to her side. "True. He's definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed… he's more like a plunger."

It fell silent between us for a moment until Lilly's eyes suddenly expanded in what appeared to be shock.

"Oh my gosh, Miley! Have you seen the latest issue of TeenWeek Magazine?! I meant to talk to you earlier, but Kyle was right there and… urgh, just, _have you seen it yet?!_"

Her screaming was practically deafening, and I didn't even have time to reply 'no' when she whipped her backpack off her shoulders so she could dig through it. After throwing out a couple of random notebooks, a magazine appeared in her hands, and she thrusted it into my face.

"LOOK!" she cried.

I gazed at it for a moment. "'_Ten Kittens Mysteriously Abducted By Frog Men'_?"

Lilly snatched it back, looking clearly embarrassed, and stuffed it harshly back into the bag. "Er… sorry, here we are."

Another magazine was shoved into my nose, and I examined the front picture to find it was probably the one Lilly had wanted me to look at in the first place. The picture was of me. Okay, _Hannah Montana,_ but still me. But I wasn't the one centered in the photo for once… Oliver was. Well, Mike Stanley III. In giant, bold white letters, it read "BEST FRIENDS OR MORE? MEET HM'S BEST JEALOUS GUY FRIEND!"

I looked at it long and hard, and sighed.

"Big surprise, Lilly," I commented sarcastically, tossing the magazine back at her, and she awkwardly caught it in her hands.

But as soon as it landed there, it was thrown right back at my face. I seized it just before it could hit me in the lip and glared, yet I was really just confused.

"Miley!" Lilly said, sounding irritated. "Look at it _closer_!"

I did. But nothing seemed to change about the picture… until…

"Oh my gosh, is that _chocolate chip cookie_ on my teeth?! Lilly! This is an _emergency!_ Why didn't you tell me this before?!"

She scurried over to me and draped her head around my neck to see. "Eww, you're right! That's disgusting!" she shut her eyes then, shaking her head. "Er, no, _Miley!_ That's not what I'm talking about! LOOK AT MIKE'S FACE."

"Um, okay." I did as I was told, and my eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! His chin!"

"YES, FINALLY—"

"That zit could make the Appalachian Mountains jealous!"

"YEAH, and… wait, what?!"

Lilly was looking at me in disbelief for some reason. I pointed at the picture. "Right there. Ollie needs some new zit crème…"

"MILEY!" I was abruptly taken a hold of by the shoulders, and the expression on Lilly's face told me she was very unhappy. I was kind of scared, to tell you the truth. "Work with me here! How come you can see Mike's zit?!"

"Um, well, it's hard not to when it's made its own continent and—OH MY GOSH!" The horror dawned upon me. "HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS BEARD ON!"

Lilly sighed, most likely in relief_. "Finally!"_

"Lilly! This is horrible!" I could barely breathe, and my heart rate wasn't helping by increasing by an unpleasant amount. "You can _so_ tell that it's Oliver! W-w-why doesn't he have his beard on? I mean, I know I made fun of it, but only a little!"

Lilly cocked a brow at me.

"Okay, _a lot_, but, but getting rid of it… it's Oliver! OLIVER OKEN IS ON THE FRONT OF TEENZWEEK MAGAZINE!"

"SHHH! SOMEONE WILL HEAR YOU!" Lilly quickly brought me into a hug and patted the back of my head. By this time, I was pretty much hyperventilating into her shoulder.

"Calm down… no one seems to have noticed so far… Well, they might have seen Mt. Pimple and the cookie in your teeth, but—"

"Lilly!" I interrupted, angry that she was trying to distract me. "Why doesn't he have his beard on?! WHY?!"

"Er, well… you see…" The way Lilly had stiffened brought me back to my senses. Something was wrong. "I accidentally, repeat, ACCIDENTALLY, so don't hurt me," she said really fast, and then inhaled deeply. "I, um, spilled some Pepsi all over him! Don't hurt me! And ya see, it kinda got on his beard. So, he took it off for a second… and then, well, you came along and was all like, 'Paparazzi and reporters, security problems, blah blah blah,' and the rest is history!"

I brought my head back up and stared at her now smiling face. "So this is YOUR fault?!"

She let go of me, starting to back away towards one of the bathroom's tiled walls. "Now calm down, Miley!" she said fretfully. "It's actually the Pepsi's fault! You, you should go show it a lesson by drinking Coca Cola right in front of its face, and… _eep!_" she darted away from my grasp and out the bathroom door.

I stood there with the magazine trembling in my hands. I didn't bother running after her. I just kept looking at the magazine, seeing Hannah Montana and Oliver Oken dressed in Mike Stanley III attire on the front page.

I pressed my face down against the sink.

_"Sweet nibblets, what am I going to do?"_

* * *

**Uhhh ohhh. What's gonna happen now? :) Bwahaha. Review as always, and tune in next Tuesday to read the next chapter… through Lilly's eyes. I feel like a sucky commercial or something. Oh well. BYEE.**


	7. Hiccupotamus

**Sooo, I think I actually like this chapter, so hopefully you guys will, too. :) It's not amazingly written, but what happens in it makes me smile. Tehe. Anyways. My stupid author's note is over! WOO.**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Seven: Hiccupotamus (Lilly)

* * *

Miley has been an emotional wreck all day… in every class period I have with her, anyways. She forgave me more quickly than I thought she would about the beard thing. And since I have yet to talk to Oliver about it, we decided I would do so right after school so he could hyperventilate then and not make a scene in front of everyone in the entire high school.

But really, Miley was being ridiculous. It was really hard to deal with because she would just randomly start freaking out under her breath and slamming her head repeatedly against her desk. Actually, she would ram it against about anything with a hard surface. I had to pull her away from the road because she was going to attempt playing chicken with a car or something.

So yeah, after she does this whole hitting her head against the desk business thing, people get all weirdly concerned and ask me what's wrong with her, so I made up the excuse of, "She missed breakfast this morning. Most important meal of the day, you know!" Which ultimately sucks in my opinion, but everyone was just like, "Oh yeah," and nodded like it was normal for someone to slam their head against wooden surfaces when they missed breakfast.

Anyways, so the next day at fifth hour, Chemistry rolled around. When I got into the classroom, I saw Miley sitting in her usual seat with her head against the desk. It was actually an improvement because at least she wasn't slamming it this time.

"You gonna be okay?" I asked as I sat myself down next to her.

She didn't move, so I could only barely hear her muffled reply of, "Lilly, can you do me a favor?"

"Will it make you happy?"

She nodded as best as you could against a table desk.

"Then, yes, I will."

"Okay, grab my Chemistry book."

I wrinkled my nose at the request. "Miley, I don't care how unhappy you are, I'm _not_ gonna do your homework for you."

"It's not about my homework!"

Startled at her tone, I fearfully took her book into my hands instantly. "Er, alright, now what?"

"Listen carefully…" she lifted an arm and pointed at her head. "With full force, hit me on the back of the head with it."

"MILEY!" I yelled furiously.

"Just do it. And if I'm still conscious afterwards, try it again. Maybe if I go into a coma, this whole thing will blow over."

Angrily I smacked her head with the book, and she jolted upwards.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" she shrieked, holding her head with a hand. "You're not actually _supposed_ to listen to me!"

"I know. I hit you because you're being dumb."

"Gee thanks!"

"Anytime," I said with a satisfied smile. "You just need to stop freaking out because I'm sure no one will even notice you-know-what. I mean, _you_ didn't even notice and you stare at Oliver all the time."

I accidentally said that last part; I honestly didn't mean to, but it was something I had picked up about her the last few days. It was nearly impossible to gain her attention sometimes when he was around. She would suddenly lose focus, and bite her lip, and look at him in this… wistful way. She'd only come out of it if I smacked her arm. I was beginning to feel like an abusive friend when it happened the sixth time.

Then again, I shouldn't feel too bad. I abuse Oliver daily.

So anyways, it was quiet for a short moment after that remark, and Miley blinked at me a couple times.

"I don't stare at Oliver. He stares at me."

I hadn't actually planned on her to argue with me. I was kind of hoping she would've just changed the subject entirely, but this was new material that I could try and work with.

"How do you know he's staring unless you're staring back?" I said, raising my eyebrows with a smirk.

"I don't stare at him!" she shouted. "Oliver stares at _me_! I see him staring at the corner of my eye, meaning _I'm_ not staring, _he's_ staring."

I rolled my eyes. "_You're_ staring at _him_ staring at you from the corner of your staring eye then. You're staring."

"I don't stare at Oliver staring at me!"

"Actually, you _do_ stare at Oliver staring at you, who is staring at Oliver from the corner of your eye."

"Oliver stares at me staring at _him_ out of the corner of my eye! No, wait, too many stares—"

"HA! YOU ADMIT IT!" I cried with a triumphant pointed finger in her face.

"Admit what?" a male voice behind me asked.

"That you stare at Oli—OLIVER! WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?"

His sudden presence had scared me. I definitely hadn't noticed the voice change quick enough to notice it was Oliver who had questioned me, not Miley.

I snapped around and saw him standing there behind our chairs, holding onto the strap of his book bag that was currently slung over his shoulder.

He quirked a brow at me. "Um, just a second ago."

All of a sudden, Miley started laughing really loudly. I leaned, confused, to look at her like she was absolutely crazy. Once she saw me (and probably Oliver, too) staring at her that way, she quickly put two hands over her mouth and pressed her face back against the table.

And just as I suspected, she began to bang her forehead onto it repeatedly.

"What's wrong with her?" Oliver asked as he sat down at the table next to us.

I patted Miley's back and sighed. "She missed breakfast this morning. Most important meal of the day, you know."

* * *

When school finally ended, Oliver and I had to wait, like, five whole minutes for Miley to say goodbye to Crocodile Kyle. It's amazing how stressed out she can be, then the second he appears, she goes into "La La Giggle About Everything Land" and forgets just about anything else alive and breathing except him.

While we were waiting just outside the front steps, I decided to take note of the hateful expression on Oliver's face while he watched Miley giggle some more and twirl her hair as she talked to Kyle. I smirked; he was _totally_ jealous. I had to take advantage of the situation.

"Something bothering you, Ollie?"

He blew a puff of air irritably, and some of his bangs went upward. "_No_."

"You suuuuure? You look awfully mad." I batted my eyelashes at him innocently.

However, his eyes still hadn't left Miley. "Well, you know, I really want to go to Rico's because I'm starving to death, but Miley is over there wasting time with some stupid idiot who can't keep his hands _or lips_ to himself."

I started laughing so hard that it hurt my stomach. He finally faced me.

"What?"

I laughed a little more. "Oliver, why can't you just admit you're jealous already?"

"Because it's not true!" he argued. "I'm just really hungry! And that… that… jerkasaurus over there is interfering with my stomach's happiness!"

"Jerkasaurus? What are we, in kindergarten?"

He narrowed his eyes, turning back to scoff at Miley and Kyle some more. "Well, just _look_ at him. You can't tell me you actually _approve_ of that crocodile."

Truthfully, I really _don't_ approve of him since I want Oliver and Miley to get together already, but I decided to try and push some more of Oliver's buttons anyways.

"Well, that crocodile sure makes her smile. Haha, hey, I rhymed!" As amused as I was at this, Oliver didn't seem pleased at all—his eyes had transformed into thin slits. "Oh, _stop_, if he makes her happy, then I don't see any problem here."

Oliver seemed to be fuming at my statement. "Well, I do!"

"And what's that?"

He started sputtering the beginnings of incoherent sentences.

"What?" I cupped my ear like I couldn't hear him. "Couldn't catch that…"

"Just… just… he's a stupid pretty boy jock!"

I chuckled. "Oliver, who cares? He makes her happy. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"No, actually it's not enough!" He turned to me, and I was surprised to see fire in his eyes. "He doesn't even _know_ her! _None_ of her boyfriends ever do! They all just see a pretty face. Just like when she's Hannah Montana. They don't know the actual person under the wig! At that Kissing Booth, all those losers are gonna pucker up just so they can kiss a pair of pretty celebrity lips! When I actually _know_ who I'll be in line to kiss!"

I was flabbergasted at this outburst, so I couldn't really speak. I hadn't expected him to say _anything_ like that.

He was breathing like he was out of breath from being so mad, and then he got dead silent in realization of what he had just blurted.

"Er… that doesn't… mean… anything," he pieced the statement together awkwardly.

I finally smiled. "_Uh huh_."

"Lilly, seriously."

"_Uh huh_."

"Lilly," his tone seemed to be warning me like he was going to hurt me. But like _that_ would ever happen. So I pressed on.

"Uh _huh_."

"LILLY!"

"Uh _huh!_ You love her."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do! You _loooove_ her! You wanna _kiiiisss_ her! At the _kiiiissing booth_! I'm gonna _wiiiiin_!" I followed my little chant by performing the "running man" dance move.

Oliver's face was scorching red by then. "I don't wanna kiss her! No, no, I don't! Really! Lilly! LILLY! LISTEN TO ME!"

I didn't even really hear what he was saying, to tell you the truth. I was too busy dancing my victory dance.

"Stop dancing!"

I shook my hips back and forth and cried out a, "Neeever!"

He grabbed my arm to stop me anyways. "Ow!" I shouted as I came to a halt and shoved him off me. "Okay, fine, yeesh!"

"I don't love Miley," he told me calmly, but so firmly that it almost seemed like the truth for a second. But only almost. "I mean, I do… just… not in the way you think."

I felt my eyebrows rise. "_Suure_, Oliver. I believe you."

"Great! I knew you'd finally—_you're lying, aren't you?!_"

"Maaaybe."

"Lilly—"

"Oh, come off it, Oliver," I interjected. "You can't honestly sit here and tell me that you haven't realized you have a staring problem when it comes to Miley. And you _know_ you think she's pretty. You'd be crazy _not_ to. You and I both know why you _really_ don't like Kyle. I mean, seriously. I won't tell her, I just think you need to stop swimming in the Nile River already!"

He shifted uncomfortably. "I don't… stare at her." And hiccupped.

I grinned widely. "Nuh uh, you _hiccupped!_ You're lying!"

"No! I just burped!" Another hiccup. He covered his mouth in horror.

"You stare at Miley and you _know_ it!"

"No I don't!"

_Hiccup._"You're hiccupping!" I said happily.

"I am not!"

"You're a _hiccup_-otamus swimming in the Nile River!" I went on with a bigger smile. "Who _loooves_ to stare at Miley!"

"NO!"

_Hiccup._

"NO NO NO!"

_Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup._

"AH, OKAY, SOMETIMES!"

_Hiccup, hiccup._

"OKAY, ALL THE TIME! JUST MAKE IT STOP!"

I started bouncing up and down I was so overjoyed. "You like her! You love her! YES, YOU FINALLY ADMIT YOU LOVE MI—!"

Oliver shoved his hands around my mouth. I furrowed my brows at him.

"Okay," he whispered strictly. "So maybe I do have some weird new feelings about Miley… but if you ever, I mean, _ever_ tell anyone… I'll… well, I don't know what I'll do. Probably kill you."

He let his hands off of my lips so I could speak again. "I'm just happy you finally admit it. It's gonna be pretty hard for you to win our little bet now, eh, lover boy?"

"Don't call me that! And I'll still win!"

"Yeah, right. You _want_ to kiss her."

He grabbed the ends of his hair and pulled on them in frustration with his face glowing scarlet. "Gahhhhh!"

Luckily, Miley had finished talking with Kyle, and was just now approaching us, meaning she hopefully hadn't heard a word of what we just said. I watched in interest as she came skipping up behind Oliver with a smile.

"I gotta date with Kyle on Friday at the moooovies!" she was singing to herself happily, but the smile fell off her face immediately when she caught sight of Oliver looking as upset as he was.

"You finally told him?" she asked me, startling him enough to make him jump.

"T-t-told me what?"

I loved knowing the reason he was blushing and stuttering at her appearance. Fighting back a smile, I removed my backpack from my shoulder, beginning to dig through it again. "Not yet."

"What? What has she not told me yet?" Oliver repeated, blinking in confusion.

I threw the magazine at him. "Read it."

With his hands, he put it about two inches in front of his face. His eyes went back and forth, obviously reading the front page and taking it all in. Then, his mouth twitched.

_"Oh, no!"_

Miley heaved a frustrated sigh and glared at me. "_See_, Lilly! I'm not the only one making a big deal. _Oliver_'s freaking out, too!"

"Those poor kittens never saw those frog men coming!" Oliver said sadly, shaking his head with a frown.

"Kittens?" Miley stared at him oddly.

I blushed in realization of what magazine I had accidentally thrown to him—the same one I had thrown to Miley earlier. I snatched it out of his hands to toss it back into my bag. Oliver looked confused.

Miley put her hands on her hips. "That was that '_Ten Kittens Mysteriously Abducted By Frog Men' _thing again, wasn't it? Honestly, Lilly… why do you even _have_ that?"

Oliver narrowed his eyes at her. "You don't even care about those kittens, do you?"

She slapped her hand to her forehead and ran it down her entire face in slow motion.

"Um, ehehe, it's my mom's?" I said, embarrassed, finally pulling out the right magazine from my bag. "Anyways, er, here's the real thing."

Oliver took it from me at once. Miley and I waited patiently as we could for his response. I was mentally preparing myself for anything.

He cleared his throat a couple of times and smiled. "Well now. That's _me_ next to Hannah Montana. And I must say, I am hot stuff."

Before I could even attempt smacking the donut for his overconfidence, Miley grabbed the magazine from him and whacked him over the head with it.

"Don't you get it?!" she hissed. "Your beard is missing!"

After recovering from her attack, he re-examined the magazine. "Hey now, it is."

We stared at him, calmly waiting for him to go on.

I had thought I had readied myself with every kind of reaction possible, but what Oliver did was absolutely ridiculous and totally unexpected, yet something he _would_ do at the same time.

He blinked a couple of times and rubbed his belly thoughtfully. "Anyways, I'm hungry. Let's go to Rico's already."

Miley's mouth fell open in disbelief.

I couldn't stand not watching any pain come to him from him being so stupid, so I grabbed the magazine from Miley and smacked him once more with it. There was immediate success in the pain department – he was whimpering.

"_What?_ What'd I say now?"

"Without the beard, stupid, you're just Oliver in baggy clothes," I explained.

His eyes widened. "Wait. So that means… I'm… _me_… Oliver Oken… is on the cover of TeenzWeek Magazine…"

And just like that, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he fainted.

Miley and I just looked at each other. _"Finally!"_

* * *

**WOO! Finally the donut admits it. Hooray. An****yways, feel free to review! I will love you forever and for always. And that's a _good_ thing, not a scary thing… believe it or not. :)**


	8. Crocodile Hunting

**Chapter Eight! Oh yeah! Get cruuunk! Hahaha, okay, I'm done, I'll just get to the fic already since no one cares about my author's notes anyways. :D**

**This chapter is a little longer than what you've seen so far, yay!**

**

* * *

**

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Eight: Crocodile Hunting (Oliver)

* * *

I think it took approximately seventeen minutes and forty-two seconds to calm me down after I woke up from fainting. It's ridiculous how much I do that. But could you really blame me? I mean, I was on the front cover of _TeensWeek Magazine_, and not really as Mike Stanley III, either…

And honestly… _why'd_ I have to go and tell Lilly about my feelings? I mean, I don't know if I actually _like_ Miley! It's more of a… blushing, stuttering, staring, nervous, goofy smile, tummy-go-swirly, palms-get-sweaty reaction that I happen to get around _only_ her. Maybe I'm just allergic to her or something… you never know!

For instance, there was earlier today. Lilly was sitting at Rico's, talking to Jackson, so that left me sitting on the beach alone… next to Miley… who was in a _bikini_… tanning…

And yes, I was _blushing_ pretty violently. Issue number one.

"Oliver?" I heard her ask, but she didn't lift her head from her tanning position.

"Uh, y-yeah?"

_Stuttering_. Issue number dos.

"What are you staring at?"

_Staring. _Issue number three.

"Er, nothing."

"Sunglasses don't make me blind, you know." She put up a hand to slide them down her nose so she could get a better look at me. Yeah, just what I needed. Not.

"Really, what's so interesting about my face?"

I didn't know what to say. _Nervous. _Issue number four."Um, nothing."

Yeah, real smooth one on my part. I had told her there's _nothing interesting_ about her face. Total _lie_. It has to be pretty interesting with the way I'm pretty much always looking at it, you know. But it's a lot more than interesting. It's like… really pretty and stuff.

GREAT. I probably do like her! Just WONDERFUL.

"Okaaaay…" she said in that tone that meant she hadn't believed me, either. Her eyes wandered over my head, then around it completely. "But where's Lilly? She's supposed to be bringing me my smoothie."

I glanced over to Rico's and saw that Lilly wasn't talking to Jackson anymore; she appeared to be in deep concentration while staring at the menu.

"Looks like she's still ordering," I said with a shrug.

"That girl is slower than Uncle Earl running in a marathon with a grand piano tied to his back."

I smiled goofily at her for a while until she turned to look questionably at me again. Blushing slightly, I shook myself out of my trance so she wouldn't bother me with another 'staring' interrogation.

"Er, yeah," I muttered an agreement, although I had momentarily forgotten what she had said in the first place.

"Sooo, Oliver, dear." Miley flashed me a pretty smile and batted her eyelashes.

_My tummy got all swirly, and my palms got all sweaty. _Finally, issue numbers five and six. There you have it, ladies and gents. My symptoms of… being… "allergic"… yes. Let's call it that.

"Can you go… hurry her along or something?" Miley continued. "She knows I'm stressed out today about the—uh—one thing. And you know what would calm me down?"

I shrugged again. "The relaxing waves of the ocean?" I paused, feeling courageous all of a sudden. "With a nice backrub from yours truly?"

Something scarlet dotted her cheeks for a brief moment, until she smiled brightly at me, as if proud, which in turn, made me feel a little more arrogant and awesome than usual. And kind of… well, excited. Smiles were good! Right?

"Yea—" The smile subsided. "I mean—NO! A STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE!" she screamed, knocking me backwards.

I jumped to my feet in alarm. "Um, of course, uh, sure," I mumbled and darted away.

However, when I approached Lilly from behind at the counter, she didn't seem to notice my existence at all.

"Should I get one or two scoops of ice cream…" the blonde was burbling, still gazing at the menu above the shack.

I rolled my eyes. "As if it matters, aren't you already suffering from brain freeze?"

Unfortunately for my poor toes, my existence was made known to her as she turned around and stomped onto them. I howled in agony.

"Don't be an idiot," she told me sternly. "I have blackmail on you now."

"Just _wonderful_," I murmured to myself as she turned back around to the counter. Nonetheless, this didn't mean I wasn't going to be childish and stick my tongue out at the back of her head.

"Oh, Jacksoooon, I think I've decided!" Lilly called excitedly and leaned forward across the countertop. The overfriendly tone of her voice and body language was confusing; she was acting like he was her best friend, not her best friend's _older brother_.

But instead of Miley's brother's head popping up from behind the counter, the one of the employee I had no desire to see appeared instead.

Ugh, Rico.

"And what can I get for you, pretty lady?" He asked Lilly, wiggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively. "A little dose of Rrrrrrico?"

Lilly vomited. Well, imitated herself vomiting.

"Please, don't ruin my appetite."

"Or mine," I added quietly, yet still didn't go unheard since Lilly elbowed me in the ribs anyways.

"I want two scoops of chocolate ice cream in a dish," she went on happily before rolling her head back to me, clearly annoyed. "And what do you want again, Oliver?"

I folded my arms and looked at her irritably. "_Ahem_. Aren't you forgetting _Miley's_ order?"

Then the blushing returned. Because I had suddenly realized I had put Miley in front of food for probably the first time in my entire life.

Ohhhh no. I like her. I like Miley Stewart. MORE THAN FOOD, TOO.

I hate my life.

Lilly got her usual, knowing smirk—the one I hate the most, you know? I'm guessing that meant she saw my red cheeks. That or she just loves to torture me. Probably both.

"Oh yes, Rico. A strawberry smoothie for Ollie's giiiirlfriend here. Now, your order, Oliver?"

I died so I couldn't really respond properly.

"Oliver's girlfriend?" Rico spat angrily. "You can't possibly be her new boyfriend I hear she has?!"

As "flattering" as that was, I had to disagree.

"No, that's Kyle Gardner," it was more of a growl than a simple statement. "_Don't_ listen to Lilly. I think Miley's right, though… a strawberry smoothie _would_ calm the nerves… so make that _two_ strawberry smoothies."

Rico immediately, although it still amazes me how quick it was, placed two strawberry smoothies onto the countertop. I grabbed mine with a smile, pretending to bring the straw to my lips, when I abruptly reached out to dump its contents on to the top of Rico's head.

Lilly laughed her laugh off, if that makes any sense. It doesn't, but you know.

"WHAT DID YOU _DO?!_" Rico yelled, wincing as the smoothie rolled off the dark brown locks of his hair.

"Calmed my nerves," I responded, still smiling from ear to ear.

Rico ran to the back of the shop at that, seeming to be sobbing or whatever. I shrugged because I really didn't care, and faithfully took Miley's smoothie into my hands.

However, Lilly's ice cream had yet to be prepared, so I remained where I was and leaned my elbows up against the counter behind me, waiting for Jackson to appear since Rico obviously wouldn't be making us ice cream any time soon. Lilly mirrored my movement exactly… except for the fact that _my_ eyes immediately drifted off to Miley tanning on the beach.

"You really can't keep your eyes off her, can you?"

Have I mentioned that I _hate_ Lilly Truscott?

"Yes I can!" I snapped my attention to somewhere besides Miley to prove it—the sky. However, out of the corner of my eye, I watched a boy walk by where Miley was sitting. He lifted his sunglasses, peering over her suggestively before grinning and walking away.

"Really?" I heard Lilly ask from beside me. "Whatcha looking at now?"

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT NO GOOD PIECE OF—URGHH!"

I had taken a march forward but I was jerked backward from the shirt collar around my neck.

"Hold it there, Romeo. He's not worth it."

"But, but I wasn't going after anyone! I was talking about that…" I scanned the sand around me. "That crab! Right there! He's a troublemaker!"

"Because you're such an animal murderer. Mhm, right. _Whatever_," Lilly said, and I didn't need to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes again. "Speaking of animals, whatcha planning to do about Crocodile Kyle?"

I shuffled my feet around in the sand. Lilly eyed my movement curiously.

"…Nothing."

"Yeah, right. You'll probably show up at their date at the movies Friday night and try to sabotage it by shoving nacho cheese in his hair or something," she kidded and laughed.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." I faked an uneasy laugh. Because honestly, I wasn't planning that at all…

* * *

In the movie theatre on Friday night, I found myself violently shoving nacho chips one by one into my mouth. I was sitting at the upper level of the theatre seats, glaring down below as Kyle and Miley flirted it up.

I hunched lower into my seat in irritation. _What does he have that I don't? Well, besides being a pretty boy… I can be a pretty boy! I'm pretty! I'm BEAUTIFUL!_

"Come here often?" a familiar voice to my left joked.

I spun, startled. "Lilly?! What are you doing here?"

She plopped herself down in the chair next to me. "I figured you could use some backup," she said simply, inviting herself to my nachos. I pulled them away in repulsion, and she glared at me. "Hey! You can't expect me to work on an empty stomach!"

"For your information, Lilly, I'm here to see this _movie_!"

She lowered her head, looking at me doubtfully. "Right. Because you've just been _dying_ to see _'Of Love and Despair'_ since you saw the previews," she remarked sarcastically. "I should've known."

Her hand reached across me to make another grab for the nachos, and I shoved it away.

"_Of Love and Despair_ is supposed to be a good movie!"

"Yeah, for dates maybe. Where's yours?" she poked me in the stomach. "Don't tell me you're hiding her in there. Although that wouldn't surprise me… Poor girl. She's gonna have an interesting trip home in the sewer, if you know what I mean…"

My glare hardened. "Lilly, just go home."

"No. I paid money for this." Yet again, her hand went for my nachos.

"And I paid money for _those_!"

"Whatever. Hey! Look! Kyle's kissing Miley!"

I stood up to lean over the balcony in distress. "Where?!" But then I saw they weren't kissing at all. She just had his head on his shoulder. "Lilly, they're _not_ kissing, she—"

I was cut off at the sight of Lilly smiling cheesily (no pun intended) as she threw a nacho chip into her mouth.

"LILLY!"

She brought the container closer to her chest; a rather large arrogant smile stretched across her cheeks. "_Seeeee_, you're really here because you just couldn't help but spy on your little Smiley Miley. Just admit it, and you can have the nachos back."

"Those are not'cho' nachos!" I yelled at her.

"SHH! The movie's starting!" someone from behind us hissed, startling me. But indeed they were right; the lights even began to dim to signal it.

I tried to snatch a chip back from Lilly anyways, but she pulled it away from my grasp.

"Admit it," she commanded.

"Fine!" I whispered loudly. "Just gimme! You torture enough of my body parts—my stomach doesn't need it, too!"

She tossed them back to me, looking quite annoyingly pleased with herself, and whispered back, "So, what's the plan?"

I hungrily shoved a chip down my throat. "Uh, plan?"

"To make this the worst date Miley's ever been on, duh," she answered like date sabotage was a completely natural thought.

I looked over the balcony suspiciously. Miley and Kyle seemed to be whispering stuff to each other back and forth… and smiling…

"Well, I was thinking about killing him," I said with a shrug. "But all I got for ammo are nachos."

Lilly looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "Hey, do you still have that slime from Monday?"

I fidgeted, causing me to trip over my words. "What, what, what makes you think I would actually carry that around with me?"

Her face bore a skeptical expression, and she held out a hand. "Oh, c'mon, hand it over."

"I don't have it!" I persisted, sinking more into my seat.

"Oliver…" she growled. "I _know_ you have some of it in your pockets. You've been carrying it with you since you guys made it. And I saw you looking at it earlier, so I _know_ you have it with you… not sure why, and don't really wanna _know_ why since it's bound to have something to do with the fact that you and Miley created it together, like its you guys' child or something…"

I felt my face burn at these words, but I reluctantly dug into my khaki shorts anyways, slowly pulling out the green slime. She smirked in triumph, which ticked me off, so I tossed it into her face, and successfully, it stuck there.

"Happy?" I asked, feigning the idea that I actually cared.

I heard another growl rumbling from her throat, and she pried the substance off her face. "I hate you… but at least I know it's still sticky. Kyle will find that out here shortly—"

She stood up. Alarmed, I grabbed her arm and pulled her back down to her seat.

"What are you gonna do?!" I whisper-yelled.

She looked down at me with an expression of obvious annoyance. "I'm going to mesh it into his hair, duh." Her eyes darted towards my nachos, and she grabbed them before I could even blink and stood up. "And these babies, too!"

I was horrified. "That's a waste of good cheese! And slime!" I argued. "How is that gonna ruin her date exactly?"

"SHH!" someone yelled at us again. With her hands on her lips, Lilly turned herself to glare at the rows of seats.

"You SHH!" she replied snottily, and a bag of popcorn flew towards her head. Her eyes widened, and she crouched herself lower in the nick of the time, sending the bag over the balcony. We watched it drop on a man's head below, and then ducked before he could look up.

"Ugh. Thanks a lot! You almost killed us!" Lilly told me with her meanest face.

I gaped at her and exclaimed, "Me?! You're the one who screamed, '_SHH!!'_"

Instantly another bag of popcorn came flying towards us, and we ducked again.

"Not that time," Lilly told me carelessly, before grabbing my hand without permission, beginning to pull me away. "Here, just… just come with me, Oliver."

"But, but, but I'm gonna miss the preeevieeews!" I complained as I was tugged away out of the theatre like a barrel of luggage.

"Who cares!" she snapped. "We have crocodile hunting to do."

* * *

I couldn't _believe_ what Lilly made me do. To put it into two words—it was absolutely terrible. We decided to ditch the slime and nacho idea… basically because we're both idiots and didn't realize that in order to get it into Kyle's hair, we'd have to smother it in with our hands, which takes more than a second… so… therefore, Miley would _definitely_ see us doing that. Along with Kyle. But whatever, I was just happy to get my nachos and my slime back.

So, Plan B came into motion. Lilly forced me (like, by taking my nachos _again_) to run home and get my whoopee cushion.

Yeah, I said _whoopee cushion_.

The plan was that as soon as Kyle left his seat to get more soda, I would plant the bomb onto the cushion of his chair. And he _would_ be getting up to get more soda because Lilly's part of the plan was to somehow, _secretly_, get a hold of his drink and pour it all out, so that in order to get more, he'd have to leave.

She told me she'd do this when "Miley and Kyle get lost in each other's eyes," which I could've gone without hearing, but again, _whatever_.

So I was sitting there behind a garbage can, watching in amusement as Lilly crawled into the row behind Miley and Kyle. People were looking at her oddly, as I suspected. If anyone would ask, Lilly was supposed to say something like, "Lost my contact here earlier, sorry!"

Eventually she arrived directly behind the two. I rose a little higher in my feet to inspect her actions. Casually, she began to stand up. I don't know how either of them didn't notice Lilly standing right there behind Kyle's head, but whatever, they weren't. She brought her hand between their seats and took a hold of the soda, lifting it slowly towards her chest.

I blinked. It was really weird how no one else but me was noticing this.

Then, to my surprise, she darted with it. Like, _ran_. And the plan was for her to spill it! _Not steal it! What?!_

I was really panicky when she approached the garbage can and threw it in. If she was changing the plan already—

"Lilly," I growled quietly at her. "What are you _doing?!_"

"Well, ya donut, do you really think I'm gonna just dump the stupid soda out in the middle of the theatre?!" she answered angrily, yet in the same soft tone. "Now I'm gonna head over to the opposite side of the theatre. I'll give you the signal when I see Kyle leaving."

"Okay, and what's the signal?"

She started leaving before she replied. "You'll know it when you see it."

I stared frustratingly after her and sighed to myself. Three minutes passed, and I grew bored so I pried a hand into one of my pockets and brought out my green slime. I carefully molded it into a perfect green heart, grinning stupidly to myself.

It was a whole five minutes later when I heard a sound so loud and obnoxious that I was pretty positive that it had to have been made by an elephant.

"_ACHOOOOO!"_

A couple of people seemed startled, and that definitely included me. Everyone began looking around his or her seats, hoping to find the cause of the noise. I, however, only fidgeted. I had to try my best to stay hidden behind the garbage can.

_"ACHOOOOO!"_

There it was again, only louder.

I stayed put, not quite sure what was going on, until about a minute later, Lilly appeared at the garbage can before me again, looking quite annoyed… which is kind of normal because I can't remember the last time she's really had a different expression when she's looking at me.

"_That's_ the signal, idiot!" she said and threw the container of nachos at my head.

I have such great friends.

So, anyways, like we had planned, I began to sneak my way into the row behind the one where Miley now sat alone, just like Lilly had done earlier. The contact excuse was going to go for me, too, if anyone asked… which I'm sure they would since I don't think it's normal for boys to go around sneaking under seats.

As I crawled throughout the chairs, I accidentally and blindly bumped into a girl's bare leg. I had practically rammed my nose into her, and I looked up apologetically to meet a redhead's curious gaze. However, instead of looking away, she decided to…

_Scream_.

"PERVERT!"

I threw my hands up, just as horrified as she was. "NO! No! Shh! I'm looking for my contact! I swear!"

"HELP! HELP!" she cried, and a bunch of people starting turning their attentions towards us instead of the movie to see what was upsetting her so much.

"SECURITY!"

_Why hadn't this happened when Lilly did this?!_ I thought with my heart beating wildly out of fright._ Why does this kind of stuff only happen to me?!_

I stood up and ran towards the exit of the movie theatre, but blindly once more, I was unfortunately met with two tall men in black suits at the door. _Crap. Crap. Crap._

And that was when I heard a confused, feminine voice from behind me.

"_Oliver?_ What are you doing he—_whoopee cushion_?"

_Oh, no. Miley's seen me. It's over. It's over. Where's Lilly?!_ my mind shouted.

I don't remember how, but in whatever way I did, I managed to rush past security and out of the theatre. I think it had something to do with my adrenaline or maybe those killer nachos. Anyways, I didn't stop running until I reached the park about two blocks away. I spotted some bushes immediately and dove headfirst behind them, hastily whipping out my cell phone from my pocket as I did so.

It was covered in green slime.

"Ewww," I said to myself in disgust and picked some of it off my screen. Shaking my head from the distraction, I immediately pressed speed dial number two—Lilly.

She didn't answer the first twelve times I tried. She was going to have one heck of a Missed Calls list; that was for sure. She'd also probably puke when she saw it was only me, her least favorite person maybe ever.

The thirteenth time I called, however, was different, but it was still forever before she answered. Four entire rings.

"Oliver?"

"LILLY!" for once in my life, I was happy to hear her voice. "I FAILED!"

"What? Where are you? Apparently there's some pervert on the loose in the movie theatre or something—"

"THAT WAS ME!" I interrupted in a rush.

"_You're the pervert?!_"

"No, no, I was trying to do the whoopee cushion thing and brushed up against some girl's leg and then she went all psycho and crazy redhead on me!"

There was silence on the line for a moment, and then a sigh. "You should never, I repeat, _never,_ work for the CIA. But yeah. I spoke to Miley."

My heart stopped, just remembering she had seen me. "Y-You did?! Does she know what we were up to?"

"Don't think so. She said she saw you with a whoopee cushion, though, and I covered for you and said you were trying to play a joke on me since you knew I was there 'watching the movie'."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew. The last thing I would want her to know is that I was trying to ruin her date with Kyle."

"_What?!_"

I froze. That wasn't Lilly's angry voice I had just heard, but it was familiar all the same. I slowly and frightfully lifted my eyes upward, and there, standing in front of me, hands on her hips, was Miley Stewart.

* * *

**Uh oh SPAGHETTI-O'S! I left you with some sort of a cliffhanger methinks. How is Oliver gonna get himself out of this one? :)**

**Reviews reviews reviewwws make me happy!**

**Until next time! :)**


	9. Friend Behavior Issues

**Sucky chapter name, I know, but I couldn't think of anything original. But woo! It's Tuesday, and as promised, my next update! Yeah boyyeee! Haha.**

**Enjoy the Moliver love. ;) **

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Nine: Friend Behavior Issues (Miley)

* * *

Kyle draped his arm around my shoulders as we exited the theatre. I wasn't completely sure why this didn't give me the normal butterflies I was used to feeling around him, but I think… weirdly enough… it had something to do with, well, Oliver.

He had shown up randomly in the middle of my movie with Kyle, which was ridiculously boring anyway, so seeing him there kind of, I don't know, excited me a little bit? Even though he was almost taken away by security, I just had to smile at the sight of him. Trust me to decide to be all weirdly smiley like that.

And then Lilly had popped up next to me, looking flushed and out of breath. I was alarmed when the first thing that ran through my mind was that she was there in the theatre with Oliver, when he's supposedly in love with _me_…

And her red face suggested something she might've been doing in the theatre with him…

… And it… I don't know… _bugged_ me? _A lot_?

But she gave me a rushed explanation that they were only there playing pranks on each other, normal Lilly and Oliver behavior, so that relieved me… for some reason.

After Lilly left, Kyle suggested that maybe we should just ditch the movie all together and go on a walk through the park. I smiled gratefully up at him. A walk in the park would take away my confusion for the time being.

So as we walked towards the park in the lighted areas of streetlights, Kyle pulled me in closer with one of his strong arms. My reaction to this was completely abnormal; I didn't feel comfortable all of a sudden.

Kyle seemed to notice me stiffen. "You all right?" he asked. "Cold?"

Maybe that was it. It was a little chilly outside, so I nodded with a smile, and I was pressed even more tightly to him, which I found to be not what I wanted at all. _What's wrong with me? He's my boyfriend!  
_  
I was more than relieved to reach the park. I figured we could swing on the swings, or just have some stupid fun together, but as soon as we got there, Kyle had other ideas. He immediately sat us down at one of the benches. I looked at him, confused.

"I don't think I've told you tonight how pretty you look."

His charming smile made the butterflies return. But something didn't seem right about them this time.

"Thanks," I muttered quietly, realizing his face had been closing in on my own. _He was going to kiss me._

Normally, I'd go right in, but… I didn't _want to_ for some reason. I honestly _didn't want to_, and there was absolutely _nothing_ wrong with this boy.

He opened his eyes when he saw me not responding appropriately. "Is there something wrong?"

I blushed.

_Yes. I don't want to kiss you, and you're, like, pointblank gorgeous. Something is very wrong._

"Er, no. Not at all."

He smirked at me. "You sure?"

"Um, sure?"

Despite how _un_sure I actually sounded, Kyle re-closed his eyes to prepare to kiss me again. I still didn't lean in, but Kyle didn't seem to care this time. He went all the way to my lips, pressing his warm ones against them.

Oddly enough, the image of Oliver emerged in my mind as this happened, and I turned an even deeper shade of red.

I think Kyle was more surprised than I was when I didn't kiss back.

He pulled away, staring at me, and something flashed in his eyes I couldn't identify. "Miley, tell me what's wrong," he commanded.

"I already told you, nothing."

I felt really bad all of a sudden because Kyle looked pretty upset after I said that. I really didn't know why I didn't kiss back. Somehow, Oliver had stopped me. And he wasn't even there.

"You like someone else," Kyle said flatly.

I shook my head quickly, both to answer his question and to rid the reappearing image of Oliver's face from my mind. "No I don't!"

He frowned. "I'm not blind, Miley. I can see it in your eyes when you look at him."

_Look at who?!_ My mind had wondered.

But my mouth, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly whom he was talking about, because I suddenly found myself blurting out, "Oliver?"

Yeah, _Oliver_. What is _wrong_ with me?!_  
_  
Kyle nodded gravely, and I just sat there on the bench in shock at what I had just said. I didn't look at Oliver in any different kind of way… oh crap, did I?

"Oliver's only a friend, Kyle," I said swiftly. "He's a donut."

The word seemed to amuse Kyle a little bit; I could see a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Listen, Miley, right now, sure, you guys are 'only friends'," his words were joined with finger quotes. "But, even if you don't realize it yet, you both… I don't know, have something I envy. You have this… smile you only have for him. I don't ever get that smile no matter how often I try."

The words sunk into me more than they should have. I tried my best to hide it; I didn't like where this conversation was going at all.

"Kyle, I smile for you, too," I whined.

He grinned a little. "Yeah, the same smile you have saved for everyone else. You should've seen yourself back there in the theatre when he showed up. I had been trying to convince myself that maybe I was imagining things, but when that giant smile crept onto your face… I just knew it was over."

"Over?" I choked, wanting to cry.

"Miley, okay… I really like you. So much. And I know you may think you like me back, somewhere in there." He gestured to my chest, and I blushed, and then he suddenly did, too. "Er, well, you know what I meant. But it would be dumb of me to stay with you when I'm only waiting for the day you'll realize who you really care about."

I started bawling on the spot. How was it that he thought he could tell me what I was feeling? He didn't have a _clue!_ I didn't like Oliver! So why was he trying to force feed that into me?!

"But I like you, Kyle, please," I was pathetically begging; now wishing I had kissed him back so this might not have ruined my entire night. Oliver was messing everything up! And yet again, he wasn't even THERE!

Kyle lifted a hand and brushed away a tear. "I like you, too, Miley, you're a great, funny, and smart girl, but I just think we'd be better off as friends."

I couldn't even speak I was so upset. With a kiss on my wet cheek, he stood up. "I'll drive you home. Wait here, the car's just down the street, I'll pull it up so you don't have to walk."

He walked away from me, and I hugged myself, now alone, not to mention a freezing emotional _wreck_, on the park bench. This _wasn't _supposed to be how the date went. I didn't like Oliver! Just because he might be in love with me, didn't make me start realizing anything special about him! I mean, c'mon, all these things I've known before—I've _always_ noticed his decent sized arm muscles, that his jokes are actually sometimes _funny_, and that _adorable_ smile…

Wait… Muscles? _Funny_ jokes? _Adorable_ smile?

The thoughts confused me. The tears stopped pouring down my face and I sniffled, lifting my head to try and comprehend what was racing through my mind at the moment. _Did _I like Oliver that way?

My thoughts became interrupted at a nearby voice. I at first thought it might be Kyle, but then… it became a lot more familiar.

"… and brushed up against some girl's leg and then she went all psycho and crazy redhead on me!" the male voice was saying loudly across the park.

I got up from my seat on the bench and curiously began to walk over to the bush where I had heard the sound coming from.

"You did?!" he exclaimed. I faltered a little in my steps. I recognized _that_ voice anywhere. "Does she know what we were up to?"

After a few more seconds, I casually leaned over the bush, and saw _him_, the boy I had just been thinking about, sitting there, back turned towards me. I opened my mouth to say something, when unknown to him, I was interrupted.

"Phew. The last thing I would want her to know is that we were trying to ruin her date with Kyle."

The words caught me entirely off guard. I felt all thoughts of liking Oliver as more than a friend leave me, and now I was just plain angry for thinking that I might have actually considered liking such a… such a jerk!

"_What?!_" I hissed at him.

Oliver twitched at my voice but did not turn around. His head leaned backward, and his eyes took me in.

"M-Miley?" he asked tentatively.

I didn't know whether to cry some more or yell. I was already really upset, and what I had just heard made my brain hurt even more, so without warning, I felt more tears roll down my cheek.

"No, it's the Easter Bunny," I remarked sarcastically, glaring. I was so, so, _so_ angry, but I couldn't help but cry at the same time.

He got to his feet in less than a second and stepped forward to try and hug me. I stepped backward, and confusion swept over his face. "Miley, what's wrong?"

"Oh, n-nothing," I said as the tears continued falling. "Let's just say that my boyfriend just broke up with me, and I've just discovered my two best friends are backstabbers! Congratulations, you can tell Lilly on the phone there that you guys succeeded! I'm now single! Not that I know why you guys would do this. Kyle never did anything wrong. Nothing! He was, he was a good guy!"

It wasn't until the last sentence that realized I had collapsed on the ground to my knees in absolute hysterics.

I didn't throw Oliver off of me this time when he put his arms around me. I was really mad at him, but a hug was a hug, and I definitely needed one.

"Miley, shh," Oliver whispered, stroking my hair. "No, no, Kyle really is a great guy… I… just… I didn't trust him. I just hate seeing you get hurt."

"Well, good job, genius, I'm still hurt!" I sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Miles. I really am. Why did he break up with you anyways?" I must've missed the sudden change of tone from comforting to irritated. "Lilly and I didn't even succeed. I didn't get to plant the whoopee cushion. He can't be too great if he dumped you just like that."

I didn't want to say the real reason why Kyle had dumped me, and even though Oliver is one of my best friends, I was angry with him, so I decided to be a bad person and lie about it.

"He says that it's hard to date a sophomore when he's a senior. And he'd just hurt me more later if we kept up with this. He didn't think it'd be so hard…"

I heard Oliver scoff. "That's a dumb reason," he said, sounding angry. "Did he just leave you here or what?"

His answer didn't come from me, but from another certain boy, a little ways away.

"Er, no, I actually didn't…"

I lifted my head from Oliver's arms to see Kyle standing next to us and his car parked alongside the curb.

I realized then how horrible this must've looked. Kyle had just accused me of having feelings for the person who was now holding me. _Great. _Just_ beautiful_.

Kyle's sad look returned, and I noticed that Oliver was just downright _glaring_ at him, totally not feeling any sympathy for the boy who had pretty much just ended my world. Not that Oliver would understand why Kyle looked so sad…

"I was gonna take her home," Kyle said to him.

"Well, not anymore, I got this taken care of, okay?"

The hostility in Oliver's voice… I was not used to that. He was actually _really_ angry with Kyle. Oliver was not an angry person.

Kyle shuffled the keys awkwardly in his hands. "Okay then… um, Miley, I'm really sorry."

I tried to say something, but Oliver beat me to it with a gruff, "_Just leave_."

Kyle nodded, looking at me sincerely one last time before walking over to his car and eventually driving away.

"He's an idiot," Oliver stated once my ex-boyfriend left. "For breaking your heart, I should break his… pinky fingers."

For some reason, I found myself giggling slightly at that, despite how sad I felt.

"_Oliverrr_, don't make me _laaaugh_."

Oliver put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back gently to look at my crying face oddly. "Laugh? I'm… _funny?_ _You _actually think I'm _funny?_" The eager look in his eyes was so amusing that smiling was just too hard _not_ to do.

"Y-yeah." I hadn't noticed until just that stuttering moment that I hadn't been breathing properly from hyperventilating so hard earlier.

"That's awesome!" he squeaked, then his face reddened. "Er, I mean, yeah… that's… _cool_."

I wiped away a tear, smiling at him fondly. "Um… I just want to say… thanks."

"Thanks? For what? Trying to destroy your love life? Because that really doesn't deserve a thanks—"

"No, it's okay, really, Oliver," I said, stopping him from continuing any further. "Do you wanna know why he _really_ broke up with me?"

The confusion on his face transformed into fury. "He cheated on you, didn't he!"

"Um… No."

"Oh, then… carry on."

I smiled again. I halfway wondered if it was the smile Kyle had referred to earlier. "Well, he said he thought that maybe I… had feelings for you."

I swear I heard crickets chirping, it got so silent.

Oliver seemed to be searching my face for something for a long time before he finally spoke.

"…Do you?" his voice was velvet soft.

"No!" I replied loudly and way too quickly to even be classified as the truth. And that worried me. I didn't want him to actually think I _did_… when I _don't_… right?

The look on Oliver's face was almost an exact replica of the one Kyle had when I hadn't kissed him back. You could tell he was trying to act relieved, but the smile on his face was completely forced.

I felt guilt seeping into me. I had completely forgotten the fact that Oliver's supposedly in love with me. Beautiful.

"That's… good," he said lamely and without any emotion.

"Yeah," I remarked just as emotionless. We sat there on our knees for a few more seconds, both of us looking away, avoiding all eye contact.

So very awkward.

"I better get you home," Oliver suddenly announced. His expression bore one hundred percent seriousness, an expression I didn't like to see on the face of someone so usually light-hearted. I'm so terrible… just because _I'm_ heartbroken… I shouldn't be breaking _his_ heart… not that I want to. Er, wait, _what?_

He helped to raise me from the ground, where I found my legs were very wobbly when I tried to stand up straight. So basically, I ended up stumbling into him, our cheeks awkwardly touching, and he muttered something I couldn't understand before wrapping an arm around my waist to give me balance.

I blushed. When did things get so weird between us?

Oliver directed me to his car, which was parked about four blocks away. The walk there was almost complete silence, until around the end of the third block, when Oliver started smiling widely out of nowhere.

"What?" I asked him, glad that at least he was smiling now rather than frowning.

"Just thinking about planting the whoopee cushion in Kyle's chair and what _loud_ embarrassment I would've caused him."

I hit him playfully. "Oliver!"

He grinned innocently. "Whaaat? It would've been hilarious. You gotta admit it."

"Yeah, 'cause passing gas is right up there on top of the funny list."

He shrugged. "Hey, I'm a guy. Gas is the definition of hilarious."

I laughed, subconsciously realizing I was now walking closer to him. I think Oliver noticed, too, because his eyes began watching my side… but he didn't seem to mind what I was doing. Instead, the grin on his face seemed to grow.

On the way home, I realized I was having a hard time trying to be upset over Kyle. Oliver and I had finally stopped our little awkwardness, thank goodness, and we both laughed as one of my Hannah songs blasted onto the radio.

In an overly high-pitched voice, Oliver sang along with it.

"NOBODY'S PERFECT! I GOTTA WORK IT!" he screeched.

I could barely breathe, I was laughing so hard. Even as he drove, he managed to do lame dance moves and sing to the song. It was so entertaining that I had almost forgot I had been dumped just fifteen minutes earlier.

We eventually arrived at my driveway, and Oliver twisted the knob on the radio to silence the music. And… then it got awkward again. Greeeat, right? I was so uncomfortable with the fact that neither of us were saying anything that I just kinda, well, got out of the car.

"You have a good night's sleep," he told me with a gentle smile as I did this.

I suddenly felt shy. Like I had just gotten home from a date with _Oliver_, not Kyle. And… I was _smiling_ about it. Like a date with Oliver wouldn't be a bad thing at all. Like I hadn't just lost a totally great boyfriend or anything. Maybe the movie popcorn was drugged or something.

"You too, Oliver," I said, shutting the car door slowly, kind of wishing that the night didn't have to end. I was sure to be crying as soon as I hit my bedroom, because without Oliver as a distraction, I would be sad again…

"Wait," Oliver suddenly jumped outside of his car, and I looked at him, puzzled. "Let me walk you to your door."

My heart skipped a beat. "You don't have to do that, Oliver—"

"Too bad."

It seemed like Oliver had grown braver, and he impatiently grabbed my hand to walk me to my front door. My body was limp and unsuspecting at the time, so his actions dragged me really close to his chest again.

And I realized he smelt good… and not just good… but _really_ good.

I tried to ignore the blush warming my cheeks as he continued to walk me to my door, our hands still entwined. It was confusing how he was acting like holding my hand was a normal thing. But then again… Lilly _had_ said he was in love with me…

"Cologne? You wear cologne?" I questioned aloud in disbelief.

"I always have, Miley," he replied, a somewhat of an arrogant smile tracing his lips.

_Then how come I hadn't noticed until now?_ I wondered.

"You likey?" he continued, wiggling his eyebrows at me… like… almost… _flirtatiously_. I swear. Oliver was flirting with me?!

"Um," my mouth got dry a little, probably from shock. "I… 'likey'."

What the?! I didn't mean to say it! But at least I wasn't lying; he does smell pretty—oh my God. What is going on?! I'm having friend behavior issues!

"Good," he grinned wider as we came to my house's entrance. He had let go of my hand immediately as soon as we walked onto the porch. And my happiness like, disappeared or something… 'cause it made me feel sad again.

"Oh no, you're not gonna cry again, are you!?" Oliver asked in concern, and I realized I must've been frowning pretty obviously at the removal of his hand.

"No!" I shouted, face burning. "No, I'm fine. But, thanks for walking me to my door. I, er, I have to get inside now. I can't miss the… golfing… match."

I couldn't believe what I had just said, and judging by Oliver's expression, neither had he.

"NIGHT OLIVER!" I yelled (oh my God, I'm an idiot) and practically vanished inside, leaving him out there.

I think I probably ran to my window in my room faster than Michael Phelps can swim, and then caught him still standing there on my front porch. What? He looked like he was debating something, and he raised a fist to knock again, and then stopped, sighing.

_Oh no, you better not come in, mister, _I thought. _I'm in too weird of a condition right now._

I watched him curiously, hoping he'd just turn around and leave. Very suddenly his gaze went right to mine, and I ducked immediately. _Great_, he'd seen me looking at him. And I was supposed to be watching a golfing match… at _night_… where it didn't make sense at all… killllll meeee….

I let thirty seconds pass before I cautiously raised myself back to the window and breathed a sigh of relief. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Mind if I watch golfing with you?"

His voice made me jump a mile. How Oliver had gotten in so quickly startled me, but I had no time to think about it for he was then standing in the doorframe of my room, smiling sincerely at me.

I felt like throwing up my heart if that makes any sense. And my knees went wobbly again. And not cause I was upset. This was a weird, weird feeling.

"Um, not at all," I answered him unsurely.

My TV was not on, so in a state of panic and embarrassment, I reached for the remote and pressed 'power'. I prayed that some golfing re-run match was on somewhere.

Luckily, Tiger Woods appeared on the screen, and I stopped my channel flipping, nervously watching as Oliver settled himself comfortably on my bed, where I hesitantly sat myself down next to him.

We barely said a word to each other for the rest of the evening, but somehow, despite every bad thing that had happened, I somehow thought it was one of the best nights of my entire life.

* * *

**YAAAAAAAY! I hope you liked the fluff I included here. It was cute to write. Tehehe. Anyways, review! Only four more chapters left! **

**And don't you DARE think for a second I've forgotten about the TeenzWeek tabloid… it'll come into play… just you wait and see. ;)**


	10. The Morning Of

**It's Tuesday. So, of course, I'm updating! Yay updating!**

**I also started a new fic two days ago as an experiment… and I kind of like it so far. It'd, of course, be a Moliver, but with the added bonus of Lackson. But as of right now, I can't say for sure I'll end up posting it. 'Cause it's a kind of story that needs a lot of planning out to end up working out the way I want it to… and that's all I'll say about that. Haha.**

**Oh, oh, oh! I advise you—_there are two things in this chapter that may seem random, or just really small and pointless, but…they come into play later_. So keep your eyes peeled like a banana! Hehe. I'm lame. Sorry. But really. Just... pay attention... hehe.**

**

* * *

**

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Ten: The Morning Of (Lilly)

* * *

Ah, Saturday. Such a beautiful day.

A beautiful day for a kissing booth.

I grinned eagerly to myself as I skateboarded my way over to the Stewart's. It was about nine 'o' clock in the morning, an hour earlier than when I usually arrived, but I was just too excited about the day's events to bare it any longer. I had tried calling Oliver to tell him the details of our Kissing Booth plan, but for some reason, his phone was off.

Not a biggy. I'd try later.

As I got closer to Miley's, I flipped open my cell phone and speed-dialed her house number. After a few rings, someone's groggy morning voice broke through, "Hello?"

I smiled brightly. "Hey Jackson!"

Unfortunately, I don't think he was smiling like me because I was greeted back with a dazed, un-delighted, "Hi Lilly. What do you want?"

"Lilly in ten!" I announced cheerily, and I heard him mutter inaudibly then yell something to Miley in the background.

When I arrived in her driveway, it struck me as odd that Oliver's car was parked alongside the curb. Why was he here so early? He usually slept in until at least twelve on the weekends…

Then I smiled some more. He was over here early. The donut had it _bad._

The door was swung open for me, as expected, so I easily skated on through. Aaaand let me just tell you, the smell of pancakes that met my nose, was absolutely incredible. And there behind the counter stood Mr. Stewart, effortlessly flipping them on to their other sides.

"Mornin', Lilly!" he said joyfully.

"Mornin', Mr. S!" I said with a salute and removed my helmet. I looked around the room, noticing that neither Miley or Oliver was around. That was strange. All I saw was Jackson sitting on the couch, tiredly flipping through the channels of the TV.

"Morning Jackson!"

He looked at me for a very brief moment. "Lilly." Then nodded.

"Whatsa matter?"

He shrugged. "I'm being dragged to the Kissing Booth thing today. To watch my sister kiss boys. I can't tell you _how much_ I wanted to give up my Saturday for this." He grumbled a little. "I wanted to go to the movies."

Well, that was more information than Jackson usually ever gave me… probably the most conversation we'd ever had, too.

"I'm sorry," I said distractedly as my eyes shifted around the room.

Mr. Stewart must've read my mind, for he suddenly announced, "Miles isn't up yet. Feel free to wake her, though, she's got a busy day ahead of her."

I scratched my head, confused. If Miley wasn't up, where was Oliver?

_Maybe he was on his way somewhere, and had to go really bad, and used it as an excuse to come over here, and he's in their bathroom_, I thought as I climbed the stairs to Miley's room.

I knocked first, but nobody replied. Oookay. Sleeping beauty.

So, like I normally do if she sleeps in later than usual, I casually swung the door open. "Miley, wakey wake—WHAT?"

I almost swallowed my tongue at the scene before me. Miley was asleep, of course, but she had her arms draped over… another _person_.

This person being Oliver.

They were both lying on their backs, but their legs still hung over the side of the bed, as if they had been watching TV before they had dozed off. Oliver seemed to be stretched out pretty comfortably, and Miley's head rested just below his chin, a soft smile on her face… And they were both still wearing their clothes from last night.

Ummmmmmmmm.

I panicked and closed the door behind me immediately. I _highly_ doubt Mr. Stewart knew about this. I didn't know what else to do but to rush over to my best friends and start shaking them.

"GUYS! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" I yelled.

Oliver was the first to respond. "Mooom, it's Saturday…" he mumbled with his eyes still closed, turning over to face Miley. "Lemme sleep…"

"NO SLEEP! Wake up, donuthead!" I slammed a pillow on top of his face, and he yelped and jumped up, knocking Miley over in the process. She somehow remained asleep?

"Lilly! What are you doing in my room!" Oliver exclaimed with an angry face. I tried not to laugh at his messy bedhead.

"You're not in _your_ room, Oliver, you're in _Miley's_ room," I explained.

He looked around, and his tired eyes grew larger. "Oh no. I must've fallen asleep here last night. Ohhhh no… Mom's gonna kill me…"

"Not to mention Miley's dad. What happened last night exactly?" I asked suspiciously.

He waved his arms around in a frantic manner. "Nothing! Honestly. I just drove Miley home and—"

What he had said was really confusing. It didn't make sense at all, so I had to interject.

"Wasn't she on her date with Crocodile Kyle, though?"

"Can you guys shut up and let me sleep?" Miley suddenly murmured with her face stuffed into another pillow.

Oliver grabbed her arm and shook it urgently. "Miles, you gotta wake up."

"Nooo," she moaned. "Five more minutes."

"WATER BUCKET!" I yelled, and she turned her head to finally face me at once with a fearful expression, and I withheld a gasp. Her face was almost all black with mascara and make-up stains, and her brown hair was tangled and frizzy. Had she been… _crying_ last night? What the heck was going on?

"What do you _want?_" she growled. Geez, she was scary in the morning sometimes.

"Me and you fell asleep watching golf last night," Oliver said to her, and she instantly bolted upright, looking afraid.

"Golf?" I repeated with a few puzzled blinks. "Miley, you hate golf, you said it was the most boring thing since—"

"Does my dad know?" she interrupted.

I shrugged. "Probably, since the last time he tried to watch it, you pretended to hang yourself."

"NO! Not about golf! I mean about…" she looked over at Oliver. "_This_." He made a face at her word choice.

I glanced at the door. "Oh. Don't think so… he's making pancakes. And whistling Camptown Races."

"Greeeeat," Miley muttered, standing up from her bed and dusting herself off.

Oliver did not catch her sarcasm, however, and suddenly perked up with a giant smile. "I'll say! Your dad's pancakes are, like, heaven with syrup!"

Miley and I only looked at each other, then back at him. "You're not going anywhere, big boy," I told him.

"And why not?!"

"Oliver," Miley walked closer to him, and I smirked as I saw some pink dash his cheeks. "You need to climb out my window and act like you just got here, okay?"

"I am n-not!" he stuttered, probably because she was standing so closely to him. "Not when there's delicious pancakes downstairs calling my name!"

"You can still have your stupid pancakes!"

"I am not climbing out your window!" Oliver said to her, obviously kind of outraged.

"Oliver…" she snarled.

"Climbing," he replied fearfully and edged towards the window.

I smirked more. The power she had over him was _amazing_.

As Miley hurriedly brushed her hair and cleaned off her face, oh, _and_ picked out different clothes, I watched amusedly as Oliver struggled with climbing down her window.

"Alright, I can do this," he was saying aloud. "On the count of three. One…two… two and a fourth… two and a half—"

I got so tired of hearing him countdown to the point where he'd jump off that I finally just pushed him out. He fell off screaming.

"Lil_ly_!" he shrieked accusingly at me from the ground.

"You and I both know you weren't going to jump," I replied, peering down at him for a moment just to make sure he wasn't paralyzed or something, and walked back to Miley, who was now applying eyeliner, not looking the least bit phased at the fact I had pushed Oliver out of her window.

"So, mind telling me what happened last night?"

She still faced her mirror as she replied without even the slightest hint of sadness, "Kyle broke up with me."

I was shocked. "What?! Why?"

She shrugged. "I think he was jealous of Oliver or something. Ah well, I'm over it."

"_Over it? _What? I thought you really liked this guy!"

"I _did_," Miley said, now putting away the eyeliner tube and getting out her mascara. "And why are you so upset anyways? You and Oliver tried to ruin our date last night, right?"

The way she said it so casually astounded me. She didn't even sound _mad_.

"Er, yeah, sorry about that…"

She waved a free hand at me. "Don't worry about it. I don't care."

I walked directly behind her, examining her face in our reflections. "Don't _care_? Miley, you should be, like, _bawling_."

"Sorry, do you want me to?"

"Er, no," I said, still very confused at how cheerful she was being. "But how did Oliver end up in your room?"

Her lips curved into a huge smile at this, and I raised an eyebrow curiously as she answered, "I found him in the park when Kyle left to get the car. It was right after he broke up with me. And then I found out what you two were up to…"

I blushed in embarrassment at this.

"Since I was already upset, I started crying more then, and Oliver cheered me up some and offered to give me a ride home. So he did, and then I for some reason said I had to watch golf, which you're right, is _way_ boring, and he wanted to watch it with me, and I guess we fell asleep. Cause golf really is that boring."

"…You sure that's _all_ that happened?" I asked with a grin.

Her cheeks went red, and I knew it wasn't because of the blush she had just put on. "Yeah, that's all…" she looked down, then back up. "But he did hug me."

I laughed. "Oh reallllly? Donut got brave?"

She turned around, one eyebrow up in what looked to be suspicion. "Lilly, do you think Oliver likes me?"

I wasn't sure how to answer the question, even though it should've been obvious. I mean, I really wanted to tell her the truth, but Oliver would _kill_ me. And besides, I wanted him to do it himself.

"Of course he likes you, you're one of his best friends," I evaded.

"No… I mean… like… _like_ like me?"

I shuffled my feet and nervously started laughing. "Um, I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, I was just thinking, and—"

"YOU LIKE HIM?!" I interrupted, mouth hung open.

"NO!" she yelled, and the red in her cheeks seemed to intensify. "Of course not. Why would I like Oliver? He's just a friend. Yeah. Of course. Pshhh. Like I would ever like Oliver… c'mon, Lilly, that's insane…"

But by her tone, I knew she was trying to convince herself more than me.

I was going to press further when Mr. S's voice from downstairs cut me off.

"MILEY, LILLY! OLIVER'S HERE!"

I halfway wanted to yell an, "I KNOW!" but kept it inside. I smiled at Miley, and she blushed. And even though she hadn't admitted to it, I already knew why.

* * *

It was around eleven thirty when we got to the beach.

Almost five and a half hours until the Kissing Booth. Woo-hoo!

I was way more excited now, knowing that the bet was totally going in my favor since I was pretty sure the two idiots liked each other. Oliver, duh, because he'd told me, and Miley… well, she denied it, but now it was too obvious that she did.

While Miley walked up to Rico's to get something to eat, Oliver and I sat ourselves down at a table to share some French fries. I noticed he was engrossed with a couple cutting up a hotdog into bits with a fork, for their child to eat, a few tables away from us.

"You nervous about tonight?" I questioned with a full-on smirk.

He didn't respond, just kept staring at the couple and their kid.

"Oliver," I said loudly, but it didn't do anything. So I slapped his arm, and he turned to look at me frightfully. "Honestly, what are you looking at?"

He blushed. "They have a fork."

"Well, Mil—Forks are…cool."

I stared at him. "_Yeeeeah_, let's pretend this conversation never happened. Anyway, like I asked before, you nervous about tonight?"

"Of course not. I can still win."

"Yeah. And _forks are cool_," I imitated a deep male voice sarcastically, "too, right?"

He didn't hesitate to glare at me. "Shut up. What disguise are we using for me anyways?"

"I've got some wigs."

He shook a French fry at me, looking appalled. "I am _not _wearing one of your dumb neon Lola wigs!"

"You idiot, as if you could pull off mango or aquamarine," I told him fiercely. "I have guy wigs, too… I think one's black, and the other's blonde… And I see you as more of a night than a day. If I let you be blonde, you'd give the stereotypical 'dumb blonde' thing proof."

"Look who's talking," he snorted, and just as I was about to kill him, a young girl, maybe thirteen or so, with short brown hair strode up to our table. She was holding out a magazine in front of her face, and glancing somewhat peculiarly at Oliver…

For about… two minutes.

"Can we help you?" I asked and stuffed a French fry into my mouth, irritated that she was just standing there not talking.

"Um, sorry, I just noticed that your boyfriend here looks a lot like Hannah Montana's friend, Mike," she stated, pointing to the front page of TeenzWeek Magazine. "It's crazy."

I choked on a French fry. "_Boyfriend?!_"

"Oh, you two aren't dating?" she asked, looking surprised for some reason. I was gagging at this point and couldn't even find the words to respond properly.

Oliver seemed to be on the verge of puking. His face went green. "We are in no way dating, not _ever_," he explained to the girl, and took the magazine in his hand. "Ugh, really, don't give me nightmares…"

As I finally managed to swallow the rest of my French fry down, I stomped onto his foot at that last bit.

Oliver cringed at the impact, but remained calm and looked over the magazine quickly, as if he'd never seen it before in his life. "Nah," he said suddenly. "I'm much cuter."

The girl giggled. "Yes you are."

Now I really wanted to puke.

Oliver lifted his head in interest. "Am I?" he asked, a seductive tone on his voice that irritated me to no end.

I stomped onto his foot again, trying to remind him of Miley. I think the message was sent successfully, and he shook his head.

"Nope, I'm not Mike Stanley III, not at all, that is so crazy that you think that, because really, how could that be possible? I'm Oliver Oken, I don't have a secret life or anything, HAHAHAHA," he rambled like Captain Obvious.

I was half tempted to shoot him. But no one around had a gun handy.

The girl narrowed her eyes at him. "You sure?"

"P-Positive," he replied. "I mean, really, just look."

I couldn't believe what he did then, which was hold the magazine to the right side of his face, as if to compare the photo to himself. This was not going to help _anything_; the girl would have to be retarded if she didn't see how Oliver looked _exactly_ like the picture.

Just as I expected, the girl gasped, "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE MIKE STANLEY III!"

A crowd of people lifted their heads around us. I was terrified.

"NO! NO! No, I'm not!" Oliver yelled, sinking backwards into his seat.

"YES YOU ARE!" she shrieked, jumping up and down and turned to the rest of the beach, cupping a hand to her mouth to give more volume to her voice. "EVERYONE! IT'S HANNAH MONTANA'S FRIEND! MIKE STANLEY III!"

I don't know how it happened, but within a mere few seconds, people had surrounded us, interrogating Oliver like crazy. He looked like he couldn't breathe. I did the only thing I could think of, which was grab him by the sleeve and start yanking him out of the sea of people.

I saw Miley outside the crowd, looking horrorstruck. "Miley! Help!" I called to her.

"Oh my God," I saw her mouth, being I couldn't exactly hear anything but people questioning Oliver. Then she shook her head and turned to the people that had begun chasing Oliver and I.

"He's not Hannah Montana's friend! Really! He doesn't even know her!"

A boy looked at her skeptically. "Yeah, and how would _you_ know?"

"I…" Miley stopped herself. "Just _know_, okay! He's my best friend, and he wouldn't keep something like that from me!"

Unfortunately, this didn't do anything but edge the crowd of people to surround Oliver and I even more closely. I really, really_, really_ wanted to scream.

"LILLY!"

I snapped back to Miley, giving her a pained expression.

"RUN HIM HOME!" she continued. "I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS, I SWEAR!"

It was hard to focus to even begin to listen to her, until I saw Oliver hyperventilating beside me.

So, sighing in frustration and fear, and with as much power I could muster, I pushed my way through the crowd and started running down the beach, a screaming Oliver linked in my arm.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUUUUN! See! The magazine thing came back! How the heck is this going to work out, I wonder? Bwa ha ha.**

P.S. This is the last time the story is in Lilly's POV. Sorry, but the ending part wouldn't make sense if it was in her POV because--oh, wait, I can't tell you. :)

**Anyways, review and tell me your thoughts as usual. :) Thanks for all the lovely reviews so far!**


	11. Ferris of Them All

**Oh deary me, I almost forgot it was Tuesday today, so this is out later than I wanted it to be. Sorry! At least it's still technically on time!**

**I like this chapter—it's way longer than all the others before it, and I tried really, especially hard to put Miley in character, so hopefully that shows. Tell me if it doesn't! And enjoy!**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl**  
by Broken Oken

Chapter Eleven: Ferris of Them All (Miley)

* * *

I could barely believe this was happening. Only five hours before my kissing booth thing, too. I had no time to deal with… whatever this is that was going on. Somehow, and I really wasn't sure how, someone had realized the similarity between Mike and Oliver, and I was going to have to clear this up… and the only way to do it, was going to be through me… through _Hannah_.

When I got/raced/stormed home, I cornered my dad on the couch at once. "Dad! Dad!" I yelled desperately. "Someone saw the resemblance between Oliver and Mike!"

He looked up from his newspaper curiously. "What?"

"Some… _girl_, I think, figured it out. I don't know. I think she was hitting on him, too," I growled the useless bit of info out before realizing I was off task. "Er, and the beach heard it, and they're all chasing Oliver around and stuff, and if they find out—"

"You hold your horses, there, Miles, I know just what to do."

"_You do_?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course. But first, I'll need me a piece of cake," he answered simply, walking towards the refrigerator. I stared at him, mouth agape.

"DAD! This is no time for cake! It's an emergency!"

He opened the refrigerator and stuck his head inside. "No, no, there is _always_ time for cake. You just calm down. I'm gonna call one of your agents and get this whole thing settled. But first we gotta wait for the news crew to tackle Hannah Montana and ask her if she knew who Mike really was."

I was confused. "Why?"

Dad took out a plate with a giant piece of chocolate cake on it. "Simple. After they do that, we can have you go on TV and declare that it's not true, that Mike's just his distant cousin or something. It'll all be cleared out then."

I hugged the side of him. "Ah, thanks, you're the best!" I let go of him and inspected the cake. "So why'd you need the cake?"

"I didn't," he answered, taking out a fork and sticking it into the slice, then eyeing his stomach peculiarly. "And I definitely don't."

* * *

I was eventually mere seconds from debuting on TV as Hannah Montana. I had to wonder if Oliver was alright with people probably parading all over his front yard… then I remembered his Mom's man voice and handcuffs, and figured he'd be just fine.

"You ready, darlin'?" My dad asked me from the side as I sat myself down on the stool in front of the camera. I nodded my head and winked at him.

"Yep, I sure am!"

The man behind the camera held up a hand to countdown with his voice. "We're live in 5, 4…" and then just used his fingers for the number.

"Hey, everyone! It's Hannah Montana!" I said cheerfully with the biggest smile I could get by. "As you all probably know by now, a boy by the name of…"

I put on a fake, thoughtful face like I couldn't quite remember his name. "Oliver Oken, I think? Yeah, well, I've been informed that someone has mistaken him for my friend, Mike Standley III!"

I let out a laugh. "I'll have you know, that this is _very_ untrue. I've known Mike all my life, and he is nothing like Oliver. Oliver used to be one of my crazed fans a few years back, I had to let him down easy." I smiled. "But whoever has started this rumor is wrong. Despite their… uncanny similarities, they are not the same person." I grinned firmly with a nod of my head.

"_However, they both are pretty hot, eh?_"

I froze into the camera.

No. That did not come out of my mouth. No, it did not.

Had I seriously just _said that!?_ I looked over to my dad fearfully, and he looked just as shocked. My fears were confirmed.

"Um, er, well, yeah, so…" I tried to continue as I faced the camera, but the words were not coming out the way I had hoped, and my cheeks literally felt on fire. "They aren't the same person! Not at all! Mike is just, an, um, distant cousin of Oliver. Yeah. We all have our relatives, right? Ha…ha…ha. Okay, that's all. BYE!"

I was more than thankful for the camera to be shut off.

Had Oliver seen that? Oh my… what if he had? Would he… think I liked him?

But I didn't like Oliver… I really didn't. He was just my donut friend that smells nice lately. Wait, no. He doesn't smell nice… oh, who am I kidding, he smells heavenly.

But that doesn't mean I think of him as more than a friend.

I lifted myself up from the stool, and my dad walked forward towards me, a puzzled expression on his face. I stuck out a hand to stop him. "Not now, Dad."

He followed me into my dressing room anyways. "Did I honestly hear what I think you said?"

"'Not now, Dad'? Yep," I said, and tried shoving him out of the door.

Of course, I was no match against him, so he just stood there as I pushed on his side, looking as if I were pushing a concrete wall.

"You know what I meant, bud," he said, looking down at me with a small smile. "You got a thing for Oliver, eh?"

I blushed automatically, still trying to push him out the door. "No I don't!"

"Well, you seem to think he's 'hot'," he said, sounding amused by my word choice.

"Oliver is not hot!" I yelled, my blush deepening. "So not hot! He is like, so not hot, he's freezing! He'd be comfortable living at the North Pole! Surrounded by penguins! In, in an igloo!"

"Whatever you say, bud," he said, and I just knew he was unconvinced. But at least he finally left, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

"Oliver isn't hot," I told myself aloud in a whisper. "Oliver isn't hot. Oliver isn't hot. Oliver isn't hot. Oliver isn't—" Suddenly, my cell phone started ringing. I picked it up to answer. "Hello?"

"So, Oliver's hot, huh?" came Lilly's voice, and I practically screamed as the blush I had just gotten rid of came scorching back.

"NO!" I answered desperately. "I didn't mean to say hot! I meant to say…hogs! Yeah!"

Lilly was laughing. Great. "Whatever, Miley. America has heard the truth of what you think."

"Shut up. I wasn't thinking!"

"I'll say," she replied. "Oliver, hot? That's like saying Dandruff Danny is the spokesperson for dandruff shampoo."

I rolled my eyes. Mostly at myself because I was hating the way I was arguing with her statement in my head… like I was mad that she thought Oliver was ugly or something.

"_Well_, is everything okay now? Has everyone stopped bugging him?"

"Sorta. I taped you when it aired and have been showing it to the people who missed it. There's still a few people here."

I was humiliated at once. "You're at _OLIVER'S?!_"

"Yeah? What, is that bad?"

"Did he see me say… well, you know!"

She laughed again. "Of course he did."

"WHAT DID HE SAY?!"

"Dunno. I wasn't in the room when he first saw it. And he hasn't mentioned anything to me about it. He's too busy dealing with reporters and stuff."

I felt my head spin. "Reporters? I thought you said people were clearing out…"

"They are. They're just trying to get what he thinks of the whole mix-up. It's been great seeing him trip over his words a thousand times. He's so stupid, Miley. I do have to wonder what you see in him."

"Well, he's cute," I said to that almost instantly, then slapped a hand over my mouth. "I mean… oh my gosh."

Instead of her freaking out, she said simply, "You've got it so bad that you've gone blind. But hey, I gotta go. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, still humiliated.

"Bye!"

"Bye…"

I put my face into my hands and shut my cell phone. I had just gotten myself into a huge mess. Oliver now thinks I think that he's hot… and since he supposedly is in love with me, that'll probably _skyrocket_ his hopes. And I don't want to crush them at all.

I was just contemplating all the ways of killing myself in my dressing room (swallowing my own hair straightener seemed to be my top choice), when my dad walked in again. I looked up at him, frowning.

"What? You here to annoy me to death about Oliver, too?"

He blinked at me, apparently surprised by my morose tone. "Er, no. I was just telling you that we gotta start getting everything all set up at the fair now, so you might need to get yourself into the limo. I'll tell you what, I'm not too happy about you signing up for the kissing booth thing and not telling me… Good thing Roxie is going to do most of the supervising. _I'd_ be standing right behind you the entire time with a gun. Which reminds me, should I be worried about Oliver now?"

The kissing booth. I'd nearly forgotten. Great. I was going to have to kiss a bunch of boys on a day where I feel like throwing up on all of them. Just peachy.

"No, dad, I don't like him that way," I muttered, standing up. "But go ahead and tell the driver I'm on my way."

He nodded at me and left. I followed after him, already regretting signing up.

* * *

When I arrived at the fair, I was twenty minutes early before my kissing booth opened. All the carnival rides were open, though, and I desperately looked around for Lilly or Oliver. They had told me they'd be there… only, not as Lola or Mike… for some reason.

It kinda sucked because now I was gonna have to endure kissing these boys alone, with no one to talk to or force me to do my job. And judging by the lot of boys I was seeing around the fairgrounds… well… Let's just say, none were Abercrombie model material.

Roxie had joined me today (like Dad said), which I was thankful for, since she had been absent for the last couple weeks on vacation. With her at my side, I was allowed to walk the grounds because she wouldn't let anyone get close to me.

At first, people came running up to me, screaming for autographs, but when Roxie threatened them with her mighty Puma skills, they gradually backed off until it almost seemed I was walking as Miley, not Hannah Montana. However, the staring and screaming never really stopped.

"Roxie, have you seen… my friends anywhere?" I asked her cautiously while we walked.

She looked around. "I think I saw that boy friend of yours."

"Um, Roxie, he's not my boyfriend," I said, blushing. She turned to me, seemingly confused.

"Oh, honey, I didn't mean it as boyfriend. I meant it as your friend that's a boy. Pshhh, giiirl," she waved a hand at my face. "Like you'd actually date him anyways."

At this, I started laughing nervously for some reason.

"Ha ha, yeeeeeah… so where'd you see him?"

"Walking around with some girl, I think."

My pulse seemed to quicken. "Girl? You mean… like Lilly?"

Roxie stared thoughtfully up at the sky. "No… she had brown hair. Pretty long. I think I saw her at your middle school when I went there."

The memory of Roxie attending my middle school sent a shudder down my spine. Not something I liked to remember.

Then, it hit me.

"Wait, was it Becca? Becca Weller?"

"Ah, yeah, I think that's her name!"

"Urgh, no!" I exclaimed angrily, stamping my foot, gaining a strange look from Roxie. "She's already had him. She should just leave him alone already!"

"Girl, you okay?"

"HANNAH MONTANA!" a girl suddenly came running towards us, a photo of me in her hand. "CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?"

Roxie lunged out in front of me in Puma stance, and the girl screamed and started running the opposite direction.

I rolled my eyes. "Roxie, where are they?"

"Where's who?" she asked.

"Oliver and Becca." I half-noticed the way her name was spat out of my mouth in a growl.

"Last time I saw 'em… Ferris Wheel," she said with a shrug. "Why?"

My blood boiled. I could just see the two of them, laughing together as they held hands as they ascended to the sky….

"I'd like a ride on the Ferris Wheel then. C'mon." I started walking towards the wheel when Roxie stepped out in front of me.

"Nuh-uh, your daddy said no carnival rides."

I crossed my arms. "But Roxie—"

"No buts, you better march your little behind to the kissing booth already. You're gonna be late."

She grabbed my shoulders, moving me backwards. I sighed in frustration, taking a long, hard, look at the Ferris Wheel, and turned around.

* * *

"Excuse me, Roxie, I'll just be in the bathroom," I said innocently from the bench the two of us had been sitting on for the last minute. It was only a few yards away from my limo, and the port-o-potties were positioned only a little ways from there, which was perfect for the plan I was about to initiate.

My bodyguard, although equipped with such a tough exterior, waved a hand and smiled.

"You go right ahead, girl. But if you're not back in five minutes, I'll assume you've fallen in, and have to call the FBI. Cause _that_ is one place Roxie will _not_ go in."

I shuddered in disgust and got up. I noticed Roxie was humming along to some song, not really paying attention to me for once in her life, so I took it as my chance to jump inside the limo. Once inside, I hastily removed my white jean jacket, leaving me with a simple pink tank-top and ditched my black leggings under my skirt. And finally, I tossed off my blonde wig, letting my brown hair fall out around my shoulders. Pulling out a mirror from my make-up bag, I smiled to myself, checking my make-up, and then proceeded to part two of my plan.

Getting out of the limo without Roxie noticing was going to be difficult. Roxie had an incredible sense of smell… for me, anyways, it seemed. I quietly shut the door, and breathed a sigh of relief when Roxie didn't move an inch.

Then, with all the speed I had within me, I took off running the opposite direction, around the giant red and white circus tent in the middle of the grounds. If Roxie saw me, I was gonna have to put my legs to use. She could probably RUN like a puma, too…

I relaxed when I realized she wasn't following me.

But soon regained a new emotion when I saw the Ferris wheel out in front of me. Anger brewed within my body, and I clenched a fist, just imagining the wheel stopping with Oliver and _her_ at the top… with a beautiful sky and setting for them to ki—

"Miley?"

I choked on my own rage as Lilly popped into my view, holding a giant stick of purple cotton candy. "Lilly?" I squeaked.

"What the… aren't you supposed to be…" she leaned in closely to whisper, "Annah-hay Ontana-may right now?"

I stuttered. I really couldn't let her know what I was doing, because I didn't have much idea to what that was either. All I knew was that I had to go see what Oliver and Becca were up to…

"Um, yeah, but I, um, wanted to check out the Ferris wheel. I can't as… you-know-who. I gotta be quick, too, 'cause Roxie doesn't know."

Her eyes widened. "Oh, okay, then let's go!" She grabbed hold of my arm, and I silently smiled in triumph as she pulled me over to the line.

However, I didn't see Oliver and Becca anywhere around. Lilly eventually noticed my eyes darting pretty much everywhere, and started imitating me. "Looking for Roxie?" she asked.

"No, I mean, yeah!"

She eyed me suspiciously. "Okay… hey, look, our turn!"

I was angry that I was getting on the stupid ride when I didn't even see the reason _why_ I was anywhere around me. But I got on anyway, scoffing to myself and crossing my arms. Lilly sat down, still looking at me strangely.

"What's your problem?"

I had been trying not to glare to myself, but I don't think it worked.

"Nothing," I said, and Lilly just blinked at me a couple times before edging more towards the window seat of our cart to gaze upwards.

And that's when I saw it. It gave me a lurching feeling in my stomach, too. Oliver and Becca were just getting in line below us. I saw the man operating the Ferris wheel check out their wristbands, and I tried not to smile as I realized Oliver's wristband was orange. They started getting into the cart when Oliver started to glance up. I ducked.

"What are you looking at?" Lilly asked, scooting closer to me. I immediately pointed the opposite direction and faked a gasp.

"Wow, look, a flying fish!"

"Whoa! I've never seen one of those! Where?!"

I silently breathed a sigh of relief to myself as she turned excitedly away from me. I took it as my chance to look down at the cart now directly below us… that held both my best friend and his _ex_ girlfriend. _What were they up to?!_

Suddenly, I heard Oliver's laughter and started fuming. She was making him _laugh?!_

Lilly was squinting her eyes. "I don't see any flying fish, Miley, dang, I must've missed it—" she stopped and turned to me. "Hey, was that Oliver?"

I played along and feigned surprise. "YEAH! I thought I heard him, too!"

Lilly luckily bought it and stuck her head out of the cart to look down. I watched her face turn sour. "Ew."

My heart accelerated. Were they… _making out?! _'Cause that's a definite 'ew' in my book!

But… I played it cool.

"What? What's ew?" the words did not fly so nonchalant out of my mouth as I had hoped.

"He's in the cart below us with Becca Weller."

I couldn't keep it in and shrieked, "Are they kissing?!"

Lilly was so startled by my outburst that when she turned to look at me, our foreheads conked together and we both moaned in pain.

"Miley? Lilly?"

While recovering, I about regained my headache when I heard Oliver's voice calling our names below us, and the carts were gradually rising.

Lilly was the first to acknowledge him with her usual hostility. "That's us, stupid."

When I looked down, I noticed his face held a pained smile, and Becca looked genuinely unhappy that we were somehow intruding something. I hoped we weren't… sfhjdsfh…

I came to the conclusion then that both of our carriages had arrived at the top. We were sharing center… and the ride stopped. We were all staring at each other with the same uncomfortable expressions. Awkwaaaard…

"Hi," Becca said simply, not even looking at Lilly, I noticed.

"Hi," I squeaked. "Becca. Oliver."

"I didn't know you were gonna be here, Miley," she replied with a tone of annoyance. I honestly wanted to jump out of the carriage and rip out her hair. "Oliver said you were at your grandma's."

"Change of plans," I remarked coldly.

Oliver shifted his gaze uneasily between Becca and I. "Er," it was the first thing he said, and he left it at that.

AHHHHHHH. No one continued saying anything after his dumb 'Er'. I wanted to kill something.

The ride finally started moving again, and Lilly watched me worriedly the entire time we descended. Almost like she knew I—er, knew I what?

When the ride ended, I was more than happy to just stomp out of there. I was so angry that I _marched_ back to the limo. I heard Lilly behind me, calling my name anxiously, but I paid her no mind. All I could think about was that I was somehow so angry over the fact that Oliver was supposed to be in love with _me_… _not_ her. Not again. Not that little… _tramp!_

"Miley, Miley, Miley!" Lilly was calling again, closer this time.

I stuck out a hand behind me as I walked. "Not now, Lilly! I'm going to go happily kiss a bunch of cute boys that actually _like_ Hannah Montana. You know, that don't like their ex girlfriends anymore! Ones that won't—" Hands grabbed my arm and twisted me around. Lilly appeared furious.

"Miley! What is wrong with you? You're acting like a crazy person!" she yelled.

"_Me_? Did you see _her_? 'Oliver said you were gonna be at your grandmas'! Oh, she's probably _wishing _I was at my grandma's now, because I am going to smack that little smile off her dumb, ugly face!"

The anger in her face subsided and she started laughing. What?!

Blushing I threw her arms off of me. "What?! This isn't funny! Lilly! LILLY! Stop laughing!"

She wiped a tear from an eye, still giggling. "Miley…"

"What?! WHAT?"

"You sound just like Oliver."

"Just like Oliver?! Are you kidding me? He's all, _'Oh, here you go, good sir, our wristbands that allow me and my EX girlfriend to ride this thing together where we can snuggle and kiss and hug and'_—"

"MILEY! I meant that as in when Oliver got jealous of Crocodile Kyle."

I faltered in my speech and blushed again. "What? Oliver wasn't jealous of Croco—er, Kyle."

"Miley… don't tell me you're _that_ blind…"

"I'm not blind! I can see perfectly well!"

"Then you would see that he's _in love with you!_"

Hearing the words from Lilly herself startled me. "Wh-what?"

She slapped a hand to her forehead. "Oliver Oscar Oken, donut boy extraordinaire, is in love with you. I've known it for years, I see the way he looks at you, though he's only admitted to liking you a couple days ago. He's going to kill me for telling you this, too. And yada yada yada, sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

My mind spun. "Oliver likes me? He really does? Honestly?"

Lilly sighed. "Honestly."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Oh… wait, really?"

"MILEY! YES! HE LOVES YOU!"

I kind of smiled when I suddenly remembered something. "No, no he doesn't. What about Becca?"

Lilly gave me a doubtful look. "Becca? What about Becca? Oliver can't stand her. She just came up to him today cause she probably wanted to talk to him about getting back together. Someone told me that she thought him spilling his spaghetti on her last week couldn't have been coincidence."

My heart sank. "They're gonna start dating…"

"Um, no. Oliver's in love with you, Miley. _You_."

"But—"

"Miley Rae Stewart!"

Uh oh… that was my dad behind me. Lilly's eyes widened in fear and nervously waved at him.

"Heeeey, Mr. S," she greeted.

He looked absolutely enraged. "Miley Rae Stewart, Roxie and I have been looking everywhere for you. I almost convinced Jackson to dive down the port-o-potty."

"Ewwww. Er, I'm sorry, dad, but it was, it was so important! I'll have to explain later! Seriously!"

He still didn't smile, just put a hand on my shoulder, beginning to direct me back to the limo. "Well, right now, you've got a kissing booth to host, and as much as I hate to have you do this, the only other option we got is Jackson, and I don't think any of these girls are gonna be lining up for that boy…"

I nodded, glancing backwards at Lilly, who had turned a little pink for some reason. I looked at her curiously, and she shook her head.

I shook mine, too, and then began to run to my limo, thoughts of the kissing booth swimming through my head. Did I _really_ want to go through with this? All those boys? Maybe one would be cute…

I frowned as the realization hit me.

The only boy I thought was cute was not going to be in line. The only boy I thought was cute was currently walking the fairgrounds with the one and only Becca Weller.

* * *

**WOOOOO! How's that for a chapter? Anyyyyyways, the last two chapters are next, both in Oliver's point-of-view because I love him the most. haha. So get excited and reviewww!**


	12. Inhale, EXhale

**Oh geez, second-to-last chapter here, folks! I won't bore you with anything in an author's note, except for what I just wrote…so, um, ENJOY!**

**

* * *

**

Don't Kiss the Girl

By Broken Oken

Chapter Twelve: Inhale, EX-hale (Oliver)

* * *

After being publicly humiliated in more ways than one about the Mike Standley thing, Lilly announced it was time for us to go to the fair. I really didn't want to go in case people would stalk me there, too, like, for instance, people who hadn't seen Miley's broadcast…

_"However, they're both pretty hot, eh?"_

Her words repeated in my head like a broken record player as Lilly drove us to the fair. I was dazed. _Hot_? Miley thought I was _hot_? Surely she must've meant something else… maybe she meant hungry or something. Hungry begins with an H, too. And I mean, I am _always_ hungry. For instance, I was planning to grab a corndog the moment we got through the fair's entrance.

"I can't believe _I_ have to drive _you _to the fair," Lilly scoffed at me as we drove along. "Don't boys normally always drive the girls?"

"Lilly, Mom wouldn't let me take the car," I said for the hundredth time. "She was afraid people who missed Miley on TV had already recognized it and would follow us here… and that would lead them to Hannah Montana, and then Miley would hate me for eternity if she doesn't already."

"Whatever," she muttered. "But you did bring your money right?"

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"You're buying me cotton candy. And a wristband."

"Why?"

She glared at me, taking her eyes off the road. "Like I said, I have to drive _you_, _unwillingly_ I might add, to this thing just to see you lose. There's no challenge anymore since you are so ga-ga over the girl. I deserve a treat."

"LILLY! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!"

She switched back to looking ahead of her and swerved back into the lane—we had nearly off-roaded.

"Are you trying to kill us?!" I screeched. She death-looked at me again in response, and I quickly pushed her face back to the road. "Never mind, don't answer, just drive."

When we got there, I reluctantly bought Lilly and I wristbands. Lilly insisted on a blue one, and I, naturally, received an orange one. That's when I noticed Miley's limo parked inside the fence.

"Let's go say hi," I said, smiling mindlessly, rethinking of the 'hot' comment, and Lilly pulled me back.

"Idiot. She's not Miley right now. She's Hannah Montana," she whispered angrily. "Don't you think you've had enough trouble with celebrities for one day?"

I sneered. "Fine, fine. But why did we get here so early?"

Lilly smiled hugely. "I want to go ride _some_ rides, you know. Why else would you buy me a wristband?"

I was about to respond with a yell since most carnival rides upset my stomach, when a girl walked towards us out of the corner of my eye. My first reflex was to run away, thinking she might've thought I was Mike Standley, too, but then I realized whom the girl was…

And then, my first reflex returned again. Ughhh.

"Hey, Oliver," Becca Weller greeted, smiling shyly. I looked at her with wide eyes, turning to Lilly, who looked just downright confused.

_Breathe,_ I told myself. _Inhale, exhale… EX-hale… trust me to make a joke at a time like this._

"Oh, um, hi, to you too, Lilly," Becca added in a rush.

"Hi, Becca," I choked out.

Lilly made a face and didn't even bother with a greeting. "What are you doing here?"

Becca blinked, baffled by Lilly's upset behavior. "I'm just here with some friends. They just left to go on the Tilt-O-Whirl, and that ride makes me sick." She laughed. Lilly didn't join in, and I didn't either, I was too bewildered to really do much else but stand there.

She turned to me suddenly. "Hey, um, I've been meaning to talk to you, Oliver."

_Talk to me? About what?_ I thought, horrified beyond reason at the ideas already forming in my head.

"Er, okay," I got out, somehow.

"Mind if I borrow him for a second, Lilly?"

Lilly's expression looked doubtful. "I don't care. I don't own him. But, Oliver, I'm going to need three dollars."

I stared at her, trying to think straight, and fumbled into my jean pocket, searching for my wallet. I pulled out three dollars bills and handed them to her. "What'd you need three dollars for?"

"Cotton candy," she said like I was dumb and walked away from us. I watched her leave in disbelief. How could she just leave me here with—with _her?!_

Without my permission, Becca suddenly linked her arm into mine. I was shocked and looked down at it uncomfortably as she started dragging me away. "How about we talk on the Ferris wheel?" she asked me. "Get some _privacy_?"

_Privacy?_ I was again horrified. I unconsciously swallowed down a lump that had formed in my throat. So why wasn't I saying no?! What's wrong with me?! WHY AM I SO NICE?!

We were almost arriving in live when Lilly popped up again out of nowhere, a giant stick of purple cotton candy in hand. I was bewildered on how fast she'd managed to get it.

"Hey," she piped, then looked at our linked arms. I instantly untangled myself from Becca, who I noticed was glaring.

"Lilly, I'm not done talking to him…"

Lilly blinked innocently. "You just said you needed him for a second. I let you have him for another, un-agreed-to thirty _more _seconds."

I would've high-fived the girl for once, but then Becca laughed. It was so fake, I could've puked. "Well, I need him for a few _minutes_, how about?"

Lilly shrugged, still looking irritated. I knew this was about Miley.

"Whatever. I'll just… go find something else to do." As she walked away, I swore I heard a mutter of, "tramp".

I would've rather died than be left alone with Becca. The few seconds I was were horrible enough.

"Wait, Oliver, before we go ahead and get in line, can you hold my purse while I go to the bathroom?"

I was about to object when she shouted a, "thanks!", threw her white purse at me and ran off. I blushed crimson, holding the purse like it was a dead animal, and as far away as my arm could stretch.

I think a couple of men chuckled at me and pointed their fingers. I could've killed someone. I officially hate Becca.

She came back after a couple of decades. Who knew what she really was up to, because I knew for a fact she hadn't run off in the direction of a port-o-potty at all. I threw the purse back at her, and she smiled like she was appreciative of my help. I gagged inwardly.

"So, Ferris wheel, it is." And then she linked her arm into mine again, and I scrunched my face up, trying to not look so disgusted than I really was.

We entered our carriage quietly. I completely forgot about the ladies first thing, and kinda just jumped in. Judging by the look on Becca's face, she didn't think it was too pleasant of me to do so.

I glanced around in fear that Miley might see me in here for some reason. I mean, I know she might not really like me, but if that _hot _statement was true, I didn't want to ruin my chances so quickly. If she liked me, she'd be _livid_ if she saw me with Becca.

Becca looked shy as she coiled herself into the side of me. I resisted the urge to vomit. My stomach hurt really bad just looking at her.

"So, why's Miley not with you today?"

It was weird, the way she spoke Miley's name. It was almost like it was some sort of… disease. I don't know. Strange, though.

I searched my head madly, trying to come up with a decent excuse why Miley wouldn't come to a fair with Lilly and I on a Saturday. I mean, I knew one… but the truth was not going to come out of my mouth. I had made a promise to Miley I wouldn't ever tell.

"She's, well, she, kinda… at her grandma's," I lied horribly, sputtering profusely.

Becca nodded silently and leaned her head on my shoulder flirtatiously. I twitched at the impact, wanting to shrug her off, but I felt pinned against my will.

"Oliver, what I wanted to talk to you about…" Becca began again slowly. I didn't look at her, just continued staring frantically out the carriage windows. "Er, well, I just think that maybe we should give 'us' another shot."

My response was not what I would normally think it would be. I started laughing really loudly. Insanely even. I had no idea why I found that so funny… maybe because I knew it would never happen again in a thousand years.

"What? You think so, too?" Becca asked eagerly.

I kept laughing, but managed to reply, "Are you crazy? No."

It was probably the least gentlemen-like response you could think of, I think. I felt bad that the smile on Becca's face had been replaced with a heavy, cold frown.

Okay, not TOTALLY bad, I guess.

A familiar squeal of, "Are they kissing?!" suddenly diverted her attention. Wait… was that… Miley?

"Miley? Lilly?"

I searched the carriage diagonally upwards from us. A green beanie was visible on top of a blonde girl's head. I instantly recognized her, along with the hostile glare.

"Yeah, that's us, stupid," Lilly said in her usual tone, rolling her eyes.

I winced, trying to hold my smile still. I saw Miley sitting next to her, biting her lip like she was worried about something. Then I remembered she was supposed to be Hannah Montana right now. What the heck was she doing on a carnival ride… as Miley Stewart?

The carriages were still moving, and out of the corner of my eye, I realized we were now at the tip-top of the Ferris wheel. And I suddenly lost the power to speak. Wow. As if things couldn't be more awkward…

"Hi," I heard Becca say beside me dryly.

Miley eyed her, looking distraught. "Hi," she said softly back. "Becca. Oliver."

I raised a hand to wave at her since I couldn't talk, but I realized it was shaking too bad for some reason… nerves, I'm guessing.

"I didn't know you were gonna be here, Miley," Becca replied, flipping a piece of her hair back over her shoulder. "Oliver said you were at your grandma's."

"Change of plans," Miley answered almost immediately.

I looked between the two, sensing an emotion that almost seemed like… jealousy. I didn't understand why there would be any, though, as Miley probably doesn't like me, and Becca wouldn't know if she did anyways.

I don't know what I was going to say, but it came out as, "Er."

And then nothing else. I once again had lost the ability to speak.

I noticed the ride was descending us back to the ground. I stared at Miley as this went on, completely ignoring Becca's random rant of 'how rude Miley is sometimes'. However, neither Miley or Lilly said anything to us. In fact, since their carriage got to the ground first, Miley leapt out of it and ran off like lightning, Lilly following at a slightly slower speed. _Uh oh._ She was angry.

When we landed, I jumped out of the Ferris wheel carriage as fast as I could, but it wasn't fast enough. I watched Miley disappear into the crowd with Lilly trailing behind her. I frowned, and I felt Becca appear beside me.

"Weird that she's here, huh?" she asked me. I actually heard what she had said this time.

I tilted my head to look at her with a glare. "Becca, why are you still trying to talk to me?"

Horrifyingly enough, the girl decided to take my hand in hers. "Oliver, the spaghetti… it couldn't have been by chance that my eighth grade sweetheart dumped it all onto me."

I eyed her in disbelief and tore my hand away from hers. "You… you mean, you think that since I got that all over you that day, we're supposed… to…be… together?!"

I couldn't stop laughing. I don't think she was too happy about that either.

"Oliver!" she said, hands on her hips. "Don't you think so, too?"

"Becca, Becca, Becca," I said, placing my arm around her. "Now, I know, you're just dying for another piece of Smoken Oken… but, you gotta let the other ladies get a chance, too!"

She scoffed, throwing me off her. "Never mind. You haven't changed at all!"

Fortunately, she stormed off. I smiled arrogantly, then turned to see a few people staring at me like I was nuts for being happy about a girl getting mad at me. I shrugged and started walking in the direction of where I had seen Miley and Lilly run off to minutes before.

I was just past the Cotton Candy booth, when someone yanked me by the arm and took me behind the garbage can. I was disappointed to find it was Lilly.

"What took you so long?" she hissed. "We gotta get you in your wig and in different clothes!"

"Excuse me, but where's Miley? She looked pretty mad—"

"Never mind that, but you've probably got a lot of sucking up to do. And really, what was _that_ back there anyways? Wait, never mind, we have no time—"

"Just clearing things out with Becca," I answered anyways. "Gosh, you're in a hurry to lose this bet, aren't you?"

She glared, ignoring my last question completely. "So… Becca…?"

"I told her I am un-a-vail-able," I said, winking.

Lilly groaned, luckily not slapping me for once at my cockiness. "Well, at least you're not together. No offense, but you guys would've made one uuuugly pair of lovebirds. Not nearly as pretty as you'd be with a certain _song_bird I know…"

I looked at her, confused. "Why are you talking about birds?"

She did slap me then. I should've known a conversation with Lilly without getting injured in the process would never happen.

"_Anyways_," she hissed again. "Go back out to the parking lot. Find my car and meet me there, okay?"

"Why can't we just go together?"

"That'll look… weird!" she said and shoved me back out into the open. "Just go!"

I glared at her, dusting myself off, and began to walk to the parking lot. It took me about ten minutes to find Lilly's car, and when I finally did, I had to wait another ten for her to show up.

"What took _you _so long?" I asked her mockingly and she didn't even look at me as she unlocked her car.

"Nothing," she murmured, opening the back car doors. "Just ran into someone."

The odd look on her face confused me, but I didn't even bother asking. "So, do you want me to go in there and get changed?"

"Yep. And trust me on this one, I _won't_ peek," she made a gagging face. I rolled my eyes.

After changing in the backseat of her car, which proved to be very difficult, I got out, and Lilly stared at me. She came forward and started messing around with my new jacket, white button-up shirt collar, sunglasses, wig, and something that resembled a detective's hat. Man, I was wearing a lot. And I bet I looked so stupid in it, too.

"Whoa," she said, sounding dazed. "I actually don't recognize you. Nice. I didn't think you could fit all that hair in a wig. The hat's a nice touch." She reached for it, but I shooed her hands away. "Stop touching me, you sicko."

She narrowed her eyes.

"I mean, let's go!" I practically ran back to the entrance of the fair when I realized something and turned around to Lilly again. "Lilly! I'm gonna have to pay for another wristband, aren't I?!"

She smiled gleefully. "Yep."

"You're a monster."

I hastily got out my wallet before I walked up to pay the entrance fee, and got a new wristband. There were four different colors to choose from, and as always, I went for the orange, and Lilly put a hand up to stop me.

"What? Like she would actually notice what color of wristband I wore!" I whispered.

"Don't care. Get blue. That's her favorite."

"I know," I hissed, picking it out and having the man tie it around my wrist. Lilly shook her head at me with a smirk. "What?"

"Of course you would know what her favorite color is, loverboy."

I ran to attack her as I was finally able to enter again, when I saw…

…the line.

It must've been a hundred feet long. Or something like that. There were boys of all type standing in it. Nerds and various other boys had out their inhalers, while the more jock, cocky type sprayed mouth freshener between their lips. I knew what this line was for… and it bothered me to no end that every single person in line in front of me was going to get kissed before me.

Actually, it bothered me to no end that I had to COMPETE with all this. I didn't want Miley to be kissing all these guys, either. Ninety-nine percent of guys are jerks… I'm the one percent who isn't!

As I took my place in the long, long line, Lilly hummed beside me. I looked at her. "Um, wouldn't it be kinda suspicious for you to act like you know me?"

Lilly blinked. "I'm not going to be here for long. I have other plans. And besides, you're gonna be in line all day; she won't even see me standing here for another fifteen minutes."

"Other plans? You're leaving me here at the fair?!"

"Oh, Oliv—" she stopped. "Wait, we need you a name."

I thought for a second. "How about Rambo?"

"How about YOU'RE AN IDIOT?! Rambo?!"

"Makes me sound manly," I grinned and winked again.

"No, it makes you sound like a donuthead, and me want to puke. Your new name is Steve."

"Steve? Why Steve?"

"Because I like that name."

"Well, I liked Rambo!"

"Too bad. _I_ created you, Steve. I'm like Dr. Frankenstein."

"I thought Frankenstein was a monster, not a doctor."

"You are mindless…"

I was about to come back with an insult, when the guy in front of me turned around to stare at us. I instantly straightened up like nothing was wrong when I recognized who he was, and by the look he was giving Lilly and I, I think he had a pretty good idea of who we were, too.

"Kyle?" Lilly squeaked, taking the word right out of my mouth.

* * *

**CROINKY! A CROC! XD Aww… RIP Steve Irwin. I miss you.**

**And I named Oliver 'Steve' specifically, if you catch the joke there. haha.**

**Anyways, the last chapter is next! It's also in Oliver's point-of-view. So, look forward to that next Tuesday. Review and you'll finally see how this all plays out. Woo.**


	13. Forks

**Alright, the last chappy. How sad. I really like this chapter actually. It's fluffy, so if you like fluff, you'll probably like this. Yep. And they're still in character while being fluffy… I think/hope. Tell me if they're not.**

**OKAY, NOTES!!**

**Back in chapter… um… ten or eleven, I forget, I mentioned that you needed to pay attention to two things. Well, remember what Jackson told Lilly about what he wanted to do instead. And remember when Oliver stared at the person with the fork? Yeah, that little thing you thought was pointless comes into play, so look out.**

**and heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go.**

* * *

**Don't Kiss the Girl  
**by Broken Oken

Chapter Thirteen: Forks (Oliver)

* * *

I couldn't believe it.

Kyle Gardner was standing right there in front of us. Kyle Gardner. Miley's ex boyfriend. _Hannah_'s ex boyfriend. Well, sort of…

I think we were more shocked to see him than he was to see us. Because as soon as Lilly said his name, Kyle smiled naturally.

"Hey, Lilly," he said and then looked at me oddly. "And who's this?"

_Who's this?_ I repeated in my head. _He doesn't know…? How?_

Lilly stepped on my foot harshly to make me answer at once in a pubescent squeak, "Steve!"

"Oh," he said, smirking somewhat, "Well, nice to meet you, Steve." He extended a hand with a warm smile. I took it firmly, resisting the urge to rip it off of its socket. This guy had hurt Miley… and now… _wait._

Lilly must've read my mind, since she blurted, "_You're gonna kiss Hannah Montana_?"

Kyle laughed. "Well… yeah. She's… hot."

I was fuming. "What?!" I shouted too loudly, earning another weird look from Kyle.

"Dude, what's wrong?"

Lilly put a hand on my shoulder, and I tried to relax.

Suddenly Kyle got a look of understanding. "Oh… you must be a friend of Miley's… and you guys are probably uncomfortable with me kissing someone else the day after we break up…"

_That's only a twelfth of it!_ I wanted to scream back.

"Er, yeah, sure," Lilly spoke up awkwardly.

"I hope you guys don't hate me, but I really did like Miley. I still do, but I gotta get over her somehow. And, what better way than to do it than by trying my chances with Hannah Montana?" Kyle grinned widely and proudly. Lilly laughed nervously beside me, and hit me to mirror her.

What I really did was barf in my mouth, but not really. He had no idea how stupid his reasoning was.

"You're lucky you're getting to her first," I mumbled under my breath.

I think Lilly heard me because she sort of smiled like she thought she was going to win the bet. I had to admit, Kyle here was going to put her to an advantage. It sucked that he was in front of me, though… _He has no chance with 'Hannah Montana', though_, I reminded myself. _Miley doesn't like him anymore… right?_

I was suddenly worried.

The line was starting to shorten ahead of Kyle pretty quickly, I noticed. I was questioning why when a sign came into view. It was big and pink, with Hannah Montana's picture plastered to it. This explained the speediness quite clearly for me.

"Keep the kisses quick!" the sign read. With Roxie up there, I'm sure there was probably even a .2 second time limit or something.

"So, you like Hannah Montana, Steve?" Kyle then asked me, probably out of boredom.

"Oh yeah," Lilly answered for me, seemingly loving the fact that Kyle didn't know who he was really talking about. "Stevie here _loooooves_ her."

I blushed and Kyle laughed. "Pretty big fan then?"

I didn't let Lilly interject this time. "Huge fan. I know everything about her," I told him, then repeated in a growl, "_Everything_."

_Including the person she really is, you dumb crocodile,_ I added in thought.

"That's cool. Miley introduced me to her music," Kyle said.

Lilly and I exchanged looks.

I checked the line again, and saw that Miley… er, Hannah Montana was now in view. She looked pained. A nerdy boy with glasses had his head stretched out to her at the moment like an ostrich. She winced, puckering her lips and darted at him and sunk back, wiping her mouth off with a disgusted expression. The boy looked genuinely confused, but smiled anyways, and walked away. I had to smile as well.

Lilly apparently had saw, too, because she was laughing. I joined her. This seemed to gain Kyle's interest because he now had his head craned over to where 'Hannah' was sitting.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, you can just tell Hannah doesn't wanna kiss anyone here," Lilly said, still laughing, then stopped, whispering only loud enough for me to hear, "Or… _maybe she does_." She gave me an oddly furtive look, and I glared at her

"Maybe I'll change her mind," Kyle suggested like an idiot.

I rolled my eyes. Lilly pulled my ear to her mouth really suddenly.

"I'm going to go call Miley now and warn her that Kyle's in line," she whispered. "I know it's gonna be difficult, but just try not to kill him while I'm gone, okay?"

She sprang away before I had time to object to the idea of _not _killing Kyle. _Great._ Now I was left alone with him and I couldn't even hurt him. I couldn't help but glare at the back of his head as he stared at Miley.

"So, dude, just between you and me," he said, yet still not looking at me. "You got a thing for your friend?"

My eyes focused on Miley, who had just pecked another boy on the lips and pulled away.

"Yeah… I do."

Kyle twisted around to me, but still took a step forward in line as it moved.

"You should tell her."

"No, no, no!" I held out a hand, blushing at the idea. "She would never feel the same! We're, like, best friends!"

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Really? I've never seen Lilly with you before."

I almost replied when I caught what he'd said. "_Lilly?!"_

"Um, yeah, Lilly."

"Ahhhhh! No! Not Lilly! Yuck." I stuck out my tongue, now bothered with the image of her and I as a couple. Talk about practically incest. "I meant someone else."

"Oh," Kyle stated simply, then stared at me like he was trying to figure something out.

The line pulled forward again, and I saw Miley reach for her Hannah cell phone in her jeans. She apologized to the boy who was in front by holding up her pointer finger and walked away…. Obviously on the phone with Lilly.

Awkward silence progressed between Kyle and I. I shuffled my feet around, waiting for the line to keep moving, when about ten minutes later, it did. I saw Miley back at her seat, looking like she was gonna puke now, and her eyes darting back in the line, probably looking for Kyle.

Oh, great. She was bound to get her first glimpse of me. I was about to find out if she was going to buy the disguise.

When I saw her eyes finally land on me, I bit my lip. She was either going to freak out or just not say anything at all if she recognized me.

But she didn't smile, yell, or anything. I breathed a sigh of relief. She had only blinked a couple of times, and then her eyes shifted to the guy in front of me… Kyle.

Her reaction to him was obvious. A frown appeared on her lips.

While staring at her face, I had realized that some time had passed as I spaced out, and that it was almost time for Kyle's… our turn.

_Where the heck's Lilly?_ I said in my mind, looking around in a state of panic. _She doesn't really have those 'other plans', does she? She's not even gonna see if she wins this stupid bet that's messed up my whole thought process on my other best friend?_The guy in front of Kyle moved away from the booth. Oh no. It was Kyle's turn. I watched warily as Kyle flashed Miley/Hannah a smile and placed a dollar into the jar next to her. She looked horror-struck, and a little sick to her stomach.

"Hey there, Hannah, I'm Kyle, and I'm sure to make this a kiss you won't forget."

Roxie popped her knuckles behind Miley at that, and Kyle took a step back.

"And if it's longer than .2 seconds, I'll make you a knuckle sandwich you won't forget."

Miley just shook her head. "Never mind her, just kiss me already."

At least she didn't sound excited…

However, I still wanted to die of the anticipation when Kyle walked forward again, placing his lips upon hers. Miley didn't move, or close her eyes at all. She… _she drew back._ YES!!!!!!

Kyle frowned. "That's it?"

"Sorry, tight schedule, moving along," Miley said hastily and shoved him to the left. Her face was so disgusted that I thought she would hurl.

Then I realized something.

It was… my turn.

And Lilly was nowhere to be seen.

Oh no.

Miley smiled weakly at me. "Hey," she said, sounding bored. I could not understand how she didn't see right through my disguise. I didn't think I looked that… er… disguisable. Not to my best friend anyway. Then again, Lilly had said she almost didn't recognize me…

My heart thudded. "Um, h-h-hello." Wow. Smooth.

"So, what's your name?"

"Ol…Steve."

"Alsteve? That's a funny name," Miley said, smiling a bit more.

"Yeah, I have cool parents, I know."

She laughed. _Whoa._ She was actually _laughing at one of my jokes_.

I casually placed a dollar into the jar and stared into her eyes. "H-Hannah, I don't know if I can do this."

She blinked. "Then… why are you in line?"

I sighed. "Because… because someone dared me to, really."

"Dared you to?"

"Hannah, time limit," Roxie thundered behind her suddenly, and Miley rolled her eyes, ignoring her.

"Yeah, my best friend dared me to. She says I'm in love with you. And I say I'm not."

She tilted her head at me. "Oh. And I guess this kiss is supposed to prove this?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I have to _not_ kiss you back."

"Should be easy, though, if you're not, right?" Miley smiled her amazing smile at me again, and I realized how hard this was going to be. I was melting _already._

"It's going to be kind of hard, though, because you're… beautiful."

I mentally slapped myself. _Beautiful?_ Had I seriously said that out loud?

She blushed scarlet. "Er, oh, um, thank you."

"Hannah," came Roxie's warning voice again.

"Oh, alright," Miley leaned her head forward, looking at me, still slightly red-faced. "Well, um, Steve, here it goes."

_Here it goes_, I breathed inwardly.

I cautiously stuck my head out a little further, blushing just as hard as she was, seeing her lips almost inches from mine_. It was really happening_.

I was going to kiss Miley.

Miley. My best friend, Miley. As Hannah. But still Miley.

I could feel her breath on the corners of my lips when something I did not quite expect happened.

_"Oliver?!"_

I jerked back out of habit, since I was so used to people yelling at me through my real name. But I was none too happy to see who it was.

"Oliver!" Becca said, stomping towards us. "Do you honestly think that disguise is fooling anyone! I can't believe that you'd kiss her rather than me… you're still in love with Hannah Montana, I can't believe this!"

Oh, no. Oh, _no_. How had she seen through the disguise?! _How?!_

I couldn't even look at Miley at the moment. Everything had gone really quiet, except for Becca going on and on about how 'shallow' I am.

"I'm not Oliver!" I said pathetically.

"Yes you are!" Becca ripped my wig off along with my sunglasses. "What are you doing?!"

I really wished then that you could die of embarrassment. Because I would've rather been shot than to be in that position. Everything was done for. Miley and I's friendship included.

I couldn't think of what to say, so I decided I needed an escape. "I, I, I… I gotta go."

I ran off like an idiot. I still hadn't even looked at Miley's face, but I could just imagine the disgust on her face when she realized she had almost kissed _me_… her stupid donut best friend…

I hid behind an abandoned game booth for a long time. I didn't even hear anyone calling my name or going after me. Then again, how could Miley do that when she was Hannah Montana? The press would be all over it…

Ughhh….

Finally, it was getting kind of late and dark, so I came out of hiding, noticing the Ferris wheel was now adorned with bright neon colored lights. I stared at it for awhile, almost completely forgetting about the mess I was currently in.

I was startled when someone walked up from behind me.

"Hey."

I thought about diving back behind the game booth, but I realized Miley had already seen me, and there was no use in running anymore. I was going to have to face her eventually. It was now or never.

I really wished it was never, though. It was going to be the most awkward confrontation of my life, I was sure.

At least she was now dressed as Miley. Good… no more scary celebrity messes…

"Hey," I said quietly back. "The Kissing Booth done?"

She nodded, avoiding my eyes. "Yeah. I'm free to ride the carnival rides now. Lilly's disappeared, though…"

"Oh."

Great. Lilly had missed _everything_.

"Yeah," Miley sighed. It was weird how neither of us was even mentioning what had happened earlier. "I'm not much into the whole riding solo experience. I'm sure Ashley and Amber are around here somewhere, so they'd be bound to make fun of me if they saw me playing Bumper Cars by myself."

I smiled. "I'll go on the Bumper Cars with you, Miles."

She finally looked at me… she appeared shy. "Well, the Bumper Cars are broken down now."

"Oh," I said again. This was getting really awkward. My hands were all clammy, too.

"But…" Miley continued, stretching the word. "The Ferris wheel isn't."

"Hasn't the Ferris wheel had enough of us today?" I asked, seeing her wince at the memory. _Oh, good going, Oken…_

"Maybe," she spoke softly. "I didn't really get to enjoy it, though, as I usually do."

She was so adorable, I couldn't resent the idea again.

"Okay… if you _really_ want to, I gu—ACK!"

She had yanked me by the arm with such force and excitement towards the brightly lit Ferris wheel, that I almost tripped. Not that I minded…

We got on immediately, being no line this late. Okay, so my watch only read eight 'o'clock, but apparently, fairs aren't popular around eight, judging by the way the population had decreased so greatly.

It was pretty weird sitting next to her so closely after what had happened. I tried edging away from her, but there was hardly any room to do so. _Great._

Miley didn't seem to notice, though, because her smile was as genuine as ever. The ride suddenly turned on, and we were lifted from the ground.

"So, guess what?" she asked me as I tried to remain comfortable in my surroundings.

"Um… what?"

I usually guessed stupid things whenever she did this, but the fact that I was so nervous was throwing my game off completely.

"The Kissing Booth gained a total of three hundred and sixty-five dollars."

I was shocked. "Whoa. I hope you had a lot of breath mints."

She seemed relieved at my joke and playfully hit me. "Very funny. But yeah, isn't that weird? Almost a kiss for everyday of the year."

"Almost?" I repeated, confused. "I may be dumb sometimes, but I'm pretty sure there are three hundred and sixty-five days in a year."

"Well, one of the guys who paid didn't kiss me."

"He's pretty stupid to pay for nothing then. Who was it?"

It horrifyingly dawned on me as soon as I asked.

"Oh, wait. _I'm_ the pretty stupid one."

Miley laughed. "Naw, just a donut."

It got quiet then as we both realized we were finally talking about the almost-kiss between us earlier. We rode in our carriage in silence for awhile until we were almost at the top of the Ferris wheel.

"Hey, Oliver?" Miley broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Am… Well, did you… Did you really mean it when you said I was beautiful back there?"

I started sweating pretty badly, and with her sitting so close to me, I was sure she could feel it raining down my side… or at least smell it. But if she did, wouldn't she be trying to push herself away from me…?

I didn't know how to answer the question.

"I don't know."

_I'm an idiot.  
_  
Miley bit her lip and stared away from my direction. "Oh, okay, just wondering."

I grabbed her arm as I knew I had hurt her feelings, and she jerked towards me, startled.

"No, Miley, er, I mean, yes, yes, you are beau…" I couldn't seem to finish the word. But it had been so easy to say before, why was it so hard now? "Beau…"

Miley was frowning. Great. I was disappointing her. And the ride had now stopped at the top of the Ferris wheel.

"Beautiful," I finished firmly. "You're beautiful, Miles."

She looked doubtful. "You don't have to say that, you know."

I blinked. "I don't? Why? Did you already know or something?"

She squinted her eyes at me, like she was trying to see through me. It made me nervous, so it got my hands clammy again.

"Um, I just meant you don't have to say it so you won't hurt my feelings."

"Miley," I said, unconsciously rubbing her arm with my thumb. "You don't think you're beautiful?"

She looked down at my thumb curiously, and I stopped immediately, blushing.

"I don't know. My dad says I am, but well, he's my dad. I think it's something all parents say to their kids."

I frowned. "My mom never calls me beautiful."

She laughed, shaking off some of my nerves. "Oh, Oliver, you are something else."

"Well, so are you. You're beautiful. And I mean it."

She tilted her head at me, her eyes searching mine. I couldn't breathe or look away from them… so mesmerizing…

"Really?" she asked.

"Do I ever lie?"

"I don't know, Alsteve," she said with a smirk.

My eyes strayed from hers at last and I put them down into my hands. "Ugh… that was so embarrassing…"

Miley laughed again. "But it was kinda funny, you have to admit."

"Are you kidding? I humiliated myself."

I looked up from my hands, blushing again when I saw she was staring at me with that dang captivating smile of hers.

"So what are you gonna tell Lilly?" Miley questioned as the ride was descending.

"About?"

"About the bet you guys made. About you being in love with me."

I noticed the odd sadness in her voice. What could be upsetting her right now?

"I'm gonna tell her it didn't happen, of course," I answered.

"Right," Miley said, shaking her head for some reason. I stared at her, curious.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Miley."

"Oliver."

"Oh, don't play that. Something's bothering you. Do I smell or something?"

It caught her off guard and she started laughing at once. "Smell? Oliver, what the heck?"

I couldn't tell her I was sweating if she hadn't noticed yet.

"Never mind. But what's bothering you?"

"Well," she bit her lip. "What if we really did kiss?"

I froze at her words.

"Um, you mean back there?"

"Yeah."

"Um, well, then, I… I would've been able to give Lilly a result."

"Did you want to?"

I twitched. I was beyond uneasy now. "Kinda…"

She blinked a couple times at me solemnly, no emotion whatsoever, then her head came straight towards mine in less than a second. I could hardly breathe as I felt her lips embrace mine.

I was so shocked that I don't think I even realized when she pulled away.

"Well," she said, sounding gloomy again, and bringing me out of my daze. "There you go. You aren't in love with me."

I looked at her. My cheeks were burning. "I… I guess not."

WHY DID I SAY THAT?! WHY!!!

The ride ended, and Miley hurriedly jumped out of the carriage, similar to the time earlier that day when she was with Lilly. I think I caught her face scrunched up like she was going to cry.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her back into me, and she struggled to escape out of my grasp.

"I'm fine, Oliver, really, just, just leave me alone," she sobbed. Oh no. She really _was_ crying.

"Miley, what's _wrong?_"

"Nothing! I'm fine! Seriously! Just… sometimes when I have to go really bad, I cry! Now lemme go!"

I turned her around in my arms, and she was thrashing wildly, trying to find a way to get me to release her. I grabbed her face suddenly, staring down at her watery eyes.

"Miley," I said loudly, and she stopped crying.

"What? I really gotta go! I'll pee on you! I really will!"

"You will not," I said seriously. "I'm going to try this again."

"Try what?"

I didn't answer, just eagerly pressed my lips down into hers, eyes shut tight. A wave of emotion spread through my body as I felt her lips move against mine, and her arms encircle my neck.

I don't know how much time had passed. I felt like I was in another world. A much, much better world where everything seemed… perfect.

She gasped under my lips, and I pulled back, worried I had done something wrong.

"On a scale from one to ten," I said, not realizing how out of breath I was. "What pain level would you like to cause me?"

Her mouth formed a small 'o', and she smacked me.

"Hey! You didn't even answer my question!" I pleaded, rubbing my arm.

"No, that was just for ruining the moment!"

I blinked. "You actually liked that kiss?"

"Why did you think I was so upset when you said you weren't in love with me!"

Comprehension sunk in. "Oh, well, that makes sense. I kinda thought you were serious about the peeing thing. I just didn't wanna have to wait for you to come back to kiss you, and girls usually take about two hours in the bathroom and—"

"Oliver, Oliver, Oliver," she said, smirking, looking down at the ground. "I worry about you sometimes."

"Why does everybody always _say_ that to me?"

She chuckled. "Cause you really are a donut."

"I'm not a donut!" I argued. "I'm a great liar, though."

"What?"

I pressed my forehead down against hers. She blushed, and I found myself doing the same. "I'm a great liar. You really think I'm _not_ in love with you?"

"You are?" she whispered.

"Well, I think so," I remarked thoughtfully. "I don't know. Everything kinda reminds me of you. For instance, when I saw a fork the other day, I was like, 'Miley eats salads with forks.' And I know, everybody in the world does, but for some reason, I thought of you first. Is that love?"

She looked so ridiculously happy, it was weird.

"You are the sweetest guy in the world," she said, breathing warmly onto my lips, making me feel all tingly. "How come I've never noticed you in this way before?"

"I don't know. Because no one else has?"

"Well, I'm glad I did first then. I love you."

My eyes widened. "You love me?"

"How can I _not _love a guy who thinks of me when he sees _forks_ for crying out loud?"

"That's the only reason you love me?"

"No. I love you for a lot more reasons. For instance, the fact that your hands were beading with sweat when you grabbed my face a minute ago."

I winced. "…I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

"Oh well." Her nose nuzzled into mine. "If I can deal with Jackson sweat, I can deal with yours."

I leaned in to kiss her impatiently and she drew back, smirking. "Not so fast, cowboy."

"Why? I want another kiss," I whined.

"Lilly's coming over here. I don't want her to be grossed out."

"What? That girl ruins everything in my life, I swear!"

Lilly did appear then and was hesitantly approaching us with an appalled face. "So I take it you two are finally together?"

Miley eyed me to see my answer. I really had no idea.

"Maybe?"

Miley glared.

"I mean, YES. Yes. We are very much finally together. Happily. Yes." Miley smiled proudly at my words, and I felt sort of elated as well.

Then, another question haunted my mind. "But where were you anyways, Lilly?"

Her head darted downwards. "Oh, nowhere special. I went to the movies with a friend."

"Movies?" Miley asked. "That's weird. Jackson said he was wanting to go to the movies today…"

"He did?" Lilly asked with an obnoxious tone.

I didn't really get what was going on, but Miley was suddenly growling at Lilly (can't say that wasn't attractive, you know, ehe), who was backing away.

"Um, Miley, are you okay? You should probably calm down," she said, hands up in defense. "And did Oliver win the bet?"

Miley came to a halt, distracted, and looked over at me. "Actually… yes."

"What?! HOW?!"

I smiled arrogantly. "Because, quite frankly my dear, I. Am. Awesome."

Lilly seemed so confused and frustrated that she had lost. She just started sputtering out the starts of sentences, but couldn't seem to finish them. She pointed at me, then at Miley, but still her voice box wasn't working. I watched her in amusement as the stars began to twinkle above us.

Miley giggled, stepping over to me and laying her head on my shoulder. I jerked in surprise, but relaxed and grinned, placing an arm around her waist. I had a gut feeling I'd get used to this…

…and even though I had pitched in a dollar for a kiss, I was pretty positive I'd be getting them free now anytime I wanted.

**END.**

* * *

**AWWW. The fluffyness of this chapter is crazy, no? Ah well. I liked it. It was way cute, you must agree. I wanted a fluffy ending. :3**

**Anyways, review! It's over! Can't say when my next chapter fic will be out since I have many ideas and I can't pick which one I want to do first, soooo, yeah, just put me on Author Alert and find out? Ehe? (wink wink nudge nudge)**


End file.
